All posts by Em & Lo

And the Winner of Our #KegelizeAMovie Contest Is…


@cd_clifford! Congratulations, you are now the proud owner of a brand new LUNA Smart Bead™ from LELO! Longer, stronger, easier-to-come-by orgasms are now within your (or your partner’s) reach, thanks to your acumen at Kegelizing movie titles.

It was a very close race between Christen Clifford and Chris Perkins, but Christen’s strong showing (“The Kabinet of Dr. Kegel”, the Die Hard series, etc) along with the originality with some of her entries (“The Vag Strikes Back,” “Saving Privates, Ryan” and “The Kegelcizer: Revenge of the Retrocele”) pushed her over the edge. But because we loved Chris’s entries too (especially “Dr. Strangelove”), we’ll be sending him a copy of our book, 150 Shades of Play. (And that wasn’t even part of the official rules!). See, people really do win on EMandLO.com.

Below are all the entries — our favorites in bold!

Christen Clifford @cd_clifford

  • The Vagina Redemption
  • The Vag Strikes Back
  • Grand Kegelusion
  • The Kabinet of Dr Kegel
  • Some Like It Tight (Ewwww, I know, but I had to. Sorry.)
  • Raging Kegel
  • Saving Privates, Ryan
  • Casakegel
  • Butch Cassidy & the Kegeling Kid
  • Salaam Kegel!
  • King Kegel! Kegel Kong! That’s it: Kegel Kong.
  • On a roll here – just throwin em all out, maybe one will be funny: Kegel Hard, Kegel Harder, Kegel Hardest…
  • The Kegelcizer: Revenge of the Rectocele

 
Chris Perkins ‏@cepx01 

  • Dr Strangelove: Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Kegels
  • Close Encounters of the Kegel Kind
  • The Magnificent Kegels
  • To Kegels, With Love
  • Monty Python and the Holy Kegels
  • Night of the Living Kegels
  • All The President’s Kegels
  • A Fist Full of Kegels
  • The Wizard of Kegels
  • Saving Private Kegels
  • The Kegel Redemption
  • Interview With a Kegel
  • Must Love Kegels

David Windmuller @DavidWindmuller

  • Kegels, Thongs and Perfect Snogging
  • Heavenly Kegels
  • Divine Secrets of the Kegel Sisterhood
  • Kegeler on the Roof
  • Kegels n the Hood (clitoral?!)
  • Do the Kegel Thing
  • Kegel to the Future
  • Kegel Hard
  • Kegels on a Train
  • She’s Gotta Have Kegels
  • Kegeling to Exhale
  • It Happened One Kegel
  • Das Kegel


Frances Frame ‏@frandianne

  • No Kegel for Old Men
  • A Beautiful Kegel
  • Kegel Impossible
  • Raiders of the Lost Kegel
  • Kegel Club
  • The Good, the Bad, and the Kegels
  • The Man in the Iron Kegel
  • 2001: A Kegel Odyssey
  • It’s a Wonderful Kegel
  • The Mighty Kegels
  • Lord of the Kegels: Fellowship of the Kegel
  • To Kegel A Mockingbird
  • The Red Kegel of Courage
  • Kegels at Tiffany’s
  • The Kegels of Wrath
  • Buffy the Vampire Kegeler
  • Kegeling in Seattle

 

Dave Wolgast ‏@DaveRef 

  • Sixteen Kegels
  • The Kegel Club
  • Field of Kegels
  • The Perfect Kegel
  • Inglorious Kegels
  • No Kegels for Old Men

For those of you who didn’t win/enter, you can still get yourself or someone you love a beautiful new LUNA Smart Bead™ in time for the holidays. Check out this stylish (and very relaxing) video below and LELO’s nice dedicated website for more info on the LUNA Smart Bead™:

 

Dear Em & Lo: In Defense of Cheating on My Husband

Dear Em & Lo,

I’ve read your books and love your website, but I notice you are against any infidelity and look down on those who have affairs, but you’re okay with swinging and group sex and anal sex probes and bisexuals and all kinds of things that normal folks (who occasionally stray) find disgusting. I guess my point is, how can you judge like that?  You judge cheaters but support skank!  You know your sex drive better than I do, obviously, but let’s say your husband could no longer perform in bed due to E.D.  You don’t honestly expect me to believe you would go without sex or rely on a sex toy for the rest of your life, do you?  I think that’s B.S.

