Dr. Kate is an OB/GYN at one of the largest teaching hospitals in New York City and she answers your medical questions here every few weeks. To ask her your own question, click here.
Dear Dr. Kate,
I’ve started seeing this new guy who has a very wide, very long penis. The first time we had intercourse it took minutes for us to inch his penis all the way inside of me. The ensuing sex was uncomfortable and it only took me ten minutes to get too sore to continue. I feel like we did everything correctly: foreplay was thorough and I was super aroused, we used a water-based lube, and we took things really slowly. The second time we tried intercourse, the same thing happened. We’ve tried both missionary and girl-on-top. I don’t have any STDs or other vaginal issues that make sex uncomfortable in general. I just can’t seem to accommodate his size! Is it possible that we just don’t “fit” together? Will I get used to it as we keep trying? Is there something I should be doing differently?
— Tight Fit
Dear T.F.,
When aroused, the average vaginal length is about 5-7 inches. So if a gal’s partner is longer than that, then good foreplay, lube, and going slowly are generally necessary for comfort. Which means that so far you have done everything right! In addition, you might want to try sex on your sides, to limit the depth of penetration as much as possible. And definitely avoid doggy-style! You could also try putting your hand on the base of his shaft to keep him from entering you up to the hilt. You should keep trying to find a way to make it work — you may find, for example, that intercourse is more comfortable at different points in your menstrual cycle — though it is possible that he may just be too large for deep thrusting intercourse. In which case, you may have to experiment with ways where he doesn’t fully enter you.
On a final note, just for the sake of perspective: ten minutes of intercourse doesn’t sound like that short of a time to me. I know some women enjoy a long session of intercourse, but ten minutes isn’t nothing. Perhaps instead of thinking of intercourse as the main course, you should be thinking of it as the dessert at the end of an already satisfying meal. In fact, I bet that a lot more women would enjoy sex if they started thinking of intercourse in this way!
Good luck,
— Dr. Kate
Gynotalk
Dr. Kate is an OB/GYN at one of the largest teaching hospitals in New York City. She also lectures nationally on women’s health issues and conducts research on reproductive health. Check out more of her advice and ask her a question at Gynotalk.com.
Madamoiselle L: My wife is also a nurse, an OR nurse, and she has been in on a handfull of torn vagina cases, also a few damaged penises that neede surgical correction. So it does happen. Good for you that you are happy with your man’s dinkus, but you do sound like an average Joe-hating, snobby know it all, braggert (to other women especially I would think) with your rants about Jimbo. Of course I haven’t met a nurse yet (wife included) that didn’t constantly brag about their medical knowledge, especially human anatomy. you are certainly entitled to your opinion, as am I, and here’s mine. YOU’RE OBNOXIOUS!
Wow. I have been looking for advice on this issue for a little while, and it’s somewhat comforting to see that people have overcome it.
My boyfriend and I are college seniors, and we just had sex for the first time about a month ago. We were both virgins, and we have NO IDEA what we’re doing. He’s rather well-endowed, and I’m very petite (4’10” and 21 years old!)
We love each other very much, and want this to work out, but sex has been very painful! We use lube, and usually spend at least 30 minutes in foreplay, but it’s still very painful and he can usually only get halfway in in missionary…
Are we missing something…? Is it possible for people in our situation to enjoy sex?
Haha, 8 in. circum. thats a joke. That would be the thickest penis on record. Any woman who goes around spouting off actual numbers is suspect. Didn’t she also say 1.75-2 in wide? That would have to make it 3-4 inches thick from top to bottom. A very odd looking cock.
I love these penis size threads, all I have to do is find one and I get my daily laugh, very entertaining. Woman seem to be “hung” up on it as much as men, coming on these sites and positing outrageous numbers. The truth is a penis over 8 inches long is in the 96th or so % and over seven probably in the 90th. Yet every woman either currently has a man with one or has had a few 9 and 10 inchers. As far as girth most woman will never see a penis over 6 inches.
