Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: “What is the general consensus on women with big labia, or longer inner labia, or dark labia? Does it really matter? With the rise in labiaplasty surgery and all the adult men’s mags only showing only “neat and tidy” vulvas, it’s hard to figure out if this is just some manufactured porn ideal or a vast preference among men…?”
Gay Single Guy (Daniel): If this is anything like the reference for cut versus uncut men (which would be the only way I could relate to this question, frankly), I’d have to say it’s probably just personal preference and if most of the men’s porn rags have neat and tidy, then that might just be the preference of the magazine editors. Big, dark, longer inner, whatever, it’s probably safe to say that a general consensus among men is CLEAN labia. After that, I’m sure it’s not a deal breaker.
Straight Single Guy (Mark Luczak): Cosmetically, a woman should feel completely comfortable with herself — confidence in oneself and one’s appearance is key. If you want to go to a dermatologist for help for vulvar and vaginal issues, that’s totally fine. There’s no shame in it and some women, especially those who have given birth, will feel more comfortable in bed if they get work done. I also understand women wanting to take any number of healthy avenues (diet, working out) toward as much visual improvement as one desires. At the end of the day, it’s totally up to personal preference.
As far as the male consensus, let me just say that if everything looked exactly the same, think how boring that would be. Those adult magazines simply don’t do justice to the great “variety” that is out there! Anyway, everyone being different in their own way is what makes us all special (not to go all Mr. Rogers). But seriously, if a guy is with someone he wants to be with for who she is as a complete person, how her labia look doesn’t really matter — he’s just thrilled to get to be intimate with her, and all her parts.
Straight Married Guy (James Glazebrook): I’m not a fan of plastic surgery, but I concede that not everyone is blessed with the same perfect proportions as me — that is, a big enough head to comfortably support some seriously outsized features.
So I understand why someone would get his or her nose done. After all, it’s out there for all to see, at all times. As for people whose face is the secret to their success, the pressure to have photogenic features has meant that movie stars stretching back to Marilyn Monroe have been getting their faces “fixed.”
The same is true for porn stars and their most valuable assets, their professional pussies. Either the big, long and dark labia are all being nipped and tucked, or they aren’t making it off the casting couch. But whether they’re being physically cut, or simply being cut in the editing suite, “imperfect” labia aren’t finding their way into pornography.
While this may be creating some impossible standards among men (and women) who can’t distinguish between fantasy and reality, for the rest of us it should be liberating. If your genitals aren’t frequently exposed to countless viewers, as long as they work, it doesn’t much matter what they look like. If you trust someone enough to let them down there, you should trust them not to put some alien porn ideal before your feelings or, more importantly, their chances of getting laid.
Our “guys” are a rotating group of contributors. This week’s Straight Married Guy is James Glazebrook of Most Likely To; our Gay Guy is one-time stripper and sex columnist Daniel; and our Straight Single Guy is Mark Luczak, a tech geek at Carnegie Mellon University. To ask the guys your own question, click here.
ok .. so my boyfriend of three years just informed me that my lips looked like they had been used frequently. I am not quite sure how to take this. I have been with my fair share of people in my life, but I am almost 40. And exposed to more than my fair share of abuse.I knew they were darker and longer than some photos I have seen. He did precede the statement by saying he loved my body and he didn’t want me to take it wrong but honestly I am not sure how to take it. We live a fair distance apart because of work and children but have known each other for more than 20 years so we do send a lot of photos and videos. We see each other on weekends but I now am more self conscious and don’t know what my options are. This makes me sad and fear that he doesn’t feel the same about me.
What people need to understand about labiaplasty is that, it is not just about aesthetics. Long labia cause pain and irritation and compromise genital hygiene.
And like all cosmetic surgeries it helps with people’s insecurities. Women carry this insecurity around their whole life and labiaplasty helps. I have had one myself and honestly I haven’t seen much porn or playboy. It isn’t about that. It isn’t about wanting a perfect vagina, it is about wanting to feel okay about it.
It is a very simple procedure, almost risk-free and sometimes even insurance companies agree to pay. So don’t be so judgemental.
