Dear Em & Lo: My Husband Likes to Watch Me with Male Strippers

Dear Em & Lo,

Me and my husband of twenty years have been fantasizing about so many things — one of which is me being grinded on by a male stripper in a private room with my husband watching. This was realized about a month ago at a gay bar where we decided to proceed after few drinks. It was a real turn-on for both of us and we had very wild sex after that. Is this wrong? We’ve talked a lot about our experience whenever we have sex and we’re planning to do the same thing again.

Actually, it was my husband who broached the idea that we go to the male strip bar. I readily agreed out of curiosity, because it was my first there. Besides, we had been fantasizing about that for a long time. Well, as I said, me and my husband got horny while the stripper started to grind and flirt with me, and my husband got really turned on seeing me for the first time flirting with a stranger. We really are planning to do it again. It really added spice to our sex life. Please advise us.


— Champagne Room-mates

Dear C.R.,

Is this wrong?! Wrong?!! Let us count the ways in which it is so very right:

  • After twenty years of marriage, you’re still having hot sex.
  • After twenty years of marriage, you’re still trying new things.
  • After twenty years of marriage, you’re still going on boozy date nights that end up in gay bars.
  • You really know how to talk to each other about sex, and how to share your desires and fantasies.
  • You understand that some of the wildest sexual adventures happen in your head — and that sharing these fantasies out loud can be even better.
  • Before trying something new and potentially out of your comfort zone, you tested the waters by fantasizing about it together for a long time.
  • And the trial was a success! You were both turned on by it! So it’s not like one of you is twisting the other’s arm to try this again.
  • Instead of the boring old “Let’s visit a strip club and get a female lap-dance together” (yawn), you guys are shaking it up with a male strip club. Awesome!
  • Your husband isn’t one of those douche-bag men who thinks that he’ll turn gay just by visiting a male strip club.

You asked us to advise you, but all we can say is: keep doing what you’re doing. And don’t stop for a second to worry about whether anything you like in bed (or out of bed) is “wrong.” So long as what you are doing is legal and consensual, there’s no such thing as wrong. It’s couples like you who give monogamy (or some version of it) a good name!

Pour some sugar on it,

Em & Lo


  1. I love your posts johnny, however, must disagree on this one. LW says they are going to GAY bars and she is flirting with MALE strippers. Last time I checked male strippers seem to be for other men. Anyway, I totally understand guys who are turned on by watching their women flirt with other straight guys.

  2. Oh he is NOT gay. Well, not necessarily. I guess he could be. But this is not a rainbow, er, red flag.

    Case in point: I am turned on by hearing about my girl with other men. Although we’ve never gone there, I think I’d even like to watch her fool around with another guy. But the only time I’ve ever done an MMF threesome, I wound up totally turned off – way too gay for me. Look? Kinky. Touch? Eeeuuw.

  3. I TOTALLY Disagree Will. My husband is not a gay or bisexual! We’ve been together for more than 20 years.

  4. Your husband is already gay or bisexual. He’s waiting for you to figure it out and bring it up. Nothing wrong with that if you both (all three) enjoy it…just play safe.

  5. Thanks Em&Lo. This helped us a lot. Is this what they called soft swing? What if we have threesome with a male stripper, an I idea again broached by my husband?

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