Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: “Why are money shots so prevalent in porn? What’s the appeal? And is this something that doesn’t translate into real life or would most guys like to see their own money shots more?”
Straight Single Guy (Colin Adamo): If it weren’t for money shots in pornography, male ejaculation would be the worst thing in the world. We as men feel pretty cheated when it comes to our orgasm in comparison to women’s. Seriously, what a mess! And where’s all the intensity? (Sure, I’ve had some orgasms that are out of this world, where I feel like a firework exploding, but those are once in a blue moon. I’ve also had plenty of orgasms that are like an exaggerated sneeze, too.) But with decades of money shots now enmeshed in our cultural conceptions of sex, we’ve put some thick layers of lipstick on a pretty ugly pig. After you watch enough videos of women delightedly begging for it all over their face, bodies, and mouths, you can start to believe that your ejaculation is the most coveted prize on the planet. With this sort of mentality, all anxieties are pushed aside and we’re super psyched to come.
Every guy probably wants to see their money shot just once — to know what it’s really like. But it’s not something we need all the time. We recognize all the problematic weight it carries to finish on you the same way we usually do with a dirty sock or wad of tissues, so most of us aren’t up for doing this all too often in the real world. But everyone’s got to try everything once… right?
Gay Committed Guy (Terence): Why does everyone turn to watch the champagne be uncorked. Don’t they know they could lose an eye? Money shots are the champagne explosions of porn, and everybody loves champagne. So for the same reason the crowd continues to cheer and hoorah after the fifth bottle of bubbly being popped, so too will multiple money shots in porn make a man smile.
Straight Married Guy (Fred): Well, for guys, ejaculation is the grand finale of sex. It’s the big explosion at the end of a Hollywood movie. Why wouldn’t you show it, really? What I want to know is, what’s with all the money shots in women’s faces? It seems 90% of the time porn ends that way. I think it’s weird. It most certainly has a defiling component. Like he’s pissing on her or marking her in some way. It definitely puts her below him. Is that necessary? It’s popular, so I’m guessing that, generally speaking, men like it. Are men really that angry at women? Did I answer with a question?
Our “guys” are a rotating group of contributors. Colin Adamo is an undergrad at Yale University where he directs the biennial Sex Week at Yale; Terence is an American living in Sydney; Fred is a little shy. To ask the guys your own question, click here.
I love the money shot! Mostly, I just love watching him come; plus, it’s easier than trying to keep going with my mouth. Some women can get turned on by being ejaculated on and don’t see it as degrading at all.
You could give up on the comments forever because of one commenter (commentator?), OldTimer, or you could just skip her comments.
I, for one, very much like Mml. L’s insights.
I’m a long time Em and Lo reader. I became a fan back in the very early Nerve days, so we’re talking ten years, maybe ten years plus. I read a lot, but don’t post much, but I often like reading the posts. But I have to say, for some time now, Mademoiselle L has been ruining it for me. I got tired of reading (or skimming, rather, her lengthy posts a long time ago, and now I’m getting tired of scrolling. I don’t want to give up on reading the comments altogether, but I guess I have to, unless there comes a way to abbreviate the long ones.
I’m more on Madamoiselle L’s side of the fence here: stepping past the issue of degradation (and a lot of people on both ends see it that way) I think it’s probably got to be way more interesting to watch one’s partner do than to do one’s self.
Because, seriously, getting to the edge of orgasm only to pull out the instant before maximum stimulation with or from a partner in order to… ejaculate into thin air? Yeah, what could feel better than that? Not.
Meanwhile, though, if it’s your partner doing it you can at least be thinking “hey, I did that!”
My guess is that it started out in porn as a way to prove that the actors were really “doing it.” Instead of the simulated sex that was the norm back when violating very real censorship laws had equally real consequences.
Another possible reason is that from a scheduling and budget standpoint it’s way easier to wipe ejaculate off and start filming the next scene.
For whatever reason, though, they started doing it a lot in (mostly heterosexual) porn and that’s what people started to expect. All things considered though, I’d do it if a partner asked me to but otherwise? No way! It’s worse than interrupting a sneeze.
The only upside, and I think it’s a big one, is that while you wouldn’t want to use withdrawal as your only method of birth control, adding withdrawal to whatever else you’re using is going to seriously reduce the odds of an unplanned, unwanted pregnancy. And returning to the point that some people really do like it because they think it’s a way to degrade or “mark” their partners, it’s probably a very good idea to do everything you can to avoid having children with them.