My guy is really long and his girth is big. Sometimes it can be uncomfortable. I agree with the earlier posts. The female definately needs to be turned on. Also lube is a must. But do not be afraid to tell your man that he needs to thrust shallower. Keeping a hand at the base of the penis to limit penetration is a good idea but can be but can be hard to maintain in some positions. Laying on your sides in a spooning position can do wonders. If you want to try doggie style here is a suggestion. Keep your legs inside of his. This can keep him from thrusting too deeply. Also try reverse cowgirl. Have your man sit back on a couch. Then mount him facing away from him. You can use your legs and/or your hands on his thighs to limit the depth of pentration. The most important thing to remember is to not get frustrated. Play around with different positions. You will find the positions that work for both of you.
Everyone should really calm down on this message board. I read these all the time and have always enjoyed how, for the most part, civil people are to each other.
As to the question: I had a similar problem to this with a girlfriend in college. I am about 8 long and 6 around, and found that with time, patience, and a LOT OF LUBE we had a great sex life. One trick we found was to spend plenty of time going down on each other, then put it in, and do very, very short thrusts for a few minutes ( felt like minutes, probably more like A minute). It seemed to let her vagina slowly get accustomed to it. However, I would imagine that nature is just cruel and makes 2 people not quite fit together.
The downside was that the quicky is not an option, which is a tragedy, but also just makes you be more creative. Good luck. And to everyone: Skill makes up for size anyday according to all past girlfriends I have had, and given that I am a bit larger they were not saying it to make me feel better. So chill out, lifes to short!
HBO, a woman’s vagina changes during sex, opening to allow her partner to enter easily, but remains the basically same resting size for most of her life.
Childbirth can slightly relax the muscles and tissues, but my guess is if you can’t move during intercourse enough to generate an orgasm for yourself, what needs to be worked on is more relaxation on her part. It is easier said than done. A woman can be told “Just relax.” all you want, and it won’t work. There is a LOT to really relaxing. If sex has already hurt, it will only cause a vicious cycle.
Does your gf masturbate? Is she able to reach orgasm while masturbating? That not only helps with vaginal changes during sex, but also with helping a woman learn to come to orgasm (it isn’t as automatic in us as it is in you guys, most of the time.) My guess is you are not able to orgasm while penetrating her due to the fear of hurting her, which is very empathetic on your part.
Do you masturbate regularly (you don’t have to answer on the thread) Experimenting with different ways of masturbating may help. If you have been using a very vigorous technique, it could be that trying a more gentle approach, at least some of the time, could help you learn to come to orgasm with more gentle stimulation. OR you could incorporate masturbation in your sexual routine, and that might help both of you.
Could she bring you to orgasm with oral sex for a while, taking breaks for short bursts of vaginal penile sex, and you bring her to orgasm the same way? That way you will both learn what you both like, and often AFTER she has her first orgasm, she should be relaxed enough to be able to accommodate you more easily. Nobody said sex has to be “5 minutes of him getting oral, 2 minutes of her getting some handwork, a few minutes of her getting oral and then nothing but intercourse after that, expecting everybody to come.” A LOT of people mix it up for variety and to enjoy different types of stimulation.
People really WERE meant to fit together. My Man is over 6 ft tall and around 190 lbs, and I am a tiny little 5 ft woman (when I’m stretching the truth) who weighs about 120 lbs. I weighed 92 lbs when we first got together and was actually shorter, as I was either not done growing, or grew a half inch in height due to the growth hormones present in my body during my first two pregnancies. Lube, lots of arousal (sometimes just lying together and rubbing your bodies together can do WONDERFUL things for sexual arousal problems) and time helped us a lot.
I admire your not wanting to hurt her, and for the time being there are other ways to come to orgasm. I suggest the two of you try some alternatives, while still working on arousal and LOTS of oral sex, and skin to skin contact for both of you and still attempting vaginal sex, until you get it right.
