Your Call: Should I Lie to Virgin BF About My Body Count?

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call by leaving your advice in the comments section below:

Dear Em & Lo,

My boyfriend and I are in college, have been dating for 8 months, but have never had any sort of talk about prior sexual experience. He was a virgin before he met me, so I figure maybe he was embarrassed to bring it up. If he does ask me, I don’t know what to say!

I know numbers are all relative, and a high number to one person is different than another, but we’re talking about a guy with zero sexual experience before me. Maybe I’m making assumptions, but as I guy I feel he would be even more insecure to know any details about my past and I don’t want it to drive a wedge between us.

No matter what feminists and the like would like to happen, my sexual history is going to be up for judgement and there’s nothing I can do about it but accept it, and I realize that. I had self-esteem issues in high school and they manifested themselves through my so-called “relationships” with guys, but I’m completely different now.

Is honesty really the best policy?

— Outnumbered

What should Outnumbered do?


  1. Saying that your sexual history is irrelevant is not a correct statement.

    a)you tied your sexual history in with your self esteem issues in high school

    b)you are shoving femissim in your relationship


    The fact that your personaly, self esteem, health, and overall potential for cheating etc is tied to that number, then yea, its pretty relevant.

    “I don’t remember” or “i lost count” is probably the worse answer one could give. Not only does it show its a lot, but it shows you really didn’t care with who or what it was.

    Curious. Why are you getting with a virgin? Are you trying to make yourself feel better? Do you want to emotional hurt him? Are you one of those female sexual predators? Seems like his number is more important to you than your own.

  2. I would just reply with “Did you think I was born with this talent?” I learned to do the magic I do by working with some of the best Magicians! Tell him you were a tramp, tell him how you did the football team in high school…
    And tell him that it was all for him in the end, all training to make him happy…
    Then turn over on your belly, raise that booty high, and let him pound that worn out @ss!
    He’ll forgive you…

  3. Ophelia, that’s exactly what I’m talking about. You felt shameful and humiliated because you repeated your number to a judgemental virgin. A guy like me would pop a boner and ravage you upon hearing your super-high count. I bet you wouldn’t feel so bad if it excited the hell out of your partner, rather than horrifying him.

    As for “degrading” yourself, well… I don’t know what kind of sex you had. Maybe you slept with douchebags who you knew would treat you ill. If you want to file that under “degredation,” fine. But if it was just sexual release with a guy who was decent to you – even for one night – I don’t see why that’s degrading.

    Also, it’s not baggage, and certainly not baggage your boyfriend needs to foist upon his own back. The only reason this is an issue is because he’s making it one.

  4. if you take his feelings and both your lifes into account.

    remember that the train comes in a lot harder when it comes after a life with a lie.
    and living with a lie absolutely leaves its marks.

    If he can’t handle the truth he cant handle you the way you are.
    you would have to live a lie.
    that won’t make you a happy woman.

    Good luck.

  5. Sorry but it is someone’s business (man or woman).Alot of us when buying a car want to know the mileage on the car,how many owners the car has had and if its been wrecked etc.Granted prople aren’t autos but its a very valid concern and inquiry.

    A persons sexual history can tell you alot about them.People who have had alot of different partners can be very impulsive and that can often equate to being irresponsible (this means something to us commitment/relationship minded folks).That speaks to their character.However,the person (man or woman)requesting to know such info should not be a hyporite and better be able to recipricate in kind what they are asking for.

  6. If you think it’s unwise to alert this chap to your sexual history, tell him so. Otherwise, report honestly about it in recognition of the fact that people tend to care deeply about the nature of those they have sexual relations with. Trying to get laid by fraudulently under-reporting your ‘number’ is something only very rotten people seriously consider. Fraud in many other walks of life much less important to people than who they have sex with is a crime. The unsupported claims about ‘rights to know’ and what not from the other posters ignore your prospective mate’s ‘right’ to not have sex with people that have sexual histories as rich as yours may well be. Do the right thing and grant him that right.

  7. No good can come from either asking for the so-called body count, or answering. It isn’t even a matter of whether it’s your partner’s business (it is), or whether any particular number is safe or not (it isn’t).

  8. How many people you have been with sexually is totally irrelevant. Your “body count” doesn’t say anything about you as a responsible person, thus why it is irrelevant. Be vague or coy or honest about your number, you choice but Be honest about sexually-transmittable diseases you have had, or have currently, and your treatment. Be honest and open about your current birth control methods and your cycle. And if the dude flips out, it wasn’t meant to be.

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