1/8/09
Wise Guys: My Girlfriend Thinks Porn-Viewing Is a Dealbreaker

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: “What do you do if your girlfriend, whom you love very much, doesn’t understand why you like and watch porn occasionally: she’s intellectually and viscerally opposed to it, thinks it is a horrible industry that exploits people and perpetuates sexism and misogyny, and has suggested to me that it might be a deal breaker?”

Straight Single Guy (L.A. Chris): Well she has a point, but she doesn’t fully understand men if she makes that a deal breaker. (Good luck finding a man who doesn’t like porn; it’s hard enough to find one that doesn’t like sports!) Some porn is perfectly healthy, and if a guy can’t explain that convincingly, or is too afraid to put his foot down, then he should throw in the towel and throw away his stash. That’s not to say he can’t dabble now and again, but he should stay away from the Brazilian fart porn and Japanese girls exchanging bodily fluids just in case.

Straight Married Guy (Fred): Keep it a secret from her!  Okay, you could try to explain that it has nothing to do with her, that she’s not in any competition with it, that it’s a normal and unavoidable part of being a guy, and that she’ll never find any guy who doesn’t look at porn from time to time… or you could just make it a private thing.  Don’t talk about it and definitely don’t let her see any signs of it.  Ignorance is bliss. If you’re feeling lucky, you could also point out her relationship with shoes (or women’s magazines, or whatever) and say that you’re viscerally opposed to it, think it is a horrible industry that exploits people and perpetuates sexism and misogyny, and suggest that it might be a deal breaker.

Gay Commited Guy (Terence): First thing you do is hide. Hide everything. If you’ve got magazines, burn ’em cause no one uses them anymore anyway. Then remember to clear your cache and history after you get your rocks off online. Don’t get rid of every site you visited that day, just the porn sites. She’ll never know… I say this because you should never change something about yourself for someone else. It’s like quitting smoking for someone else; it rings empty and isn’t terribly successful. Your question doesn’t even hint that you have a problem with porn. So if that’s the case, then I think your only option is to hide your porn and slowly, over the years, bring her to understand that your porn is not her problem.

Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week they’re all a little shy.

Say Something

48 Comments on "Wise Guys: My Girlfriend Thinks Porn-Viewing Is a Dealbreaker"

avatar

Sort by:   newest | oldest | most voted
Ruslan
Ruslan
2 years 8 months ago

While such situation can happen, there are still great erotic films that you can enjoy with your girlfriend. The biggest collection I think is here: http://beautifulpornonline.com/best-porn-movie-list-watch-girl. As well as plenty advice on how to do this right.

Ben
Ben
3 years 8 months ago
I will never quit my porn for any woman, especially for women that are really hard and take a long time to get into the mood, porn is just easier for some occasions. If she is not okay with that then that is her problem end of story. I watch all types of porn, from amatuer stuff uploaded by anyone, to more extreme femdom stuff or other stuff I’m not going to mention here. My current partner which we have 2 children together is completely ok with it all and knows what I watch and like. I have shared with… Read more »
Jan
Jan
3 years 11 months ago
I don’t want my boyfriend watching porn. I didn’t have a problem with it and knew he watched it a year into our relationship. Then I found out he watches teen girls making webcam videos and it totally threw me off. He admitted he would go on webchat room and seduce girls and he did this for as long as he could remember. Our sex dropped and he was watching it everyday. Now that we had been dating awhile acted like he liked porn more then me. He said he didn’t but he acted the opposite. Porn was his first… Read more »
trackback

[…] An interesting debate among commenters (and in Johnny’s case, with himself) about the good and bad of porn (plus, a lesson in “literature” vs. “research”) from the post “Wise Guys: My Girlfriend Thinks Porn-Viewing Is a Dealbreaker“: […]

Johnny
Johnny
5 years 6 months ago
It is I, your Johnny, Mml. L. By lit, like kate said, I do mean peer-reviewed academic publication, that I got from my college library for a psych paper years ago. I could probably find it again if I tried, and if I do, I’ll post it for you. But that was talking about sex workers in general, not porn stars specifically. My info there is more anecdotal. My macabre interest in who’s a dead porn star began when I discovered, a couple of times, that women I was wanking to regularly had been dead of something horrible for 2… Read more »
kate
kate
5 years 6 months ago

I know this isn’t the point of your post, but ‘literature’ is a legitimate term for peer reviewed journal articles. I’m studying towards a PhD and in the department we would always say literature, not research.

Madamoiselle L
Madamoiselle L
5 years 6 months ago
johnny said (I don’t he’s “our” Johnny) “Before anyone take offense to that, look up the lit correlating sex work with mental illness and drug addiction. It’s gross.” Do have links to this “literature?” Or what most would call research. I’d like to see it. I don’t see porn start dying from “car wrecks (really?) drug overdose, HIV etc” anymore than anyone else in the Entertainment Industry. If you can provide actual Evidence Based Research to prove your point, I’d read it. Somebody’s opinion, from a Church Group or something does NOT count as “research.” Just so you know. Data,… Read more »
wpDiscuz