We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call by leaving your advice in the comments section below.
Hi Em & Lo,
I’m 28 years old and have never had an orgasm in my life (not even alone), and I’m pretty okay with that. I’d like to, and am doing what I can about it (I can get very close on my own), but in general it’s not a big concern for me at this point.
However, I’m seeing a new guy, and I love having sex with him, but I worry what he thinks about my lack of orgasm. I’ve explained the situation, and he’s understanding. But won’t a guy get tired of it after a while? Is it possible for guys to get past “giving” their partner an orgasm?
— Enjoying the Journey
What should E.T.J. do? Let her know in the comments below…
I have been with my wife for 16 years, 15 of them married. She is one of the most difficult women to get to orgasm and to the best of my knowledge she has never had one via intercourse. I did not have issues with previous partners.
I’m not bored. In fact a year or two ago there was some article floating around about a couple trying to have sex 365 times in a year and how hard it was, I made an off hand comment and she kept track, 382 and I travel weeks at a time. So we’re not bored. next year was lower, but, much to our surprise we had our third child after 7 years of no children / doctors saying it wouldn’t happen.
YMMV of course but for me at least while very turned on by making you hit it don’t feel hurt if we know you can’t easily/can’t at all do it. long as you tell us, you don’t fake it and then quit faking it, that’ll be a problem. least that’s the way I view it.
Bored isn’t the right word. I might start to feel inadequate or useless.
I’ve never had an orgasm either. Only one guy seemed to be concerned about this. The relationship didn’t last as long as we wanted due to him moving away and me not being able to go with him, but he didn’t get bored and we kept trying, getting closer. The other guys I’ve slept with couldn’t care less (and didn’t even seem to notice) as long as they were happy and believed that they were amazing in bed.
So if he’s a really good guy he shouldn’t get bored. If anything it can give you more reason to try new things which will keep the sex exciting and might even result in an orgasm.