Cool question, by the way.
figleaf
I am a woman who loves the money shot and I don’t find it the least bit degrading. Anywhere my man would like to shoot I am more than happy to oblige. There is nothing hostile or humiliating about it at all. It’s hot.
Has no appeal to me what so ever; either as a watcher or do’er.
The term “Having power over someone” is very subjective. Many women feel VERY powerful when giving a man head. Not in a bad way, not in a controlling way, but in a strong, powerful, feminine way.
BTW, “money shot” doesn’t just mean a man ejaculating on a woman’s face, it means simply showing the ejaculation. I don’t know if some women have semen fear, like some men have vagina secretion fear, or what, but I don’t see what is “degrading” about a “facial”. Again, it comes down (sorry) to Consent.
I mean personally, I’d draw the line at something like Bukakee, but, that’s me. If some women like that, and consent to it, then who cares?
in someways without trying to say it in the wrong way for me its a “primevil” territory marking, even though i have been living with my wife for nearly ten years and we don’t swing or the like i want to do it to say she is my wife and no one else’s.
This is one of those things that gets to me. Yes, some people like to degrade their partners in bed and their partners like it, too. It’s still okay for people who don’t like that to say, ew.
I think straight married guy raises a good question – why is something intended to express men having power over women in sex in a degrading way so popular? Why isn’t there something that shows the reverse that is equally popular? Does it reflect any hostility?
@doubletree – I don’t think you’re missing something in the porn. I think it is intended to be defiling.
Madamoiselle L said it best: “…consent is the key,” even if only implied (as in part of games, as Johnny mentions). Whatever makes one happy and doesn’t harm another. My first comment was more focused on the facials in porn. In most I’ve seen, my perception is that the recipient isn’t really enjoying it. Maybe bad acting? Maybe I need to increase the sample size. 🙂
I only feel like I did something dirty and wrong for giving a facial when I accidentally give my first mate pirate eye.
I don’t’ see being on the “receiving” end of a sex act “degrading.” Again, that kind of thought plays into women “giving” and men “getting” sex. Whether it’s a “facial” or providing oral pleasure to a man, a man providing oral pleasure to a woman, anal sex etc. If it’s consensual, it ISN’T “degrading” to either party.
Johnny is right, of course the “naughty” aspect of any sex act if fun, the fact that OTHER people might consider it “nasty” turns people on. (By people, I mean me…..)
When two people in a couple care about each other (and in our case, My Man and me, even are in love with each other) NOTHING which we both agree to is insulting or degrading. If it gives both of the people in the couple pleasure and there is no actual coercion, then it can’t be degrading. Again, consent is the key.
The money shot is neat, but it’s a fetish I moved past, oh, ten years ago. It’s passe in my pantheon of perversion. Now when I give a money shot it is almost always – surprise – at my lady’s request.
How many of my commited partners have requested a facial? All of them. So obviously it’s not JUST the dudes who are turned on by that. And this is what I mean when I say that porn has been great for sex overall. It’s a trickle-down effect. Even people who don’t watch porn wind up inevitably exposed to the perversions contained therein. Women are increasingly seeing sex acts formerly viewed as misogynistic – like facials and buttsex – as fun and kinky.
To Fred & Doubletee – yeah, there’s an element of degredation to a facial. But so what? That doesn’t mean the man hates women, or even his current, sperm-spattered partner. I am big into degredation and humiliation games (giving and getting), and I care for all my parnters. Some of them I love, some of them I like, but I respect and care for them all. Even if I don’t know them very well. Otherwise I wouldn’t hook up with them.
I’m with Fred on the defiling component of the shots to the face. While I love seeing a bit (or more!) drip from her lips, or shots on the belly, breasts, or ass, an overt attempt to cover her face does seem like an angry gesture.
As a woman, I LOVE the money shots. Most of the time, you are pretty sure the woman are usually faking it a good proportion of the time, but at least you can watch the man enjoy himself. I find these shot arousing, and, yes, My Man and I will sometimes fast forward through a particularly long and boring BJ or intercourse scene to get to the money shot, usually at my direction.
(shrug) I like it when My Man ejaculates, it turns me on, I know he is experiencing intense pleasure and that in turn makes me not only happy, but horny. The reason we watch porn is to see the stuff WE like in bed, so watching the “money shot” is a turn on for a lot of people.