Dear Em & Lo,
About six months ago I broke up with my boyfriend of 18 months and have recently met someone new. The other day the new boy and I were engaging in some hands-on action which led me to discover that he nowhere near measured up to my ex. The new boy was around 4-6″. My problem is that I’m really worried about having sex with him because my ex was over 8″. I feel really disappointed and I know that 8″ is a high bar that’s been set. Am I bad person for thinking he has a small penis or should I go looking for something more? Why can’t good-looking men come with the measurements of their penis tattooed onto their wrist or something? The problems and surprises that would solve.
–Sizeist
Dear Sizeist,
We almost didn’t print your letter because of the emotional damage it might inflict on insecure men everywhere. It’s the secret fear that everyone — male and female — experiences at some point in their hook-up life: Am I being compared to my partner’s ex(es)? And if so, am I failing to measure up?
But on behalf of all the average-sized men out there, i.e. the vast majority of men, we highly recommend you give Mr. 4-6″ a chance. You’ve heard about society’s unfair expectation that women try to live up to impossible female beauty standards, right? Well, you’re doing the same thing, except with men and their dicks.
First, you need to understand that, statistically speaking, 8 inches is abberantly long; out of 100 men, only 5 will be longer than 6.3 inches! (Was it really 8 inches, or are you just bad at spatial reasoning?) It’s not like 8-inchers grow on trees and you’ve dated a string of giants and have come to discover (pun intended) that only super-sized schlongs can satisfy you. No, you just had one great experience with one rare “8-inch“ penis. And this is by no means a guarantee that sex with a 4-6″ penis will feel only 50-75% as great.
For a start, some men with big swinging dicks can get lazy in the sack, assuming that size is the only thing that matters. They may also assume that intercourse is the only thing that matters — and we all know how few women climax from intercourse alone; remember, orgasm achieved through non-penile means still counts as sex. Oral, manual, anal, toys — it’s all good, and in many cases, better! Not to mention, you may suddenly discover new penetration positions that you really enjoy — positions that perhaps were not so comfortable with a larger specimen. Oh, and don’t forget that, for the standard vagina, the majority of sensation is felt and enjoyed in its outer third, thanks to the extensions of the clitoris, the g-spot, and the pelvic floor muscles around the lower part of the vaginal canal (and also since a lot of women don’t enjoy having their cervix pummeled with a battering ram).
On a final note: Maybe he was nervous and not fully inflated, as it were. Basically, you have no idea what more extended and extensive sexual interludes are going to be like with this man. So if you dig him (and we surely hope the handwork you exchanged means that you do), why not find out whether the motion of his ocean can get the job done?
Of course, we can’t discount the fact that you may simply be less attracted to him (or not attracted to him at all) now that you’ve scoped out his unit — you like what you like. This doesn’t necessarily make you a bad person, though you are severely limiting your dating options. We suppose you could post a dating profile specifying that only 8″-penis-owners need reply. But something tells us that’s not exactly the way to find the next Boyfriend of the Year. Here’s a better idea: Spend some quality time with an average-sized penis and see if the experience — or the person himself — converts you? He is a human being after all, not a piece of meat.
Size is just a number,
Em & Lo
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Why so many Vote Downs for SvenD?? I have a 4 inch penis and am also in a cuckold marriage. It’s been great for both of us! I love women that prefer larger men
Because most men don’t get off on being second best. Especially not the worst. I can understand your cuck fetish because I have entertained that fetishes myself. But fantasy should stay fantasy for most people. Besides 5.5 inches is in the middle average range. Hardly a cock meant for cucking. He needs to dump this chick and move on. She hasn’t even fucked him yet and she is comparing dick size. Besides a dom wouldn’t ask a bunch of random people what she should do.
Does she do the right thing and keep you in chastity?
I don’t understand why everyone is bashing her for her concern. Men may not want to hear it but size does matter. If you’re too small (6′ and less in my opinion) it simply is not as enjoyable for some women (myself included). We do not have large vaginas we simply enjoy the “full” feeling a challenge of a bigger penis. Sex is subjective and different for everyone but I think it’s crazy that’s theirs such a double standard. Men can lust after women with big breast or big butts but women can’t list after the opposing male genitals???
This is a dumb comparison.. a woman with bigger breasts isn’t going to feel any different sexually because of it. Even if it isn’t true I wonder why you can’t at least console these lesser men by allowing the possibility you probably have a bigger than average vagina to fit your preference.
What about vagina size?
That makes a huge difference to both parties and they are each as different in width and depth as dicks.
Well I have a small penis and can totally understand that some women would enjoy the full feeling that I can’t give.
