Dear Em and Lo,
I have a friend let’s call him “A”, we used to be closer, but as time has gone by, we probably see each other every other month or so, and the occasional email of non-importance (humor, etc). I’ve known for a while that “A” has had a crush on my wife. In fact all my friends think she is a catch.
“A” sends my wife emails several times a week, political commentaries, humor, a little bit of everything, but nothing too personal. My wife was recently hospitalized for several weeks. “A” went out of his way (30 or so miles) to see her several times a week. While she was in the hospital she was up all hours, and my friend would drunk dial her. During these conversations he would tell her about how much of a crush he has always had on her, how special he thought she was, how she should go to baseball games with him (season ticket holder), how he was lonely and needed a woman in his life, and would also ask her for advice on meeting women.
My wife was very upfront about this happening, and just blew it off as him being harmless, and that he was making up for the times when he had dropped the ball in years past when we had a mutual friend in the hospital, and he didn’t step up to the plate.
When I asked her how she would feel if one of her friends called me more than her, emailed me, flirted with me, drunk dialed me, etc., my wife said she got the picture and that it would be inappropriate.
Not more than 20 minutes later my wife said she was going to call him, to make sure he wasn’t embarrassed by the things he said during the drunken conversations.
Now he is coming over for dinner.
I don’t have many close friends, so losing a friend really hurts. I know my wife isn’t attracted to him, but I still can’t stomach his behavior. I feel disrespected.
I have already been struggling with my lack of close friends, trying to figure out what I am doing wrong, why I have acquaintances instead of friends, why I no longer have deeper friendships in my life? Believe me I am keeping my therapist busy.
Do I keep this friendship? Do I try and salvage it? Or do I walk away?
— Virtual Cuckold
Can’t see the poll? Click here to take it.
Ok, I can understand if someone has been neglecting their wife emotionally that this can lead to trouble but if she starts using excuses like the one above^ (“understand that we women tend to feel bad for people and nurture them even when there’s really nothing we can do other than listen to them and be supportive. We’re conditioned to be good people and help.”) then it is time, my friend, for YOU to move on.
Man, I hope you haven’t been neglecting her emotionally ,if so you opened your relationship up to this and you better fix it fast! If not, understand that we women tend to feel bad for people and nurture them even when there’s really nothing we can do other than listen to them and be supportive. We’re conditioned to be good people and help. It takes alot for us to not feel bad sometimes about putting someone in their place. We often times make excuses for men’s behavior as we are looking for the best in them. Only you know if your relationship is in trouble…..
Cut all contacts with him; god forbid if your wife starts feeling something for him!!! this guy has openly stated that he has a crush on her and goes out of his way to be near her. he is a troublemaker, just tell him clearlt that you don’t like him chatting too much with your wife and tell him to keep his distance.
talk about disrespect. kudos to the wife for being up front, but what a creeper. bag that man, find a real friend.
hey I’m in the same situation and I almost felt stupid looking up on line what I was going through. The role are reversed and I have a long term girlfriend that I feel is hitting on my husband. We’ve talked about the situation and I explained my uncomfortableness with her call him without me knowing. He did say it was a little uncomfortable and because she’s my friend I can say something. I don’t feel that comfortalbe saying anything but you’re not alone and you shoudl protect your relationship even if it means giving up a friend. Viola, I know what to do now. thanks I hope all works out.
Dang…Your wife is enjoying this or she would have already stopped it. She should step up with you by her side (if thats what she wants) & tell him she loves you & there will never be anything between them. Also say maybe sorry if this ends our friendship but if he is hitting on your wife he isnt really that good of a friend anyway. Good luck to you & I hope she makes the right choice. Stay strong.
I have walked in your shoes in the past. I could clearly tell a friend of mine was very interested in my boyfriend ,did not care how her actions affected me. She prefers my boyfriend over me. It just changed the way I saw her. My boyfriend at first didn’t think much of it. Then one day,he ran into her ,when I wasn’t there. Well she made a pass at him. He was surpised that she was willing to take it that far. He told me , and he told her he wasn’t interested in her that way. He then told her,she wasn’t welcomed around us anymore.
don’t ever say your wife is not interested in “A”. if she wasn’t this would have stop a long time ago. your wife is definitely interested on some level and she is enjoying the attention. but its obvious she loves you enough to tell you about his calls.
You need to cut “A” off now or you will regret it. good luck in what ever decision you make
I went through a similar situation. There was a woman whom I was friends with, not close friends but still friends. She came onto my husband every chance she got! She called him five times in one day on his bosses cell phone while they were roaming!(My husband was fired the next day, first time in his life!) When he got a new job, he was careful not to tell his best friend whom she was married to where he worked. She called my son’s school and upset them so badly that they called a meeting with us regarding this “crazy woman’s” phone call, one that lasted three hours and docked my husband a half a days pay. She tried to forward my mail! She came by at night to see my husband and kids while I was in college classes.
She was hateful as heck to me at times and she deliberately tried to make me think that something was going on between her and my husband
whom she tried desperately to be alone with trying to get the kids to leave the room more than
once, then when she used some of my friends artwork to make siggys and put MY name on it, I just blew a fuse and ended the friendship finally and for good. I tried to end it several times before that but she wasn’t so good at taking hints. It was sad because my husband had to end
his friendship with his friend because of his friends wife. However word around the campfire was she had done this before. My advice on this is simple: END THE FRIENDSHIP cause real friends do not do this. Thats what we did.
What is up with that?!!!!! What is a true definition of a friend!!!!??? Evidently this person is the opposite of true friendship!!! You would never disrespect your firend or his wife in he first place if he is in love with her He should just leave the friendship and never see them again no explanation needed!!! The wife did right by going to her husband about it!!! But like my mother use to say you came into this world by yourself and you leave here by your self!!!! Only God can be your judge and jury and your helper so you dont need people who are only their to sponge and who are trully jealous of your life and happiness!!! Get rid of the bum!!!!
You have 2 actions here that you HAVE to do.
1. Kick his butt to the curb, and never speak to him again…….end of story, game over, caput. He’s NOT your friend.
2. Tell your wife that if she continues to entertain this schmuck, she’s next. She is enabling his behavior.
This guy is not your friend if he’s bold enough to flirt with your wife and doesn’t seem to care that you know. Drop his *ss he’s not worth having in your life. You should actually be the one to tell him to back off your woman. One thing, just make sure your wife isn’t telling him anything to keep encouraging his behavior towards her. Good luck.
I hit on them because I want to get them into bed.No way do I want a serious relationship,just a f buddy.I can get other friends so his friendship doesn’t mean anything nore do I care about whom I hurt as long as I get in her pants.We will have our fling & move on to the next one so who does it hurt anyway.I’m a stud & need to keep it going.If he never finds out who gets hurt?
All I can say to you is that “there is a storm coming, and it looks like you will be the one to get wet,and if you do not start growing some balls and step in yourself and handle the situation;if you believe that there is one, then prepare to get an umbrella, because the storm is coming.
dude..grow a set.tell your friend to stop the be.you say you dont want to loose a friend..hes not your friend if hes hitting on your wife.also..your wife is incoreging him.she probably likes the attention.otherwise she would have told the “friend off and set the boundries rite off the bat.
i say tell your “friend” he needs to stop calling your wife and making plans with her and tell your wife to let this guy know rite up fron nothing will ever happen between them and that if he can stay inside the boundries of a platonic friendship as in no flirting and saying that hes atracted to her then he needs to stop calling and find a new hobbie.