And the Winners of Our Willy-Warmer Haiku Contest Are…

A big THANK YOU to everyone who entered our Tux-themed haiku contest! We got so many great entries that judging was tough…but not impossible. Unfortunately, we can’t include every single entry below, but some are just too good not to share! So along with the winners, we’re posting the honorable mentions — or should we say, “honorable unmentionables”?


The 1st Place Winner of LELO’s
“Dare Me” Pleasure Package & Tux:


distant cry of loons
the autumn wind ghost-whispers:
“penis in a suit”


LELO_Accessories_TUX_product_2x_0The Runners-Up Who’ll Receive a LELO Tux:


Mine’s wearing a tux
Hers is in granny panties
Seems I’m over-dressed.


Trump, Cruz, Rubio!
All look hilarze in that tux.
….Oh! THAT kind of prick!
Adam M.


My sexy, black pumps.
Denims and t-shirt on you?
Smirk. Unzip. Black suit.


I am smitten with
Little knitted cock mittens
Well, not that little.
Eugene N.


Additional Tux Awarded to the MPP
(Most Prolific Player):


Fine impressive tux,
Just like a Cuban cigar,
Smoking hot manhood
Gerard V


Honorable Mentions Who Just Get the Glory
(Or in Some Cases, More Glory):



from a distant shore
a new sky calls leaves to dance;
my dick needs a shirt



On a winter morn
A dick wakes up in it’s tux
What happened last night!?

A bunch of dudes here
trying to win anal beads
they’re for us, don’t lie

A cold John Thomas
Is the saddest kind there is
Invite him inside.

Feeling debonaire
“She’ll swoon for my penis tux,”
But no, she just laughed.


Eugene N:

May your cold hands warm
When holding my manhood wrapped
In merino wool.

My tallywacker
Wears tailored LELO tuxes.
The suit makes the man.

I crave the satin
Touch of the elegant lux
LELO penis tux.


Adam M:

Costanza’s dressed up
For an overdue self-date.
He won a contest. 

Starks and Lanisters:
Bundle up yer preening cocks.
Winter is coming.



The one size fits all.
Short, lean, curvy, plump, hairy
Wet noodle or bald.


Dave Ref:

Need accessories
To adorn a well-dressed cock?
A top hat and cane

Penile formalwear?
What ever will they think of next?
Ball gowns for vulva?



his naked penis
best warmed within my molten folds
lelo tux, next best



Cool wind blows at night,
A shiver runs down the spine.
Reach for a warm Tux.


Dave W:

Shrinkage is no myth
But I don’t have to worry
Willy tuxedo!



Old, broken heater
No one’s lips to do the trick
It’s time to suit up


Joe (who confused haiku with limerick):

Here’s some advice for the guys
Cold can play tricks on the eyes
Shrinkage is real
But not with this deal
A warmer will help with your size

Can’t get enough haiku?
The Best Self-Love Haikus


  1. Congratulations Geoff! I am so pleased with this result. Thank you Em and Lo! Johnny, I will be happy to submit a photo of my penis dressed up to create a group photo. Never again can we be considered simple wankers. We are gentleman.

  2. Congratulations Geoff, it was a beautiful haiku.

    Now the winners and runners-up should all pose for a photo in our formal wear.

  3. I am humbled and grateful. I’d like to thank my teachers, my wife, my grandparents, Basho, the guys down at the pizza place, God, my unit, and most of all of you, my fellow haikuists, for not winning instead of me.

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