Maybe most women just feel a bit shy to express their preference?
Here’s a key difference: Small breasts can be surgically enhanced if desired. Butts can be made more athletic through exercise. But no such option exists for the penis. We can’t surgically enhance it. We can’t make it’s erect size larger through exercise, or drugs. There is no option to do something to improve size that would satisfy a person who cares only about size. But by all means please go on equating issues with breast size as the same as issues with penis size.
A silly comparison, true: tits are ornamental whereas the penis is a man’s primary tool.
… however, Chocolate wasn’t comparing tits to dicks. She was comparing lust for tits with lust for dicks. The double standard, she’s saying, is that men consider their lust for a certain type of female body normal, but get butt-hurt when it turns out that women too have preferences regarding the male body.
Point stands.
No we criticize women who think having that perfect orgasm is more important then being with the person they claim to love. I’ve had girlfriends with some nasty loose vags that did almost nothing for me and ones that had pretty pink tight pussies that curl my toes and have my hole body go stiff. I have never broken up with any of them based on how good or bad thier pussies feel. This idea that women can expect every man they meet and fall in love with to have a penis that clearly falls within the top 3 percent of all penises in the world and that will work is just plain stupid. All it does is leave a trail of broken hearted men behind these women. If you need a dick that’s 3 out of a hundred then maybe you SHOULD start every conversation with a boyfriend prospect with if your dick isn’t so and so big then fuck off. Maybe that way the women won’t let the man fall in love for a year or 2 before she finally decides to cheat or leave him. If his penis doesn’t please her it’s not his fualt. However much you size queens think us average guys are too small most times we think the oposites of you. Your just too big!!!!! Get over it. It’s a proven fact that just like penises vaginas very in legth and width. Small vag fits small dick big vag fits big dick. Don’t ruin some poor guys confidence because you where to dishonest to tell him early on what you wanted. Besides you girls will have to realize those big dick guys are mostly cheating assholes. How many women I’ve seen start a relationship for sex and end up regretting it. Some people go thier whole lives without having anyone to love and have sex with and all I hear on these sites is my boyfriends not perfect how can I fix him? Where are all the “my girlfriends pussy doesn’t feel anyone red good as my ex’s should I dump her?” Threads? Oh right there are not many of those………. Somtimes women can be so callous and selfish. It’s almost engraved in thier minds to expect a big dick sir gallant to sweep them off thier feet and love them eternally.
That was a great post, Ben. Men don’t break up with women because of their vaginas which happen to vary in size just like penises. Women are clearly more shallow than men and have become the very cruel, heartless gender.
The opposing genitals? It’s like saying she is too lose to feel. That is the equivalent.
The size is not what matter, The smaller organ has a much greater erectile capacity than the larger one. The size of the flaccid or erect penis has absolutely nothing to do with its pleasure-giving qualities. The vagina has a great deal of elasticity and it can adapt to any size of the male organ, be it large or small. And finally, if you think a man is a man cause he guzzles beer or was born with a larger-than-thine appendage, think again. Can’t you see, Sir, the sands of time are dribbling through the hourglass?!
My wife is cuckolding me. I really do not mind, since I love her and want her to be sexually fulfilled. This is just one area where I cannot help her (mine is just short of 4″). Why risk that she might start cheating. She has a fbuddy that she sees once a week and everyone is happy
Why risk that she might start cheating? Isn’t she already? Also do you get to have a fuck buddy? Don’t you think it might be nice to find some small pussied girl who you can fuck till she passes out from pleasure? Because while you may have a penis that doesn’t match your wife’s big vag. Your small dick fits somone else vag perfectly. Go have some fun. If she’s allowed to do it you should too. Maybe if she finds out she will realize how painful it is to know the person you love prefers the embrace of another. No matter how much you say your fine with it we both know you are lying to yourself. Go find a woman who respects you AND herself more.
I feel like I should share my two cents on this topic. My boyfriend is about 4.5″ but the way I know this is because I just sort of did a measurement of what I know the size to be. The thing is, it never crosses my mind that he may be too small or too big or whatever. I just love making love to him and sometimes, believe it or not, some positions can actually hurt a little depending on whether my cervix is sitting low on those days. And I want to share with you this important thing I learned from him: non-erect penises can be very little and grow to a very acceptable size or seem pretty big and not grow much further than that when erect.
On a different note, I think we make too much of a fuss about sex nowadays. People can be stimulating on so many different levels and once you fall in love with them sex will become better because it will be an awesome experience that is beyond just the mechanics of the act.