What I’d like you both to know is that we’re not bad people.  We’re your softball coaches and school teachers.  I feed my neighbor’s son peanut butter and jelly on a Tuesday afternoon and have sex with her husband on Thursday night because she hasn’t let him touch her since she had the baby — THREE YEARS AGO!  We’re not trailer trash from the Jerry Springer show. We’re real people, ignored by our spouses.  We’re not evil. Give us a break, okay? After all, it’s not like you two are devout Church-going types either, ya know? You preach about free, uncommitted sex with both the opposite sex and the same sex (as long as a condom is involved) and hey, that’s fine.  Just don’t judge the rest of us. There are reasons for the things we do.  We don’t spread disease through our little suburban neighborhoods or anything like that.

— Straying Dog

Dear S.D.,

Here’s what we do judge:

  1. Lying to your husband (except when he asks if his penis is too small).
  2. Lying to your neighbor (except when she asks if her new haircut makes her look like Blossom).
  3. Lying to anyone, for that matter. And yes, faking orgasms is lying.
  4. Sex without barrier protection (i.e. condoms) — unless you’re committed to one another, have been tested together, have agreed to incur the risks of forgoing barrier protection, and are using another form of birth control (unless of course you’re both trying to get pregnant together).
  5. Sexism.
  6. Homophobia.
  7. Anti-choice people who want to take away our reproductive rights, comprehensive sex education, and access to birth control.
  8. Um, we can’t think of much else that we do judge. Pleated khakis on men, maybe?

And here’s what we don’t judge (as long as it’s done safely and consensually, of course):

  1. Homosexuality.
  2. Bisexuality.
  3. Swinging.
  4. Group sex.
  5. Open relationships.
  6. Casual safe sex (so long as both parties understand and accept its casual nature).
  7. Anal play.
  8. Sex toys, including anal sex probes.
  9. Kink.
  10. Roleplaying.
  11. Spanking.
  12. Bondage.
  13. Booty calls.
  14. Dirty talk.
  15. Phone sex.
  16. Text sex.
  17. Pony play (okay, sometimes we judge pony play…hey, we’re only human).
  18. Strap-on sex.
  19. Celibacy.
  20. Solo sex.
  21. Latex.
  22. Watersports.
  23. Legal prostitution.

Need we go on? We didn’t think so. You’re right — you totally nailed us. So long as sex is consensual, legal, honest, and fully condom-ed, we probably wouldn’t judge it. But if you’re married and sleeping with your neighbor’s husband and the respective spouses don’t know about it or don’t condone it — then hells yes, we judge you! You think anal probes are skank? Well, we think that cheating on your husband — and not only that, but doing it with someone else’s husband, to boot — is 100% pure skank.

We know we sound naive when we say this. We know we’re idealists. And we admit we have no idea what it’s like to want to stay in a crumbling marriage for the kids (or for the mortgage). We have no idea what it’s like to be ignored in a marriage — or in the bedroom. And we have no idea what it’s like to be married to an inoperative penis.

We can think of only a few very special circumstances where unsanctioned cheating might be justifiable, or at least understandable: For example, a husband suffers from E.D. and it threatens his masculinity to the point where he just completely shuts off from anything sexual and doesn’t deal with it at all it in order to keep it together psychologically, while his wife, who loves him and wants to be with him and doesn’t want to break his heart, decides to get a little no-emotional-strings-attached-sex on the side to satisfy her needs. Maybe we could understand that.

Or maybe not. We’re inclined to believe that in the majority of cases of cheating, there’s a lot of rationalizing that’s done on the part of the cheater for two major reasons. First, because it allows people the opportunity for drama and excitement in their lives (doing the new & novel thing, doing the forbidden thing, the taboo thing, the wrong thing always does). But that drama and excitement comes at the expense of the trust and feelings and dignity of the people they made a promise to, the people they’re supposed to truly love: their spouses. Second, it’s simply the easier way out.

Sure, it sucks if your husband gets E.D., but isn’t that the whole point of “in sickness and in health”? Also, who said that sex has to be all about intercourse? Last we heard, cunnilingus didn’t involve the penis. Same goes for handwork…and sex toys. The same goes for most of the stuff in our don’t-judge list, too. We’re sorry, but we just don’t think that faulty mechanics void your marriage vows (assuming, of course, that your marriage vows included sexual fidelity).

