I Dreamt I Had Sex with My Dead, Abusive, Ex Husband

Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. If you’ve got a good one, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg just might tell you what it means! Click here to submit yours (18 and older only for dream interpretations, please). This week, a reader asks Lauri:

Well to start, my husband died from a drug addiction related overdose 8 years ago. Even though we were married, we were off and on for 4 years. Tired of being cheated on and abused, I finally filed for divorce in late 2008. Not long after, he died in his pregnant girlfriend’s bed. We were together the week before he died and again 3 days prior to death.

Here is my dream: I’m living at my dad’s house and he randomly shows up there wanting to see me (which wouldn’t have happened EVER even if he were alive because we had our own house and Dad didn’t like him). He wanted to apologize for how he had been and wanted to work things out. I quickly snuck him inside to keep anyone from seeing him and telling my dad.

One of the neighbors came over looking for my dad, but he wasn’t home. So my husband was hiding against the door to keep from being seen. He whispered to me that he wanted to have sex. I asked, “Right here? Right now?” He said, “Yes.” So he took his pants off and pulled mine off. He started touching me and then put his penis inside me. We had sex right there against the door. Even though I was dreaming it felt real. Almost like even though I was asleep and dreaming, I was watching it happen and remembering how it felt.

I immediately woke up and I was wet down there. This has happened before too. Same type of dreams. I have been in the same relationship for over 5 years and we now have a child.

LauriSex dreams do feel very very real. And yes, you will get wet down there and yes, you can even orgasm. The body doesn’t know the difference between a dream event and a real life event so it will react as if the dream event were real… that is, unless it involves any skeletal muscles as those are paralyzed during REM dream sleep. You may also find, if you keep track, that you are more likely to have a sex dream mid-cycle when you are ovulating!

Now on to the meaning of your dream. Your dream take’s place at your dad’s.  Your dad’s place in the dream is really the place in your mind where you think like your dad or as a dad in general typically thinks. So I believe, through this dream, you are approaching your past with him in the mindset of “Father knows best,” so to speak.  Your ex wanting to apologize and work things out is really YOU wanting to come to terms and work things out with this part of your past.

You’re hiding your ex in this dream. That’s a very good indication there is something you are hiding in real life. Is there anything your father doesn’t know that you might feel better if he did? Or anything you are hiding from your current partner or anyone else? 

The sex is interesting. In all my years as a professional Dream Analyst, I have had the opportunity to work with many abused women and have found that it is common for them to have dreams of making up and having sex with their abusive ex. This seems to be a way the dreaming mind is helping the woman come to terms and find of peace of mind with her past. You mentioned abuse, so maybe your dream is in that same vein of making peace with the past. Remember, sex dreams are rarely about a physical union you want but more about a psychological union you need… psychologically, you need to make peace and I think this dream shows that you are.

Visit Lauri’s site, WhatYourDreamMeans.com, for even more dream interpretations! If you want to be able to figure out your own dreams each morning, check out her latest book, Dream On It: Unlock Your Dreams Change Your Life, which will give you the tools you need to become a dream expert. You can see all of Lauri’s books here. And hey, if you want your very own pin-up painting of you or your luvva (either vintage or modern), Lauri can do that, too! 

Here’s another:
My Dead Boyfriend Came Back to Life in My Dream

One Comment

  1. This is fascinating! I will still have dreams about my ex, and we DID NOT have a good relationship. Good to know I’m not alone– and this was very helpful!

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