MEANT real shit
She said high bar meaning the bar she set smh yo just have kids move on key note her woman are never satisfy even when they set the standard’s really shut.2 they’re bicthes sometimes take the hit and fire back she say your small ask by what standard’s ,she say your dick small who are you comparing me to if she hit with thum or,any that Bullshit 9 out of 10 a chick has a smell , 10 out of 10 and only at certain time pussy actually look pretty it’s the truth and I love that shit but it’s time to be a man and stand 10 toes down .she catch attitude for no reason fire back don’t set and get quite all she got you is that besides most chicks now of dayz with a z lol are dude’s hopeful she wasn’t on the inside (emotion) wise ,only in books ladies exist not to be rude to woman out there but yo man up step up and if that we all know what I mean comes around say he bigger than bag more chicks than you look him the eye and laugh, laugh hard and say cool to your self make sure out swag,out think him which you already do ,better man all around shine on him and watch how the table turn don’t tell nobody what you think ever even your chick cause they’ll try to take,steal , copy bring you down trust.you first bro I do what esle to say just do you remember j aka Jesus befriend,disciple turn on him Eva cheated and that was the first woman that book you know have many to question like these you wouldn’t think of really.
Have you ever considered the possibility that you might just have an abnormally large vagina? The average male penis worldwide is a tad over 5″ and for caucasians its more around 6″. If you can’t find enjoyment without a very large penis the problem is you, not your boyfriend.
What women don’t understand is that when they keep ordering larger and larger vibrators they ARE stretching themselves out. Flesh stretches over time, ever seen an ear gauge?
So after you’ve spent every night since age 17 slowly stretching out your penis don’t blame men for still being normal, we can’t compete with your plastic/latex addiction.
I’m gay and this is a huge problem in the gay world, guy’s who are small usually end up enjoying bottoming and being done by a bigger dude. Gay guys can be “size queens” which I find just strange, as guys who usually are “size queens” have small knobs and I just think well what are you bringing to the table? Would you not just rather shut up about dick size? There is a definite difference but honestly if I like the guy his member is part of the package big or small.
What am I bringing to the table? A little boipussy that drives my hung lovers wild with lust and squeezes them right while taking them balls deep. Oral skills and companionship skills not mentioned l. What u got?
Yep, if its a new relationship and the connection hasnt click find somebody that will make you happy. I went out with a chick 2nd date had sex…. I’m a above average guy and with this girl it was like throwing a sausage down a hallway…… Ok not that bad but it wasnt tight at all…. She had no tits and it wasnt tight…. I didnt enjoy myself and i stopped…. Sex is a big part of a relationship, test the waters and if you are not deeply in love with them its better to find someOne that matches you.
I can’t believe what I am reading from some of you insecure “men” in the comments section. A woman has every right to have a preference and to like what she likes. I honestly believe everyone is compatible with someone else but sometimes people just aren’t. Nothing wrong with that.
Sex is a huge part of a relationship and if one of the participants is unhappy there is no reason to stick it out. This is perfectly fine as both people will go on to find happiness with someone else.
It’s absolutely disgusting to “Slut Shame” someone for liking something that they like. Its the same as being a homophobe, you are attracted to what you like, no changing that. In my experience women will always sleep with a guy with no sexual hang ups and is fun and wild in bed vs a guy that is totally neurotic.
My girl and I are completely statisfied together, she knows what she likes and if she wants to go to the sex store and buy a large toy I say “go as big as you like” I got no hangups with my size. She likes what she likes and I respect that.
There were over 700 comments in this entry when you posted yours. That you or anyone else would be surprised by “some” of those comments shocks me, regardless of what they said. In fact, after 700 comments on something in an anonymous online forum, I’d be surprised if some of them weren’t about extraterrestrial abduction and national elections. The fact is that many of the comments are very much like yours, ‘to each her own,’ as was mine posted in this thread long ago.
Ladies have you ever though about this… It’s beat up … Sorry but we are not ment to use dildos and sleep around. I see that underlying problem is devotion it’s just a plain and simple fact if you had less lovers it would be tighter. I was once in love with the girl absolutely a 10.but she had been with so many dudes even at 7 inches with plenty of girth she was just to lose. Because of how much she masturbated with a dildo and how many she’s been with.
KMBman, you might want to consider a mail-order bride website. Or maybe just a very realistic-looking Real Doll. That way you can be sure to customize a pristine, never-been-used vagina to suit your needs.
No one gave him the heads up that babies also come out of our elastic vaginas! They spring right back! I agree a tiny Asian bride for his tiny penis!
And how many women have I heard complain that sex after shill birth was different….. some say even …. looser. Who knew! And yes 2 identical vaginas, ones fucked 2 times a week by a 8 inch penis and one fucked 2 times a week by a 4 inch penis for 10 years. Can you guess wich one is more or less LOOSE AFTER THAT? Besides if men and women waited till marriage to have sex they wouldn’t even know the fucking difference.
