Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: “What’s the difference between an average blowjob and an excellent blowjob?”
Straight Single Guy (Chris): I have had a handful of extraordinary blowjobs in my lifetime. Generally I say something to any talented giver, pointing out how noteworthy her skills are. One lovely woman asked me to explain why I thought it was so good. I thought about it for a minute and I think my answer to her is the same answer to this question:
- Enthusiasm. You’ve got to enjoy what you do.
- Vigor. You’ve got to do it like you want to finish the job.
- Lubrication. You can’t be afraid of a little saliva.
Gay Married Guy (Jon Ross): The thing that really separates the ho-hum BJ from the eyes-rolling-into-the-back-of-my-head one is undoubtedly passion and enthusiasm. Of course, there are many technical aspects that come into play, but even the most experienced, tongue-twisting mouth would be boring if there was no desire behind it. So, if you want to give a guy an excellent blowjob, get into it. There is nothing sexier for me than when the person blowing me is performing enthusiastically and getting turned on while doing so. I understand blowjobs are not everyone’s cup of tea. So it’s time to play-act a little. Find out what your man likes and go for it full tilt booty. Hopefully you’ll get something equally excellent in return. Oh, and just in case somehow someone missed the memo, the cardinal rule of blowjobs is NO TEETH.
Straight Married Guy (James Glazebrook): No teeth, and a lot of practice. Problem is, women don’t know how it feels to have your dick sucked, and how it should or shouldn’t be done — and we guys aren’t about to tell them how. We’re far too grateful to be on the receiving end to interrupt with helpful hints. We just lay back, relax, and hope it doesn’t grate too much.
Our “guys” are a rotating group of contributors. This week’s Straight Married Guy is James Glazebrook of Manflet, our Straight Single Guy is Chris DiClerico, and our Gay Married Guy is Jon Ross. To ask the guys your own question, click here.
AND IT SHOULD ELIZABETH,U GO GIRL
my girl does a great job at it,including the swallowing,she loves it,slow and easy last for hour,s
okay…this is a great teaching video for women who DONT want to give a blow job. You may have seen it already. Don’t worry, its totally SFW except for the whole theme itself. I promise most of you will laugh hysterically. It’s on youtube so it can’t be that bad anyway.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0hm7pp_JFOs
Elizabeth, I wish more women (even my wife) had the understanding you do about it. The power is truly in your hands, and er…your mouth. It seems that women who don’t like giving it often have issues receiving as well. I’m not without hangups myself. I can’t seem to understand what’s so enticing about rim jobs (giving and getting), but some people act like its not really sex without it. Bottom line, if you really love your partner in a non-selfish way, you will get pleasure from giving pleasure and will WANT to please them in almost any manner they draw pleasure from. I say almost because there are always exceptions and you should never coerce or guilt a partner into doing something they aren’t into. If you are as unselfish as you want them to be, you wouldn’t be able to derive any pleasure from a coerced act anyway.
Nervousmark
Nervousmark, I loved your line “your mouth and tonge are like a vagina with a brain.” Quite funny – and descriptive.
As for the power thing – I don’t get it. I’m pretty sure I’ve said it before, but giving a BJ makes ME feel powerful and in charge. There’s the obvious way (Uh, his junk, in my mouth, with my teeth … pretty sure I could do some damage if I wanted to – I would never do that, but still). But that’s not even it for me – it’s the fact that I am giving pleasure. I get to draw it out or quicken it up or what have you, and that in the end, I am responsible for giving him all that pleasure. It is INCREDIBLY hot. The only time I ever feel submissive when going down on my man is when we’re doing powerplay and I’m the bottom.
Madamoiselle L,
Your posts are classic! To get a compliment from you is indeed an honor. I did my best to convey how men feel about a good BJ. When I say “men”, I mean myself and a few buddies of mine who have voiced a few opinions from time to time. I realized that I should have made one more comment regarding inhibitions. We know when our woman is naturally inhibited. My advice to the woman is not to change too drastically or it will freak us out and could actually backfire. If you don’t normally like to go down on him, but have made the decision to change your thinking, that’s great…just let him know about it. I promise he’ll be supportive. Just don’t go from a strict “no oral contact” policy to the star of Horny Deepthroat Sluts 6 overnite. We’re gonna think something bad happened and we won’t enjoy the event at all. Ease into your new mindset so that he as well as yourself can adjust and enjoy it.
Cheers!
Good post, mark! Very on the mark, I’m sure my Man would say about the same thing.
You posted: “Ask him if he likes what you are doing at that moment, but do it in a way that shows you are really interested in knowing and don’t expect a 2-minute dissertation. A good grunt, “uh-huh” or gasp should be a good indicator.”
