Comment of the Week: Lazy Lovers Should Be Left, Period

Truthserum had some tough love for all the women with lazy lovers like the letter writer of “My Husband, a Selfish Lover, Won’t Even Try to Give Me an Orgasm.” (We edited down her response for clarity):

Lazy Lovers Should Be Left

I’m sorry, but a lot of you women on here sound really pathetic. I say this because you only get one life and your men are only doing things that you allow.

…Withholding sex is [stupid]. You all need to accept that once your partner stops caring about your pleasure and satisfaction, that’s also a sign about the level of care he has for you. [Your man is] running over your feelings and you’re staying with him, so why should he change? He knows you aren’t going anywhere. …He knows he doesn’t have to acknowledge [your emotions] because you aren’t willing to demand your own happiness or leave the toxic situation. And that is your own fault.

It’s About Self Worth

You’re going to keep being a pleasure hole for the rest of your marriage and you’re going to keep blogging like this for the rest of your life because you care more about your selfish husband than having a backbone. [Apparently, you cannot stand] to be without a man. [But] a husband does not guarantee happiness or life fulfillment. You all will resent your husbands over time, but more than that, you will resent yourself for being foolish and thinking maybe he will change. If he won’t even change for his wife, then that should be a clear sign the relationship is lost. Why should he make any effort when you don’t even love yourselves enough to ensure your own happiness and demand it and take the actions to secure that happiness?

Go on now go. Walk out the door. Leave your lazy lovers.

It’s About Your Mental & Physical Health

I’ve never been without a man who couldn’t get me off or didn’t enjoy going down on a woman because I know how important sex is in a relationship. Your sex life is important for your health and some of you will probably die earlier in your life because of unhealthy sexual relationships. Think about the physical and emotional disappointment and how that can mess with your mind and health.

If your partner isn’t willing to get counseling, then he/she honestly has stopped working on the marriage. They know they have a problem and aren’t willing to get help.

It’s About Putting Your Foot Down

Lastly, I am being harsh on purpose. If you’re mad or angry, good. You should be. Get on with your life instead of wasting it… You are in control of your destiny and can manifest great things on your path, but it starts with you not being timid. Demand your happiness… Get out of your shitty situations instead of watching it fall apart. Trust me: you can find someone better.

Not ready to give up?
How to Bridge the Erotic Gap in a Sexless Marriage


  1. “I’ve never been without a man who couldn’t get me off or didn’t enjoy going down on a woman because I know how important sex is in a relationship. ”

    This quote illustrates the problem: people who give this advice – myself included, guilty – tend to give it from a place of abundance.

    “Get someone who gets you off!!”

    “Dude, have some self-respect, she’s treating you like her bitch!”

    “Girl, grow some self-respect, find a man who really blah blah blah…”

    This advice tends to come from people who see dating as fun, love as easy, and lovers as numerous and replaceable.

    If you’re unattractive with low self-esteem and you know – not just believe, but KNOW from experience – that leaving your relationship will cut you adrift in an endless ocean of solitude, it’s NOT that simple.

    Don’t get me wrong, I still think it’s the right advice. But for some people making a move like that is a leap into the void, which is terrifying. Some of us talk about it like it’s easy to walk away – especially on the internet, where we’re all sexy black-belts – but we shouldn’t minimize the fear of romantic desolation that most people face when leaving a relationship.

    1. Every relationship will be unique…so it’s tough to give blanket advice. However lack of communication is likely something they will share. Before you kick a relationship the curb you should make sure both people have made every attempt to communicate their needs. It’s not easy. Often the communication comes off as whining or bitching…and that’s because it’s coming from an emotional place.
      Many people find it hard to communicate without blaming the other person, or hurting the other person. If how you communicate puts the other person on the defensive then it’s likely your message is not going to be truly heard.

      A person’s needs need to be communicated in a way that the other person does not feel attacked…and like I said….it’s not easy. Most people are terrible communicators, it is a skill that needs to be learned.

    2. As the saying goes in my country: “It is better alone than to be in bad company.” (meglio soli che male accompagnati)

      1. Sorry! That should read As the saying goes in my country: “It is better to be alone than to be in bad company.” (meglio soli che male accompagnati)

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