Advice from three of our guy friends. This week a straight woman asks,“What is the appeal (or not) of a woman who’s completely bare down there?” Click here to ask the guys your own question.
Straight Married Guy (Mike): I grew up in a world of topshelf Playboy (and god forbid) Penthouse magazines. In Playboy, the bush was an airbrushed mask that softened the mystery of what was underneath — and it was a mystery. In Penthouse, more was revealed, but the bush was as celebrated as the afro. The bush itself was the object of fascination — and the subject of much full frontal nudity. Then, somewhere along the way — perhaps it was the Clinton years — the bush started to fade away. First a mohican strip, then a mere trail, followed by total eradication. The mystery, the magic of all that is female was lost for an entire generation. Too bad for them.
It’s kind of hard to take this hairless fad seriously — and that’s what it is — because it is born out of digital-age pornography, not natural lust. It’s made us into uniform skinned aliens. Human fuck-me dolls. It asks women to be forever girls and not women. Worse, it demands aesthetic perfection, which opens the door to surgery, bleaching and other madness. Bob Guccione, the world needs you.
Gay Single Guy (Jay Dyckman): I suppose the appeal is practical. I mean, how many times have you seen someone struggle to dislodge a pubic hair from his or her mouth or throat during the middle of sex? Things are going great and then suddenly Garfield is coughing up a hairball down below. Sort of a mood-breaker. But I have to say, as it goes for gay guys — and yes, many guys also trim to within an millimeter of their life down there — I find it can be a turn-off. The more manicured a man is, the less masculine he comes across. And for many gays, myself included, that’s a no-go. I suppose that doesn’t hold true for my straight brethren however.
Straight Single Guy (Tyler Barnett): The issue of hair down there seems to be generational and cultural. Just about every guy friend I have (we’re in our late twenties) agrees that completely shaved is the best bet. Comparisons are often made to shaved vulvas resembling adolescents, and understandably so, but I personally have never made that connection visually, physically or mentally. For me and my friends, is just looks and feels clean, smooth and feminine. It’s a cultural norm, as common as shaved legs and armpits. Underarm hair on women is generally thought to be displeasing, but in Europe it was considered sexy for years. If it were really an issue of pubic hair being natural, I would ask why women shave their legs and underarms here? Without getting too graphic, finding a hair in my salad at a restaurant is enough to ruin the entire meal. Make sense?
If I had the money I’d wax it all the time, but I can barely afford food, so I’m not going to worry about it. If I gross a guy out, then he knows where the door is.
Its all a matter of habit. For someone who didn’t try/think of shaving down there until later on, it would feel weird to do so now and make them feel bare. For those that started doing it early, it feels as natural as shaving their legs/armpits, and doesn’t make them feel weird or less womanly because that’s how its always been.
I don’t really think porn is to blame – I think porn allowed people to consider their options. In the years before the internet, people weren’t deciding not to shave because porn wasn’t abundant. Shaving was just a style that few were aware of or considered. If someone decided to shave down their, people were generally unaware because its not seen by others, so a trend would never catch on. This is unlike shaving legs/armpits because when women first did, others could take notice and decide if they wanted to. Porn has just allowed us to see what others were doing.
I have to say, this is one of the most mature and tolerant discussions I have ever been involved in about pubic hair removal. Everyone has been tolerant and kind, and simply speaking their minds and stating their comfort zone, not criticizing others’ choices. I haven’t seen the usual words associated with this subject, such as either “Filthy!” or “Pedophile!” yet. I thank all of you for your maturity. 🙂
AlanK, your is a most profound post. It was duly appreciated.
I think some of us are caught between generations here…as with M.L., my daughter (19) says that everyone shaves completely now (boys and girls), she, too, thinks discussions about “how much to leave” are hilarious, as everyone she knows takes it all off. Can’t say I’ve partaken of this particular new fad, but if you’re looking for a fictional take on the benefits, try reading Nauti Nights by Lora Leigh, or the chapter in Hump (non-fiction) by Kimberly Ford.
For me, waxed > shaved > trimmed > au natural.
There’s two reasons:
1.) Having hair stuck inbetween your teeth or hairballs down your throat are not particularly pleasant for either party especially in the heat of the moment.
2.) I’m not terribly fond of chaffing my lips on stubbles.
I actually just had it all removed with electrolysis–I thought hard before doing it because I know some people argue it makes you look pre-pubescent. But I started waxing it off completely before I was even sexually active, so my decision wasn’t influenced by what men might think is hot based off of Playboy or the like. It’s far more convenient than keeping up trimming or trying to shape something. It’s also the most maintenance-free way to go, especially if you take care to exfoliate (or go permanent like I did) to avoid razor bumps. I like to be well groomed but I’m also a busy woman!
Anybody like Auden? “Law, say the gardeners, is the sun.”
Yet law-abiding scholars write:
Law is neither wrong nor right,
Law is only crimes
Punished by places and by times,
Law is the clothes men wear
Anytime, anywhere,
Law is Good morning and Good night.