LOL! So like a man. Now, ask US, we’ll give you a blow by blow (sorry) explanation of the entire event, maybe even with a Power Point Presentation for visual aid, (“Now, here (point, with video stopped for dramatic effect) you changed direction, but you let the intensity wane a little, and I was almost there, then you had to change positions HERE (point) but then my head was up against the headboard and my hair looked weird, so if you don’t mind, next time…” which is why you don’t ask US. 😉 ) but ya’ll guys will be happy to just grunt.
Belt sander? OOOO! Scary.
Ladies, there are two different types of oral sex for guys…one is foreplay for sex and the other is the good old fashioned BJ. Let’s face it, anytime I can get my wife’s mouth on my dick, I’m happy, but when she gives me a gratuitous BJ, it’s just amazing! The commonalities between the two have already been mentioned a bunch in this forum, namely:
1. enthusiasm
2. desire to please
3. NEVER let him feel that it’s being done out of a sense of duty or obligation or even concession. If you do, it will take at least 2/3 of the pleasure out of it. It’s really hot if we think it’s YOUR idea.
4. your giving of oral sex shouldn’t be doled out or withheld as a reward or punishment for his behavior. This is demeaning and feels much the same like if would to you if we handed you $10 to $50 afterward depending on how well you did it.
5. Lubrication. Saliva, flavored oils, lard (jk)…we don’t care as long as there is a lot of it. Sloppy, slippery blowjobs are the ONLY blowjobs.
6. eye contact or not is not as important as your ability to demonstrate that you are very much into what you are doing and at least enjoy how you are making us feel.
The differences:
oral sex as foreplay should be pretty much straight to the point but no too intense as to risk ending it before it really begins as that can happen. It should be enthusiastic, rhythmic, and get you turned on knowing whats about to happen for you as well. A few good minutes of it and then abruptly stop and switch positions for the next action. We’ll pretty much know that the happy ending will avail itself someplace other than your mouth and that’s fine.
The gratuitous aka “Monster” blowjob is and should be set up beforehand with much thought. Think of it as your full-body massage complete with scented oil, candles, wine, rose petals and soft music. Don’t be afraid to plan a little bit. Get the towel, the flavored oils, the ice/Altoids/hot tea ready and staged. A bed is great, but can be tiring for you. Remember, we WANT you to enjoy yourself too, so it detracts if we think you are in any discomfort. A comfy chair works, loungers are even better. If you’re going to be kneeling at all, get a folded towel or soft blanket for your own knees. Wear something comfortable but sexy. You don’t have to pull out the “special” lingerie unless it makes you feel sexy. You may be surprised to find how hot we think an old tank top or flimsy t-shirt (no bra of course) and pair of panties is.
If you want to really make it all about him, get his favorite drink ready for him and don’t even think about being offended that he takes a sip whilst you work your magic. It’s all part of the sensual experience.
“No Funk on the Junk”: It’s okay to ask him to shower, trim or shave the shrubbery etc. He’ll gladly do it if you let him know that the experience is going to be worth the effort.
Think variety. I love to savor a great blowjob so I want it to last a while. Get creative with your movements, your tongue, hands, etc. Get a small massager (not penis-shaped vibrator) and use that on him for a while as well as your mouth. Switch things up and watch his body language for what you know he really likes so that you can finish him up with that technique in a bit. Ask him if he likes what you are doing at that moment, but do it in a way that shows you are really interested in knowing and don’t expect a 2-minute dissertation. A good grunt, “uh-huh” or gasp should be a good indicator. Likewise, you may get a response that says “Yes”, but conveys a less-than-enthusiastic tone. This is our way of saying, “it’s just wonderful that you’re doing this, and I appreciate your creativity, but I don’t like the belt sander as much as some of the other stuff you do.”
Time management: You don’t have to be there for 2 hours. 15 solid minutes will feel like forever if done right and it will take him a good 5 minutes for his eyes to uncross after he climaxes.
Swallowing is amazing! Spitting is okay as long as you don’t make a big deal about it. Least desirable is the hand job finish. It’s very anticlimactic and ends your amazing work on a sour note.
Finally, and please, if you hear anything from me, hear this: After you have performed this mind-numbing blowjob, do NOT under any circumstances and within 30 minutes of finishing:
1. nag him about unfinished projects
2. tell him he “owes you” a massage, dinner, housework, jewelry, etc.
3. give him any indication that you did not enjoy what you just did for him. This includes the comment, “I’m glad YOU enjoyed it.” or, “It doesn’t really do anything for me, but I’m happy if felt good to you.”
