There are some promises that are never meant to be kept:
I’ll meet you at the bar later after I’ve had a nap.
I’m going to hit the gym during my lunch break.
I’ll take a look at these materials you’re handing out door-to-door and get back to you.
These promises are empty by design, intended only to fill the gaps between sentences, never meant to be taken literally. They’re like filler promises.
And then there are promises that deserve to be kept and observed. “To have and to hold, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health” is one. “I promise I’ll go to the doctor” is another. New Year’s resolutions are the collective strengthening of promises― we’re all in them together. It’s a communal commitment, and as such, they deserve to be upheld. Especially when it comes to sex.
Goals help us direct our energy and keep ourselves organized, so it’s good to start the year with a new collection of them. And if you set yourself clear goals now, the easier it will be to achieve them later. Here’s what a conventional list of resolutions looks like:
- More gym
- Read more
- Drink less
- Be more assertive
- Go to bed earlier
That’s pretty much a standard list, right? Now, what we’re suggesting is to replace at least one of those with something sex-related. Because, well, sex is good and good for you, and it shouldn’t be forgotten when you’re trying to improve the way you’re living.
It’s too easy and too vague to simply say “have more sex” though. That’s not specific enough to be an attainable goal. So we’ve made some suggestions for sex goals below that might help you enhance your sex life this year…but only if you stick to them.
1. Take Stock of Your Sexual Life
We all have a sense of our sexual identity, but we rarely stop to consider it. Few of us, when put on the spot, would be able to describe what defines us sexually, but this is such a crucial step towards knowing exactly what we enjoy and having the ability and confidence to pursue it. Take a mental inventory every now and then. (You could even write a list of sexual things you’ve experienced, or things you’ve desired but never asked for, just don’t leave it hidden around in a drawer unless you want it eventually found.) Just familiarize yourself with your sexuality, refresh your memory on some of the things you’ve really enjoyed or think you might enjoy, and then revisit it often to keep the memories crisp.
2. Make a Commitment to Spoil Yourself
Taking the time to enjoy your own sexuality―privately, just for yourself―is the perfect way to better understand your sexual identity. We’re not necessarily talking about ‘getting back in touch with yourself’ in a spiritual sense, we’re talking about something much more grounded: treating yourself to a new toy on payday and spending a night in with your phone turned off and your INA WAVE, for example, turned on once a week will make you love yourself that little bit more.
3. Try That Thing You’ve Been Too Scared to Ask For
This is easier said than done, but hey, sometimes our reach has to extend beyond our grasp. It’s like this: if you stick to your other resolutions, most of which are essentially likely to be different ways to improve confidence and self-esteem in one way or another, then the confidence that’s required to ask for something you’ve never asked for before will come naturally anyway. Resolutions are a complete package: when you feel like you’re satisfying one, you’re more likely to continue fulfilling it. Sex is the same: the confidence it takes to ask for something new is augmented by asking for it. It’s a virtuous circle, and the worst that can happen is that you won’t get whatever it is you wanted.
4. Vow To Talk More
It’s healthy to talk. If you’re in a relationship, promising to talk more about your sexual wants and needs is the best way to make sure you’re both getting the most from your sex lives. Sex is a conversation, and the better you are at communicating, the more satisfying your sex will be. But keep in mind: sex should be more about compromise and understanding than ultimatums.
5. Do Something Entirely Different
It is entirely possible to try something new without taking any risks. You can invest in a new pleasure product, for example. That’s a safe option. But hey, this is YOUR resolution, so why not aim a little higher? Take a risk and enjoy the ride. If you’ve never had sex outdoors before, that’s something you should definitely experience this year. If you’ve ever had a craving to explore different roles in the bedroom, erotic submission or domination for example, then now is the time to pursue it.
6. Read More Good Erotica
If you’re into watching porn, give your eyes a break and exercise your imagination. With erotica, you fill in the gaps with your own preferences, rather than having some director micromanage your fantasies. Plus, don’t have to worry that any actual human beings were ever coerced, humiliated or drugged during a scene (not to say that includes all porn, but it happens). And if you’ve never consumed any erotic material, well then the written word is a great, fairly non-threatening introduction.
Any one of these, or any combination of them, should help pave the way for a more sexually fulfilling 2018. Happy Screw Year!