And sure, it sucks if your husband or wife ignores you, but since when did cheating solve that? Last we heard, good old-fashioned communication was a much better tool to fix that kind of problem. Or marriage counseling. Or divorce.

If your partner just plain doesn’t want sex anymore and you do — and you’ve tried everything you can possibly think of to remedy the situation, including reading all our books and seeing a sex or marriage therapist together — then ask their permission to have an affair. (Yep, that’s right, if they give their permission, it’s not skanky — it’s just good, clean fun.) If your partner says no, then you have two options: (1) Leave them. (2) Suck it up and deal with a sexless marriage (and learn to appreciate the art of masturbation). And those are your only two options. If sex is soooooooooo important to you that you think it justifies cheating, then it should be important enough to you to get a divorce. And if your marriage is soooooooooo important to you that you can’t possibly consider a divorce, then guess what? You’re going to have to sacrifice the sex part.

If you choose option one and leave your partner OR you get permission for extra-curricular nookie from your partner, do not, under any circumstances, have an affair with someone else’s spouse (especially not your friends’ and neighbors’ spouses!). We’re all in this monogamy biz together, and it’s our civic responsibility to keep each other honest and faithful. We don’t care if you’re not spreading STDs (though you can never be 100% sure about that if people are sleeping around) — you’re still spreading lying, disrespect, and some seriously bad karma.

We know that a sanctioned affair isn’t really the “done” thing yet. But you know what? It should be! Slowly, more and more people are catching on. And we’re going to keep on preaching our honesty message until the rest of you cheaters get on board.

And that’s the gospel according to Em & Lo.

From our high horse,

Em & Lo

MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com:

Confession: A Cab Driver Found My G-Spot & Spoiled Me for All Boyfriends


by Dori Hartley for YourTango  |  photo via flickr

The year was 1985. I was walking on Third Avenue in New York City, probably going to the store for no good reason. It was a gorgeous day. On the corner, a cab stopped at the light. The car was free and the driver smiled at me as I passed in front of his vehicle. I couldn’t help but notice how drop-dead gorgeous he was: exceptionally handsome face, long, raven-black hair. I was immediately attracted to him. I raised my hand to hail him down, and he pulled to the curb to let me in. I sat in the front seat. The sexual magnetism between us was break-the-Richter-scale material. I wasn’t there to be his fare and he wasn’t there to be my driver.

Bear in mind, this was the ’80s. Right before things like AIDS and safe sex became part of life as we now know it — the idea of casual sex and instant sexual gratification were not only considered normal, but appropriate for the times. It was cool to have sex with anyone you wanted back then and we did it freely, happily and without conscience. While the ’60s may have been the era that ushered in the concept of free sex, it wasn’t until the ’80s that we really got our freak on. As soon as HIV hit the scene, we all knew that the game had changed forever. As it grew into an epidemic, our days of unsafe sex slowed to halt — for those of us who were using our brains, anyway. I’m just saying that back then — as stupid and reckless as we truly were — we had a damned good time of it.

So there I was, in a stranger’s taxi on a beautiful day. Turns out that the driver — whom I will call Nile — was hilarious. Not only adorable, but a comic genius. His sense of humor was so off the chain that I just decided to drive around with him all day long. We picked up passengers and drove them everywhere. And, as the day got on, we decided to go to a motel — and I mean a real, vile, disgusting ‘one-hour’ motel somewhere in Queens.

I’d never done anything like that in my life, but I was unafraid and willing to take a chance. Sure, these days, the thought of such a thing is enough to give you five heart attacks in a row, but back then, we were all fearless. And I was absolutely fearless, and in some odd primal way, it paid off.

I’d never been with a guy who was mainly interested in pleasing me. In fact, every guy I’d ever been with had turned out to be an “I get off, you don’t, and then I fall asleep” type of lover. Why I ever went back for more was always a mystery to me, because my experience until that point had shown me that guys enjoy sex to get off, and they don’t really care about the woman’s orgasm. Anyway, all that changed with Nile.

Nile had no qualms whatsoever about going down on me, right there, first thing. I don’t even think I took my clothes off. I don’t even think he took his clothes off either. All I know was that by the time we reached the bed, he was nose-deep in my stuff. And let me tell you: it was a calling for him. This was no regular ol’ guy; this was The Cunnilingus King. There was no one higher than Nile when it came to this specialty. He set the gold standard for goin’ down. If an award could be given for this act, then Nile would be able to fill mansions with hard-earned trophies. I went from a slightly inhibited free spirit to a screeching sex banshee in a matter of a few wondrous, slowly paced minutes.