IF she still feels pain after a few weeks, she needs to see her doctor to rule out vaginismus (an abnormal tightening of the ring of muscle at the opening of the vagina, which can actually cause either very painful intercourse or actually prevent intercourse) or an other problem, like either a yeast infection or a bacterial or parasitic infection of the vagina or the urinary tract.
Good luck to both of you.
I have same problem. My penis is 7 inches but my gf is really small. I can’t put it all the way in and I have to go so slo I can never cum. Tried lube and stuff, but it just doesn’t work. Scared she will break up with me cause sex hurts so much. Is there a way to make her bigger.
And as a corollary to vizsalvr’s last, I personally prefer shorter women with large breasts and child-bearing hips, but would not turn a petite one out of bed either. I’m sure I’d relish the experience.
And don’t give me shit about how women can enlarge their breasts and men can’t have bigger dicks.Few things turn me off more than fake breasts.
One hopes that women aren’t going to let the disappointing moment of the Average Dick Reveal turn them off, but if so, then you probably wouldn’t want to sleep with her anyway, if appearances are all that matter to her.
Jimbo – I suppose there’s nothing I can do to convince that I’m not ML.
“claimed medical knowledge that seems straight off wikipedia – check”
Actually, it’s information I got from my gynecologist. Although wikipedia is actually quite reliable.
“claiming “her man” is well hung – check”/”insistence that women perfer huge cocks – check”
Because it was pertinent to the OP’s question. Speaking from experience, as a woman who is dating a man with a large penis, I feel as if I am qualified to give her the advice she asked for. I have had uncomfortable sessions with my boyfriend because he is large, and I found that increasing foreplay and lubrication solves the problem of uncomfortable sex. That is my firsthand, real life experience with dating a guy with a huge cock. Unlike you, I actually gave the OP real advice instead of whining because someone claimed that they prefer bigger penises. Which many, if not most, women do. I not only prefer a large penis for the increased penetration and the wonderful feeling of being “full” when a man is inside me, but also because I find it aesthetically pleasing when a man drops trousers and has a large dick. It’s just that “wow” factor. I also prefer circumcised dicks. Does that make me a bad person? No. It means I [b]prefer[/b] the aesthetic look of them. I wouldn’t turn a guy with a small dick or a foreskin out of bed, and I might enjoy myself just as much, but as I previously stated [b]all things equal[/b] a big dick is better.
“Identical quoting style and punctuation style including capitalizing WORDS FOR EMPHASIS – check”
I’m so, so [b]so[/b] sorry. I’m not sure if this forum supports html codes, so I err on the side of caution and use caps instead of bolds usually.
I’m not ML, but I was expressing the fact that I agree with her assessment than a lot of women like large penises and it’s totally possible to have enjoyable sex with a man with a large penis. I was chiming in with my personal experience and advice. If you want to, in your warped perception, assume that because someone disagrees with you, they are posing as someone else, fine. But you are incorrect.
Jimbo, I have to agree with Vizslaver, (or he or she agrees with me) your interests in not only my posts, but my sex life is beyond “borderline” creepy.
This thread was supposed to have been for the Original Poster, who needed some help and tea and sympathy, NOT a scary recount of how much you seem to remember (much of it improperly) of what I have posted over the last 3 or 4 months.
I will ONLY address you one more time. Maybe you don’t understand how some relationships work. My Man WAS my first, I was very young when I first met him, and we both went on to sow our wild oats before rediscovering that we were the right ones for each other a number of years later. THAT is not uncommon. VERY common when people meet and one of them is very young.
Yes, I pushed “Phil” (you?) because he made crap up, which could well have put the OP in a situation where she felt helpless and hopeless (more misogyny, killing a woman’s desire to learn how to maintain her own sex life, and then ENJOY IT IS one pillar of misogyny.) As for the woman who was “offended” by my comments, they had NOTHING to do with her bf’s size, but his immature, manipulative behavior. SHE ASKED for “advice.” When you ask for advice on a Public Forum, be ready for some things which may actually cause you to think.