Or to put it another way, we are in the midst of what (to me) is an idiotic fashion birthed by an overabundance of digital pornography. It will change soon. Or it will not. Damned if I know. (I keep saying this is the last possible season for giant stiletto heels and am always proven wrong.) But it is a fashion and it is without any real importance. If any doubt it–do you really think if, overnight, every woman in America decided to dye her pubes green the men of America would act in any way differently?
Relax. You don’t want to hang out with anyone to whom this matters.
also i’m 21
I don’t shave. any guy who doesn’t like it can leave. I barely shave my legs and think that its silly. I will shave my legs when I have to wear a skirt but with every day wearing jeans? who’s gonna care?
look, whatever works for you is fine. my man likes my hair, and i like his. humans were not meant to be hairless…as for the underarms and legs thing, i shave those now mostly because it’s just a matter of comfort…i started young and now it’s a matter of habit.
when i shave down there, i feel…puffy, exposed, like a wittle girly girl. you can’t pick and choose the parts of the vagina you like…you either love the whole thing, hair and all, or you don’t love it at all.
I find it frustrating that this issue worries me.
I don’t shave down there, EVER, first and foremost because I get a terrible case of razor burn that hurts me quite a bit and is undoubtedly visually displeasing to anyone who happens to take a look at it. Also, are there any raven-haired girls who are slightly more on the hirsute end of the spectrum than their fair-haired sisters? Shaving leaves noticeable, scratchy-ass stubble. Gross. And it’s way worse in the pubic area than it is anywhere else in the body.
The alternative is professional waxing, which I have difficulty paying for. Sorry, it’s just one of those “luxuries” (what the fuck, it hurts) I’d rather sacrifice so that I can pay for other stuff instead.
The other alternative is plucking. Yeah. Plucking. Like, hair by hair. I’ve done it before. It has to be done over a period of several days (unless you just happen to have nine hours to spare and don’t mind spending those nine hours hunched over in compromising, muscle-ache-inducing positions).
I feel so defeated. The calmer, colder, more rational side of me believes I have a pretty fucking legitimate reason to not “go bare down there,” especially if it’s expected of me ALL the time. The frailer side of me, however, that is so eager to please and unable to stand up to the weight of the patriarchy, feels kinda bad and embarrassed about all this.
As such, the “I appreciate the effort” kinds of comments rub me the wrong way, although I know they are well intentioned, and not exactly aimed someone with an inordinately complicated stance on the issue, such as, well, me.
I break it down in three respects, how it looks, how it feels, and how it tastes.
Fully shaved does sometimes look a little funny and a bit immature, but as others have said, knowing that your partner prepared herself a ahead of time is a bit of a turnon.
Fully shaved feels a bit better to my fingers than alternatives, and she seems more responsive as well.
Where fully shaved really wins is when I’m going down. The lack of even a little hair feels infinitely better to my lips and tongue. Everything feels wetter, hotter, and tastes better when it is just skin-on-skin.
Where shaving seems to make little difference to me is in intercourse.
It is nice to know your partner keeps your comfort in mind when it comes to their own personal hygiene, but personally, I don’t believe it has to go so far as ripping out all the hairs of a very sensitive area, or risking razor/depilatory burn, only to have the hair grow back a day or two later and be insanely itchy and uncomfortable for the next week. And who wants to get close to a porcupine?
Just keep it nice and trimmed! It’s there for a reason.
Weird, I had a discussion with my oldest daughter, who is in her early 20s just the other day. I have a small mirror with a stand in our bathroom, she lives with her fiancee, and was using our bathroom, and came out holding the mirror. “Mom, you have a big mirror over the sink, why do you have that little one? The one with the horror “enlargement” side on it, that makes your pores look like the Grand Canyon? Uk!”
I said it was so I could see the back of my head, when I do my hair and “for shaving my pubes.” She asked, “Why do you need a mirror? To shave? Don’t you know where your junk is?” (OK, she’s my kid, obviously.) I told her I liked to keep it even. She didn’t get this. “Even? What do you need to keep even?” I replied, “The stuff I leave.” She said she didn’t even KNOW anyone who left any, her friends, they all shave it all off. I replied that most of my friends don’t shave at all, any of it.
She replied “Yuck, gross.” I refrained from getting on a soap box about my opinion concerning one’s pubic area looking like a 7 year old’s. It’s her body, although I doubt she realizes the effect some porn (most of which she has probably never even seen) has had on what is considered “hygienic.” (Because actually leaving the hair is more hygienic, as I’ve said before.)
Generational differences, but I agree more with Mike. I think at least SOME hair does make one look like an adult. Nothing wrong with tidying up, but I don’t care for bare, on men or women. I also agree with Jay. As I’ve said before, hairy balls are cute. And masculine. JMO.
Yes, it’s tidier, yes, it’s nice not to have a mouthful of pubic hair, and yes, it’s nice to be able to actually see the object of one’s desires (Georgia O’Keefe paintings never had hair on them).
But more than all of these it’s nice to know that your partner thinks about being sexual enough to plan ahead, to make preparations; that they don’t take your affections so for granted that grooming ends at the hemline.