Back when we watched the original 90210, all we remember learning about sex was that if you didn’t sleep with your boyfriend on prom night, he might end up addicted to crystal meth. Oh, how times have changed. Here’s the Gossip Girl guide to sex…

1. Never make a list of all the people you’ve ever slept with. And if you do, burn it before your boyfriend finds it in your purse while digging for tip money for the delivery guy.
2. The lonely boy with his head stuck in a book is much more “attentive” in bed than the jock. And you better snag him now, because once he gets to college, everyone else will figure this out too.
3. If he seems too good to be true then he’s probably sleeping with his stepmom.
4. That bad boy that you think you can “rescue” from himself? He’ll just keep on breaking your heart until the story becomes so boring that even you can’t stand to hear it anymore.
5. If you’re going to sleep with someone you’re not supposed to (like, oh, say, your teacher), then don’t fondle each other’s hair in public.
6. Nobody in high school is mature enough to be friends with their ex. In fact, nobody this side of a retirement home is mature enough to be true friends with their ex. Can’t we all just let friends be friends and exes be exes?
7. If you have to ask: Yep, he’s probably gay.
8. That short bald Jewish dude? He’s a keeper. (Yes, we also learned this from Sex & the City. But it’s a lesson that bears repeating.)
9. If you “connect” with someone at an exclusive masked orgy, it was probably just the cocaine talking.
10. High school sex is OMFG hot: simultaneously orgasmic, it usually happens in chic lingerie in the back of a stretch limo, and it’s blissfully free of butt pimples and STDs. Oh, wait…