Wise Guys: Is There Such a Thing as Too Much Sex?

photo by fhwrdh

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: “Is there such a thing as too much sex for a guy? Or will men generally be up for it whenever it’s offered/available?”

daniel_100Gay Single Guy (Daniel): THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS TOO MUCH SEX for a guy. Any man who claims the contrary might be asexual or LYING THROUGH THEIR TEETH. HOWEVER, that isn’t the same as “We’ll take it whenever it’s offered/available.” We DO have standards — even when drunk!

mark_luczak_100Straight Single Guy (Mark Luczak): I’ll step past the “Too much sex? Impossible!” stereotype that guys are just one-track hornballs who don’t think about anything other than where and how they can get some lovin’, constantly hounding gals until they finally give it up. Hopefully we all know by now that the spectrum of sex drives runs the gamut independent of gender.

For the most part, hey, sex feels amazing, and as humans we’re built to desire the connection, and the release, and everything that comes with it. So my initial thought is that “too much sex” would be a good problem to have, at least compared to “not enough sex,” whatever those two relative phrases would mean to any given person. So in those contexts, I’ll concede that guys will probably be generally up for it, as long as it doesn’t start to negatively affect things like work and other life responsibilities — again, it’s something we’re designed to crave, but there has to be a balance.

james_glazebrook_100Straight Married Guy (James Glazebrook): I know what my personal answer to this would be, but what if I’m abnormally low on testosterone, or technically a woman because of my tendency not to feel sexy enough, or just plain lazy? In the interest of impartiality, I opened up the question “Is there such a thing as too much sex for a guy” to readers of my blog Manflet. Unfortunately the insight of our typical reader ranged all the way from “in prison, mayhap” to a straight “no.” So while I may not agree with the biological argument that men are hard-wired to screw around and women are designed to be faithful, my straw poll of “normal” guys indicates that — as suspected — they’ll do it whenever, wherever, with who/whatever.

Our “guys” are a rotating group of contributors. This week’s Straight Married Guy is James Glazebrook of Most Likely To; our Gay Guy is one-time stripper and sex columnist Daniel; and our Straight Single Guy is Mark Luczak, a tech geek at Carnegie Mellon University. To ask the guys your own question, click here.


  1. Based on my data point of one, a man who says there’s no such thing as too much sex has never had too much sex. Or, possibly, just hasn’t had too much sex yet.

    “Too much” varies, obviously. Especially with age. And based on many, many conversations with men and women of age is that while all our social scripts assume men are sexually insatiable, or not satiable for long, a point is reached where “too much sex” for men happens to also be “not enough sex” for their partners.

    As for Avery’s specific question about refractory periods, the mythical average of 30 minutes really is a pretty good average. I remember the sociologist Pepper Schwartz talking with a little glow in her eyes about a partner who had none at all. I know for other men it can be up to a day. But yeah, as PB said, 10-15 minutes can be enough, especially with a partner who takes an active interest in one’s recovery. But as PB also said it can take a while after recovery to really get into it, and after enough orgasms… or maybe more accurately enough ejaculations… they tend to take on a kind of, I dunno, buzzy/tangy feel that can be intense but not necessarily entirely pleasant.

    Great question as always.


  2. I think everyone has their limit. While some people are currently getting far less than their limit, they still have one, its just harder for them to contemplate not being close to it. Certainly also, people’s limits vary.

    Also concerning refractory periods, I think we need to consider absolute and “practical” refractory periods. For me personally, while I might have an absolute period of 10-15 minutes to be physically ready again, it might take a period of 2 hours or more (practical refractory) for it to be fully enjoyable again, usually this occurs if the upcoming time will be the 3rd time in the past 24 hours or so. Despite being able do it during this additional lag time, many times it requires so much effort and concentration that it is just not enjoyable.

  3. My cup is half full not half empty. It’s not a question of too much sex just not enough coffee.

  4. @ Avery:
    “There’s a difference between “too much sex” and “Too much sex in one sitting”.

    —you might want to try standing up or lying down. I find too much sex in one sitting makes my husband’s bum go numb…. 😉

  5. Is there such a thing as too much sex? Only if it’s more sex than you want to be having. Simple enough.

    People vary so much I really don’t think there’s one good blanket answer to every single man’s (or person’s) libido. Also, I know for a fact that some men have limits to how much sex they want. My boyfriend has a slightly lower libido than mine (not a problem), so if we had sex every time I was in the mood for it, that would be too much sex for him.

    Conclusion? It varies from person to person. But I thought we knew that already.

  6. There’s a difference between “too much sex” and “Too much sex in one sitting”. What about that? I’m curious about refractory periods here.

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