One last note: I’ve heard that a lot of women get hung up on the idea of a blow job because to them it seems more like a “power” thing. They get the image of the porn star man standing in front of the kneeling passive girl while he semi-violently throatfucks her. Hear me when I say this: we do not feel this way! That is NOT what we want. We love your mouth on our dicks…that much is true. Your mouth and tongue feels like a vagina with a brain. We want you to enjoy doing this for us, even if it doesn’t happen every day. Any man worth having loves you very much and would never demean you or want you to do something you can’t stand to do. If the mental thing is too much, you may actually want to speak to a counselor as the issue is probably much deeper than an aversion to oral sex.
Cheers!
Slart LOL! (In my best imitation of Marissa Tomei’s Jersey Girl in My Cousin Vinny) “Oh, yeah! I Edit!”
ROTFL! 😉
Ma’amselle, thanks so much for the validation! I have to confess that my imagination’s gone into overdrive wondering what kind of conversations you regularly have with medical personnel where this topic comes up. The mind reels!
As an aside, I’d like to mention how much I lurve your posts and how my countenance brightens every time I see one. However, I often wish you’d stop editing yourself and really open up and share with the group. Tell us how you really feel!
thanks ladies for sharing
how about timing?
for how long you usually want your man to suck/lick you clit? what about interaptions? do you guys like when man switch between breast and clit, etc?
Very true Madameoiselle. For me, sucking on the clit will cause my eyes to cross in pain, but if there are girls who love it, go get seconds. In fact, you can have my portion as well. 😉
BC you said: “While licking the penis is totally acceptable, sucking the vulva is a big no-no.” I agree that blowing air into the vagina is a BAD idea. You could get an air embolism (actually more commmon in pregnancy, but could happen any time, he’d think you were having an orgasm, and you’d be stroking out (meaning HAVING a stroke) not good. But, some nice, nasty sucks on the clit, or even the entire vulva can be heavenly at the right time……..*sigh*
It depends what you like. Every person is different.
I am also one who loves giving blow jobs.
Getting tired can be a problem; sometimes a guy is slow to ejaculate, for whatever reason, and holding your mouth open for long periods of time is tiring (or worse, cramping). Practice does help, but so does alternating sucking with licking or sucking with stroking.
For those of us who don’t like the taste of ejaculate, eating plain peeled cucumber afterward takes the taste away (don’t season it or eat the skin, that can make the ejaculate stronger)
Basically, for every obstacle there is a solution, so imho, there’s no reason not to make your man as happy as he can be.
In answer to @jerry’s question, I love getting and giving (but not at the same time). I would want the guy I’m with to totally understand that fellare (where we get fellatio) literally means “to suck”, while cunnilingus literally means “to lick the vulva”. While licking the penis is totally acceptable, sucking the vulva is a big no-no, as is blowing air in my va-jay-jay.
Personally, I like a guy to take his time and enjoy what he is doing – nothing is moodkill like having a partner who reacts like he’d rather eat a three-day dead rat. And a compliment or two never hurts. It doesn’t have to be flowery, “Baby, you taste so good” or even just “Mmmm” is as much poetry as “Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?”
So basically, my list is the same as the guys list: basic knowledge of how to treat the equipment, enthusiasm, enjoyment. Oh, yeah, and cuddle afterward (it’s a girl thing ;).
Hey, Slart, I use “get there” or “Get to my destination” also. Especially when talking to medical personnel. (Perimenopause, and I am about to (hopefully) start on some Testosterone to help with the “OMG it’s taking a long time….” issue.) I used to be hair trigger. It used to take no time at all, and I used to have to try to stall to make it happen later. (Back then, I usually only got one, so if it happened too soon, I’d get dry etc) I didn’t think the hot flashes and cold sweats of menopause were a big deal until the difficulty “arriving” started a few months ago. *Sigh*
Hmm, a gentleman asked what WE want. When I speak for myself, I want a man to take his time, start out ALL over the place (not just genitalia and breasts) then go all over the place all over the entire Yoni region, use something (fingers, hands, a dil or vibrator) for some penetration, and keep GOING once I get there. A man who is totally INTO it is the best. My Man says it’s his favorite thing to do, so I believe him.
And again IMO, it’s best to fuck RIGHT after to keep the streaming orgasm going. My Man is a little older (he’s 50) and we can’t always go right to intercourse anymore (he needs some additional stimulation, which I am only TOO happy to give him, and I usually get a few Os out of that myself, too, plus the look on his face is priceless,) which is OK, but I really like the full body feeling of a man ON me and IN me after the first few orgasms.
That’s just me.