Your Call: Is His Wife Cheating on Him?

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call by leaving your advice in the comments section below. This week, it’s a real mystery!:

Dear Em & Lo,

Lately my wife and I have been fighting a lot. I don’t feel close to her at all. The few times we do have sex in a month, I’ve noticed lately that when we have intercourse, something is making my penis feel “numb”. Whatever it is it really desensitizes me. My immediate thought is she is cheating on me and her new guy must use those condoms that make you numb and it’s staying inside of her and that’s what is making me numb. I’ve never noticed this until recently and we’ve been married over 10 years. What could this be?  Could this be feminine products she uses that is doing this?  Whatever it is, it’s only when I’m inside of her.

— Suspicious Mind

What should SM do?


  1. Is it possible that she tried a new kind of lube? Some of the lubes out there now have a “cooling” effect that can make things tingly. Though you would have probably seen her use the lube, you might ask her if she’s using any new products down there. I doubt that any of this is on her end, though. The numbing effect of those condoms would wear off minutes after intercourse. Unless she ran home immediately after her affair and jumped on you, you probably wouldn’t notice any numbness from the condom.

    Have you ever considered that the problem may be yours, whether mental or physical? A quick google search for “penis numbness” is telling me that a lot of guys experience similar things, and all of them cannot possibly have girlfriends who are cheating using numbing condoms. Maybe it’s a circulation thing or a sign of another health problem. I would talk to your doctor before accusing your wife of cheating. It’s not always your partner’s fault when the sex feels different!

  2. It must be something she’s using not the numb condoms. Me and my girlfriend have been using those condoms for six months and I sometimes fuck her without them, but never experience what u experiencing bra

  3. The effect of the desensitizing condoms, which are marketed to “help” premature ejaculation, is temporary. You would have to be having sex right behind him in order for you to be feeling the effects as well.

    *If* there is a him.

    The only one who knows the answer to your question is your wife. You have to talk to her. If she denies it and you still suspect her, then it’s time to evaluate what you’re getting out of the marriage to compensate for this uncertainty and suspicion.

  4. I don’t buy your theory at all about the condoms. I think you really need to tell her about the numbness and ask if shes been using any new products. Women use any number of things down there, and it might be something completely innocuous. I really doubt it is from a numbing condom.

    However, I think any suspicions of cheating should be taken seriously. If you really feel like something is off, you need to be aware of that and try to address it if you can,before you drive yourself crazy. It might not be what you think, but if something feels not right, you need to figure out what’s going on.

  5. Talk or walk, Buddy. You’re story is just a story. Time to find out what’s really going on between you two, and it’s not about what going on below the waist. In your heads.

  6. Just as a side note, my ex and I used the Trojan extended pleasures and they cause an odd sensation. They don’t numb all the feeling. I guess you could say there are two types of sensation in your penis, if you grab it with your hand like you are masturbating and trying to cum….that hard intense pressure…its the same feeling of a vagina closing around you…with a condom on its how you know your in. The other is a gentler feeling like if you just run your fingers gently down your penis…or why just being in a women is so amazing. That is the sensition those condoms block. So if you feel that than maybe. But for me the feeling of numbness only lasted about an hour. And I could take the condom of after a few minutes and fornicate with my girl. With that in mind she only once complained of not feeling anything and that was from when I put the condom on inside out…I know stupid mistake in general. So i hope this help…and I know your scared to talk to her, I feel your pain and it may turn out rough but it will be better in the long run than being suspicious

  7. Is it actual numbness, like novocaine on your dick, or just lack of sensation? If it’s just lack of sensation it could be that your mind – your mental one and your penile one – isn’t in it. Could be because of the problems you’re having with your wife.

    -And dannie, re: “those condoms should only desensitize him, not her”. I’ve always seen those “numbness” condoms advertised and packaged as novelty items. As such, I wouldn’t really expect a high level of efficacy or design from them. I wouldn’t be surprised if they numbed the woman too.

  8. Okay, I can’t just leave it at that. First of all, if she is cheating on you and he is using those condoms–why would it be inside her? The condoms are designed to make the man numb, not the woman (that’d be a bit counterproductive), so how could she have it inside her? Second, what are you arguing about? Do you know what’s going on in her life? How she feels about things? Why did you leap so quickly to thoughts of cheating; are there more signs, or are you really just that suspicious ALL the time? Does she know you’ve been experiencing this? Might it be a circulation problem? What have YOU been feeling lately? I think you should take this problem to your wife before a bunch of strangers online. It’s no wonder you’re not feeling close to her.

  9. Wow. What a conclusion to leap to. I have three words for you, and that is all I’ll give you, to see if you can puzzle this out for yourself (or you could just try talking to your wife like a human being): Not enough information.

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