Half the females in the world can’t expect the average guy to measure up to the top 3 percent. It’s simply impossible. If you want to find a good guy don’t choose him based on his ability to fuck you. If you do that’s all that man will end up doing ….. Fucking you…. right over. He’s a big bad buck with a big bad dick. He’s the 3 percent. YOUR just a regular woman. He can fuck you till he’s bored and leave. His dick will find him more women. And YOU will be left with nothing but unwanted children or a dried up old uterus that noone wants anymore because you spent your early years worried about sex….. like a stupid child.
Idk if you realize this but there really isn’t such a thing as a “tight vagina” it’s a proven fact that when a woman is “loose” she is turned on.
“Tight” and “loose” are relative terms. Some women do indeed have tighter vaginas than others.
The myth is that the amount of sex a woman has determines her tightness or looseness.
It does matter how many times she’s been done and how big. A virgin is usually tight… as one has more and more sex it loosens up.
Sorry, Louie – we’ve got to call bullshit. That’s not how vaginas work. Aside from just how someone is built (it varies), tightness is mostly determined by the strength of the pelvic floor muscles – and like any muscle, the more you use them, the stronger they’ll be. So the more sexually active, the tighter-feeling she might become because of all the muscular contractions and healthy blood flow to the area. The vagina expands with arousal. It’s made for babies to pass through. And compared to babies, penises — no matter what their size — are nothin’.
Over time, no matter how much sex she’s had, pelvic muscles might start to weaken for a variety of reasons — pressure from 9 months of gestation, vaginal delivery, age, weight gain, and yes, LACK of sexual stimulation. And there are plenty of explanations for why you might have found virgins to be tighter: partially in-tact hymens, lack of lubrication because of nerves, a clenching of muscles because of fear of pain, etc. That same virgin might seem “looser” the next time she has sex, but that could be because she’s more relaxed, thus more in the moment, thus more turned on and better lubricated with her vagina better ballooning from true arousal, plus there’s no hymen left.
But having sex with her boyfriend every day for the next year — as opposed to say, once a month — will not make the ex-virgin “loose” in the way you suggest. And let’s say they broke up and you two got together: we’d bet money you wouldn’t be able to tell the frequency with which she’d knocked boots the previous year. All you’d know is that she’s had only one partner before you, which would automatically put her in your firm category (even if they’d done it 3x a day!).
I would have to disagree with that… been out with many girls and these is a big difference between tightness(vagina size)…. like massive. Yea it does loosen when excited but some pussys are just fucking black holes… i mean throwing a sausage in a hallway….. and im far above average…. i really fucking feel for the smaller guys…. Girls do some vagina exercises. Because blackholes are dangerous.
First of all, that’s a bunch of crap about being tighter with less lovers. What about women who have had one lover for 20 years or longer and have sex 3-4 times a week??? Why would she stay tighter just because it’s been only one lover?? Stupid, stupid comment.
This is what truly mystifies me when it comes to relationships and men and women. Ladies you should know after the first few times of sleeping with a guy whether or not his dick will satisfy you. So then my question is why do you continue to be in a relationship with a man who doesn’t meet your needs or requirements? Why do you allow the relationship to move forward? And men why do you allow a woman to define your self worth? Why do you continue to beat your head against a brick wall when nothing you have or do will be good enough? Why don’t you move on and find a woman who does appreciate your body and other qualities?
thumbs up!
Money
i won’t throw EVERY female under the bus, but I honestly don’t (YET) know ONE in my personal life who’s ever thought they’ve been “lost” in bed. It is all too common that you hear of Men being “eh” or just all together Bad in the sheets. I gotta tell ya ladies, the idea some women get about “how to work a penis” is just…. Incorrect to put it nicely. The idea that “you just tug and pull and that’s all there is to it” is so dead wrong. Why can it take a woman up to half hour to successfully blow you when I could use my HAND and get the job done in 5? I’ve actually faked pleasure before with a woman while she was on top. She THOUGHT she was doing it right, But my shrinking erection said otherwise. I had to improvise to keep it up. I loved her very much so I didn’t exactly want to pop the question, “what are you doing?” and hurt her. But girls, we Men can “protect” YOU as well. Your body may be sexy, and your face beautiful, but this will not make you a thrill in bed by default. Just as having a 4 ft. Penis will not automatically prevent a guy from being boring to sleep with. No Man anywhere would commit adultery if his wife slayed in the sack by default, simply because she has nice breasts.