I hate my large labia lips , I’m 19 and a virgin I’m just scared that when a guy see them his going to get turned off , my worst fear
Wow. Reading all of these has made me feel so much better. My boyfriend and I are eachother’s first relationship and I’ve gone down on him. He always tells me that he wants to do it to me but I am so embarrassed by mine. But this has really made me think that it won’t matter. My boyfriend is the sweetest and always tells me I’m beautiful no matter what. I think it’s time I let him.
@Dallas, I like your last sentence, but you shouldn’t be hating on others who don’t have the same labia as you. You’re kinda a hypocrite.
Lady parts are to be enjoyed by their owners and the men (or women) who are lucky enough to get intimate with them. I disagree that Playboy has led us all to believe labia minora should be small enough to stay hidden. Labia are visually appealing. Leave the light on. Get down there and get started.
Ok, so I’ve had my larger labia for as long as I can remember . The ex I had sex w for the first time said he cnt wait till I let him eat my fat pussy . For the longest time i was very uncomfortable w my lips but I’ve grown to be quite proud of them
🙂
Honestly speaking, I prefer “small” (aka, “neat”, “tidy”, etc.) labia. Aesthetically, it is just more appealing to me. I don’t think porn is responsible for my pussy preference as much as one may think though – if so, why do I prefer natural women (an unshaved women down there drives me wild and breast implants turn me off completely), plus I know plenty of other guys out there who *prefer* meaty lips… just like our bodies are different, so are our preferences.
The other reason besides looking prettier, is functionality. Yes, of course you can fuck a large-labiaed pussy with great enjoyment (as I have) , but you can’t ‘slip it in’ as easily when those big curtains get in the way (unless she’s *really* wet or lubed up). Having sex with a woman who has large labia requires diligently spreading her open with both hands as you insert your member (and watch out if a tentacle gets sucked in!) whereas sexing a woman with tidy little labia you can slip in sans manual assistance, which is much sexier IMHO…
That all being said, my partner (of 5+ years!) has rather large labia (the biggest I have ever experienced; compared to about 25-30 other data points over my 33 years) so it obviously isn’t a deal breaker if you love the person.
Recently I noticed my abnormal labia and freaked out! I was searching all over the net for Labiaplasty surgeons and everything. The comments here make me feel a lot better, it’s just that one side is like a little thin labia, and the other is all long and dark. It bothers me, but I suppose I’ll learn to live with it, cause these Labiaplasty surgeons do NOT seem very reliable!
Wow…This is kinda strange. I am in my early twenties and was never exposed to crazy amounts of porn (occastional Hustler) so it never really struck me that all vaginas in porn look the same. I’ve recently heard about women getting labiaplasty and my thought is why would you mutilate your vagina? I have a large labia and have been with a decent amount of people (men and women) and have never had a complaint or had anyone decide not to have sex with me because my labia is “different”. I think people are mostly just happy to be getting some!
My lips were torn about halfway down on one side when I had my second child. I never really thought about their appearance or being self conscious of them until my husband made a comment the other day, that none of the other girls look right because they aren’t split like mine. Guess people come in all shapes & sizes. (Pun intended)
My outter lips are very long. I’ve always thought my Flower was disgusting and I’m so afraid to let people see it. My ex boyfriend said he love my vagina and it was perfect!
I used to find my labia embarrassing as I grew up. They were quite long from an early age so were a bit uncomfortable in tight jeans. Quite a few years on, older and wiser, I usually wear jeans without panties, place my labia either side of the main seam, zip up snug and feel turned on and stimulated at the same time as doing every-day things….. enjoy your long labia. I know my man does.
@Dallas…
I agree that everyone should try to embrace themselves and love what they have. You are very lucky to have been born with what you consider “ideal”. But you can’t call someone out on being a hater when it was YOU who first made a negative statement about those women who’s pussy image doesn’t live up to what you consider attractive. Can we say hipocrite?
No one is going to respect your opinion if you can’t respect other’s opinions as well… And my pussy lips have no bearing on this response. I am as happy with my awesome snatch as you are of yours 🙂
My inner lips drag and one is longer than the other one. Its uncimfortable wearing tight pants for me too. My bf and I have been together over five years, he loves eating me out but I still feel insecure about them. Im hispanic and im light skin hispanic idk why my butterfly is so dark. But reading these comments make me feel better. I feel unique now. Mu bf tells me he loves to play with my lips, but i just always think he says tha to make me feel better. But maybe its true, i have only let him eat me out. Being 26 I need to start loving my butterfly.