Your Call: Why Did My Wife Tell a Mean Joke About My Penis?

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call by leaving your advice in the comments section below. 


I’m a man in my early 50’s. I have been married to my third wife now for three years. Life was great till just the other day when her mom accidently had her boob get closed in a car trunk. Later we were joking about it and my wife suggested I go close my penis in the trunk — that maybe it would make it bigger. We argued a little about it and she apologized, but the next day I got to thinking that maybe I am not big enough for her, and she’s been lying to me for the past three years. Now I don’t want to have sex with her because of that. What say you?

— Ouch

What do you think of Mrs. Ouch? Was she just making a stupid joke — or is the truth always spoken in jest? And either way, how should he feel about it? Leave your feedback in the comments below. 


  1. I dated an incredibly small guy for three years. In that time, I never made a joke about his size, nor did I trash talk his penis to my friends. Now did i ever think for a minute, gee, inwish he were bigger..l You know why? The guy gave mind blowing head. He was quite talened with his fingers as well. And he never rushed into sex.

    Withholding sex is only gonna make you look insecure and pathetic. If you are concerned about your penis size, then why not be proactive and brush up on your oral skills. No woman cares about size, honestly, as long as she’s getting the foreplay that she needs. Read the book, “she comes first”!!!!

  2. personally i never say those b/c i am with men that are above avg so that never crosses my mind. if she said it then he is smaller then what she has had in the past. she gave up the size for other things and probably misses it. what she needs to do is to get as tight as the trunk does when it closes so it will feel as big as her loose open trunk needs to be filled…in my opinion. when i was with avg joes..i had to so i would feel pleasure…try not to talk during oral honey…might echo

  3. Maybe you should just ask her if she was serious or not? If she was, there are plenty of other ways for you to go about keeping her happy in bed. Look at is as a conversation that could enhance your marriage, rather than end it. Erm, as you have a propensity to do. Not to be judgey or anything.

  4. Excuse me but what is so frackin’ funny about her mom getting her breast slammed in a car trunk? Dude is on wife number three for a reason. Women’s bodies have been the target of jokes and subject to waxing, plucking and alterations to keep men happy. Grow a stiffer upper lip and stop whining about your precious stiffy.

  5. women use d__k size fodder to slam men…ive had one declare to me in an argument in the workplace that i had a small dik just because they lost an argument.If i said the same about her vj or whatever id be facing termination from my job and a harrasment suit–go figure.The Penis is OFF LIMITS end of story

  6. Well, let’s say for the sake of argument that she’d prefer he had a bigger penis. Is that a dealbreaker? Is it worth throwing an otherwise good marriage away over? I would say, continue working on your sex life, as we all should be at all times, be responsive to your partner’s needs, enjoy each other.

    Who among us is the perfect sex partner? Frankly, if you’re in your 50’s, you probably have physical imperfections at least as important as a small penis. I bet you’re not as strong or fit or generally attractive as you once were. I’m sure your wife has insecurities about her body, and misses her younger body as well. If you’re married, you have probably had days when one of you felt like it and the other didn’t. You’ve probably had things go embarrassingly wrong a few times. Life is not porn. We enjoy what we have, and in the long run it’s better because of the emotional connection we have to our partners.

  7. Short dick jokes are the most cliche instult ever leveled at a guy. You will NEVER find a guy who’s never had anyone make a short joke at their expense.

    You’ll have to judge by her tone and the WAY she said the joke. Was it the same tone she uses when the two of you banter and tease eachother, or the tone of voice when she’s calling you out on something during a fight?

    In the end, to know for sure, ask her. Let her know that you are concerned, and want an honest answer.

    Also remember, It’s not about how big or small you are. It’s about having the right fit.

  8. She shouldn’t have made that joke. Like Tom said, penis size is the equivalent of female weight – off limits for humor.

    That said, I think it’s time to let it go. It was probably just intended as a wise-crack. Haven’t you ever had a woman do this to you? Never let you live down some dumb comment you made? Come on, man. Don’t be a butthurt chick over this.

  9. I think most of it was covered in the comment above. It’s possible you are an outstanding communicator but regularly pick women who have incompatible levels of sensitivity. It’s entirely possible, if we’re getting the entirety of the conversation, that you’re being too sensitive. But dong size sensitivity is the male version of women being weight-sensitive and sometimes, despite being a reasonable person, we react irrationally to innocent comments and innocuous jokes about it.
    It’s probably a really good idea for you to really go at it with hats off the next time y’all have sex. Prove ’em wrong, broseph.
    Previous commenter got one thing completely right: the world orbits the sun based on my penis size.

  10. I think you’re being too sensitive, and to not want to have sex with a woman because of ONE joke in THREE years is maybe indicative of a deeper problem than one presented in this post. You were joking about her mom’s boob being shut in a trunk? Did it center around the boob swelling up, and then turn into jokes about how to increase breast size? If that’s the case, you hit on the sensitive topic first. You’ve had three wives. I’m thinking your communication skills might not be that fantastic. Just calm down, think about everything in context, and for God’s sake. If your wife wants to have sex with you, SHE WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU. The world does not orbit the sun on the basis of your penis size.

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