I owe no one an apology EXCEPT the OP of this thread, for what turned into a HIJACK of her issue.
I ATTEMPTED to answer her question, to the best of my experience (which is what this site is for) YOU saw it as yet an other attempt to “shut the bitch up” (yeah baby, that’s MISOGYNY) once again, even though YOU were not addressed in this thread originally, unless one of your other identities is “Phil.” YOU will not be addressed again. (Wish there was an “ignore function” on this site.)
I feel the rest of this thread really needs to be used to help the OP by posters who actually KNOW what they are talking about. I apologize to the OP for the intrusion, I hope this unpleasantness doesn’t prevent her from posting again.
Well vizslalvr your post sounds alot like something ML would write:
complaining that remembering her posts is creepy (its called a search engine) – check
claimed medical knowledge that seems straight off wikipedia – check
claiming “her man” is well hung – check
insistence that women perfer huge cocks – check
Identical quoting style and punctuation style including capitalizing WORDS FOR EMPHASIS – check
And you are the one accusing me of posting under diff names? Anyway I’m letting it go, goodnite.
Sorry if I offended anyone. No where did I make any statements derogatory to women. I was just pointing out that ML seems to chime in enthusiastically with condescending and contradictory statements toward male posters, and I was getting sick of it.
I will let it go, however I do think that you owe Jasmine from the other thread an apology, that was way over the line. Also I would try to be more conscious of the tone of your posts, when you responded to Phil unprovoked with phrases like:
“You know this HOW?”
“Women really like him and always have. WHERE are you getting this stuff?”
“I have NO IDEA where you got your notions.”
You are being confrontational. You could have simply offered the advice in your final paragraph instead of trying to discredit everything he said. When you try to discredit someone else you leave yourself open for others to try to discredit you, and on the internet a quick trip to google quickly reveals everything you have ever said and it can be used against you.
I don’t think it’s a secret that most women prefer large cocks, gentlemen. That’s not to say that a guy who’s average sized or on the small side can’t be a fantastic lover. But all things equal … yeah, I’ll take a guy who’s hung.
ML is not the first or last woman to have that opinion, Jimbo. Your incredible log and memory of her posts is borderline creepy.
The point is that the OP can have comfortable, enjoyable, wonderful sex with her well-endowed boyfriend if she takes the proper amount of time to get adequately turned on and uses lube. Trust.
“Thousands of women are admitted to the ER every year for “accomodating” men much less girthy than 8 inches.”
I doubt that the number is in the thousands, and no matter what it is, that is because THEY WERE NOT PREPARED. I agree that an 8″ girth is obscene, but a woman’s vagina is elastic … the vagina expands and the cervix retracts to accommodate up to 9″ on average WITH AROUSAL. With proper foreplay and the use of lubricant, there is NO reason why a woman should be injured because of her man’s size. So long as she is turned on, lubricated, and her man takes his time, sex can be vigorous and enjoyable.
Hey Jimbo, give ML a break, would ya? This is just a (mostly) friendly discussion about penis size, no one’s been accused of first-degree murder here.
Jesus Christ, grow up. I’ve got a pathetically average dangle and, while I will admit to no small amount of insecurity (on that and myriad other subjects), I’m not about to start a huge goddam kerfluffle over someone misremembering what they posted. Yes, Mademoiselle L can be somewhat excitable (note, please, that I did not use the misogynist phrases hysterical or shrewish), yes she is annoyingly proud of her man’s supposedly immense jackhammer of a prick, and yes her suspicion of patriarchy borders on the paranoid (or would if said patriarchy weren’t everywhere in evidence). But she has just as much right to state her opinions as you do. So everyone just cool the fuck off.
And let’s not forget that we are all hiding behind the internet’s shroud of anonymity.