10/8/10
Your Call: When Your Partner’s Fantasies Are Seriously Disturbing…

We’ve said before that one’s fantasy life need not be impeded by fears, be limited by ethics, or even abide by the laws of physics. But then we read a comment like the one from icequeenkjd in response to the post “Wise Guys: What Do Men Think About When They Fantasize?” and that whole philosophy comes crumbling down:

I have recently discovered that my boyfriend of 2 years searched out step-dad/step-daughter porn on the internet.  I have two beautiful daughters, one is nine and the other is 13.  I have since moved out and I am completely crushed.  Any thoughts?

What do you think? Did she do the right thing by moving out? Any words of comfort and support you can provide?



26 Comments

  1. I just found out out my husband watched lots of porn lately. He told me he didn’t purposely click on the stepdaughter gets fucked hard in the ass videos. I saw they were most common category. I have a beautiful 13 year old daughter who is affectionate and loving toward my husband (her recent new stepdad). I find it repulsive scary and very troubling. He said he’d never think of her that way. Why would he choose these videos? I was out of town traveling with my son (he also watched stepson fucks stepdaughter videos) and one or two nights out if 3.5 weeks my daughter stayed with my husband because her dad my first husband was traveling. To imagine he masturbated to porno about fucking stepdaughter while she was sleeping is very concerning. He is telling me oh it’s nothing just stupid you can’t choose them they are popular just dumb shit. I know you have to click on them to watch them.
    How worried should I be?
    He is blaming all the porno usage on me not paying attention to him. He is also stupid enough to not clear his history. He said he won’t watch it anymore but I see a history of almost every day past few months.
    Should I be concerned? Should I tell her real father so we can protect her from this pervert? Is it normal for men with stepdaughters to watch porno of fucking stepdaughter? I know I could not ever be turned on by that type of fantasy it’s repulsive to consider. I’m worried and scared.

    1. There’s a whole lot of videos like that, they’re kind of hard to miss. Very few of them are actually roleplaying an (adult) step family relationship at all, the vast majority of them are just normal porn videos renamed with a title like “stepdaughter fucked by stepdad”.

      There are some people who are aroused by the pseudo-incest idea, and they will watch pretty much any porno and imagine the whole thing themselves given a suggestive title. No one else cares about the titles, so they just rename them.

      But there are some actual roleplay videos of adults acting out a parent-stepchild or step-sibling sexual encounter. There is no evidence that this kind of fantasy in porn acting leads viewers to mimic it in real life, either.

  2. In my opinion it has to be in context… did you notice him behaving inappropriately toward anyone..has he ever done anything to make you believe he was grooming or lusting or even looking at them in a sexual way.. if the answer is no to all these then I think your another person caught up in this everyone’s a paedophile potential mentality.. a potential rapist mentality..there’s so many different forms of porn role play porn.. so he looked for some.. but if you think young men everywhere aren’t fantasising or soon will be when they develop your being naive..maybe he was feeling a bit of conflict if one was getting older.. she will soon or maybe already is learning to flirt etc.. the oldest.. I admit as a father he should have known better then to look at such being in that position. But in truth as far as you’ve put he’s done nothing wrong except perhaps bring out your worst fears… if it was child porn then yes you did..if it was role play porn away from your daughters then you should have spoke to him about it. That’s my opinion

  3. U most definitely did the right thing by leaving . There is no reason that he needed to look at step dad/step daughter porn. It is sick & horrifying. I know exactly how u feel I had found step daughter/ step father porn on my husbands pc once after my daughter turned 18 (he raised her from a baby& 2nd time this past year. Also he watched omg I f’d my daughters BFF the same time of the step daughter porn this past year& the same time my daughters BFf stayed over with us& her friend saw him watching it in the middle of the night when she used our bathroom. He’s been into very disturbing porn a long time. Years ago he even had a pic of a young nude girl that title said omg she’s only 14. It took him a few seconds then he said oh it didn’t say that where I downloaded it but the point is why did he keep it?? He’s been into teen porn, rape porn & he does sexual harassment for his company in the army. I don’t think he should be . He never apologized but kept saying porn titles don’t matter. We’ve barely had much sex our whole marriage because he was taking care of himself. He’s been using a movie site outside of the USA for free& who knows if girls are underage or what. There’s sex trafficking involved & underage in many porn movies ppl have no clue. i don’t care if ppl want to watch porn but a line has to be drawn when it comes to going over the boundaries of normal porn.it messes with your brain & warps it. Some ppl get into disturbing porn that at one time they would never have as their addiction increases. Some have even went as far as rape women because the porn wasn’t satisfying enough. Sad but true. I do love my husband & pray everyday for him because I know he’s been battling hurts& pains a long time. God bless

  4. I’m sorry that your man had to be such a loser. You totally did the right thing. Well done for being strong and not sweeping it under the carpet. So many people ignore warning signs and complain too late when damage is done.
    I know friends and relatives abused by their dads, uncles and grand fathers.
    Looking at this online is one sick thing and I wouldn’t chance my children’s safety for any mans mistakes. You are their protector so protect at all costs.

  5. This chick overreacted. Like other people said, if he watches slasher films it doesn’t make him a killer. Sexual fantasies are generally things people just think about or role play, but they don’t REALLY want to do them. My fiancé and I are into all sorts of things but they stay between us. We would never do them with anyone else. And I have a child, but I trust him. Not every kinky man is a perv. Just like not every woman who fantasizes about being raped is a slut.

    Most Mommy/Daddy fantasies are just about being loved and nurtered. Most incest fantasies are just about the taboo. The same with Teacher/Priest/Cop/etc. Rape/gangbang/bondage fantasies are about being helpless. Nothing’s hotter for a woman than being helpless and struggl ing while some unknown man ravages you 😉

  6. What if she discovered that her partner was into watching violent films for (gasp!) entertainment. War films? Crime dramas? Murder mystery? Would she be worried that her partners was a murderer?

  7. I agree with Johnny on this. Talk was necessary. Surfing can bring you to all kinds of weird websites, without even intending to go there.

    Abuse of children is horrible and reprehensible, and never acceptable, step children or biological or neighbors or strangers. There is no argument about this.

    The thing is: 1) She MOVED OUT after only seeing something on an internet history? Really? No discussion. Did she suspect something before? Was she waiting for “something” to happen? If so, she was putting her child in danger, and THAT is an issue she should have dealt with earlier.

    2) Who the f^%$ doesn’t clear their history after looking at porn? I know of no one with even a modicum of internet knowledge. If he knows how to surf the net, he knows how to clear the history. My guess is (If this is true, which I doubt) he either accidentally surfed into it, or he knew she had issues, knew she spied on him, and put something in the history so he wouldn’t have to end a relationship he no longer had any interest in.

    It could be the guy was a child molesting pervert, but as the child’s MOTHER, she didn’t see any clues about that before or after letting this man move in with her and her child? C’mon. IF he is a person who harms children, there would be MUCH more evidence than a single listing to a suspect site on his internet history.

    AND, what was she doing looking through his history anyway?

    If she at all thought he was going to harm her daughter BEFORE the websnooping session, THAT should have been the deciding factor. Was she clueless to his behavior, or was she jumping the gun? We don’t have enough evidence to make a good judgment.

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