In fact, I’m fairly sure that this was what he needed to be doing with his life. After being with Nile several times, I really believed that every woman on Earth would benefit from a night with this incredible lover. No woman should be denied a night with Nile. It was just how I felt. And if every single heterosexual man could just study this guy in action, the world — all of it — would be a happier place to live.

And, to boot, he really didn’t care about much else in the sex department. Oh sure, he liked to be pleasured as well, and the act of coitus was just as lovely to him as anything else. But nothing brought out the best in this guy like bringing a woman to a full throttle, massive overhaul orgasm with the simple use of his tongue and his fingers.

I stayed with Nile for almost five years. The funny thing was, we really couldn’t stand each other after a while. We were in love, but not so much. We fought all the time, but I’m pretty sure that was all so we’d have a good excuse to get to the make-up sex, which was all about — you guessed it! — pleasing me. Phew, the things I did to keep the peace.

After Nile I and eventually broke up, my capacity for having earth-shattering orgasms had grown to such a height that no man alive could ever come close. He had set the bar too high, and no one ever did come close. I tried to analyze just what Nile was doing that made him so much better than everyone else, and I found it: He had discovered my g-spot with his fingers, up in there, while doing the licky thing on my super erogenous zones.

The g-spot that I never thought existed, that I laughed at when I heard other women speak of. It existed and all those Hallelujah sessions were made possible because of it. I just didn’t know it at the time. Nile was a g-spot master.

I’d always been under the impression that the g-spot could only be accessed through intercourse. Post-Nile, I put two and two together and realized, “Ah, so that’s what he was doing with his fingers all that time!” He would push, from the inside, towards his mouth, which was working at some kind of rate that only angels can achieve, and the feeling of receiving both clitoral and g-spot stimulation at the same time — well, you’d stick around for five years too!

I’ve tried to tell other guys to do what Nile did, but they just insist on doing it their way. They don’t get the hint. And it’s so simple too.

Guys, do you want to please your lady in the bed? Here’s how: two fingers on the inside, an eager tongue on the outside and most of all, a real desire to revel in her orgasm — because she will give it to you. Again and again and again.

More from YourTango:

This article originally appeared on YourTango: How a Cab Driver Found My G-Spot and Gave Me the Best Sex Ever

Last Chance to Enter Our #KegelizeAMovie Contest!

*THIS CONTEST IS NOW CLOSED.*

You only have until EOD Thursday, November 6th at 11:59 EST to enter our awesome  #KegelizeAMovie Contest and get the chance to win a new Luna Smart Bead from LELO!

There’s a lot of great entries so far, but they’re only by a handful of entrants, so your odds are still EXCELLENT! Here’s how to play:

Tweet a movie title on Twitter.com and replace one key word with “Kegel,” so that it conveys the importance of pelvic health. Don’t forget to include these three things in your Tweet:

  1. the hashtag #kegelizeamovie
  2. @emandlo
  3. @Lelo_Official

Feel free to submit your entries in the comments below also, though only Tweets that follow the guidelines above will be entered to win. Enter as many times as you like, though each entry should be a different kegelized movie title (NOT the same one over and over). You must be 18 or older to enter. And do NOT create multiple Twitter accounts to enter.

We’ll pick one MVP winner (“MVP” being defined at our discretion) and announce the winning Tweet here on EMandLO.com as well as on Twitter on Friday, the 7th. If that winner does not claim their prize by replying to our private message within a week, a new winner will be chosen.

Good luck! And may the best movie Kegelizer win a Luna Smart Bead!

What Catcalling Would Look Like If We Used It at the Office

This week, EMandLO.com all-star commenter Johnny made an excellent point by comparing catcalling to other kinds of human communication — say, attempting to get hired at a new company:

I had a lengthy argument about catcalling on a pickup website. Their stance was, “Feminism continues to demonize male sexuality, and saying ‘hey beautiful’ isn’t harassment.” My stance was, “Don’t defend these idiots. They’re bothering strangers on the street in ways ranging from douchey to scary.”

I’m all for trying to get laid any time, anywhere. I’m not saying don’t try to pick women up in public. I’m saying, GENUINELY try to meet women in public. I’ve never, ever seen a woman respond to, “HEY BEAUTIFUL, WHERE YOU GOING, I’M TRYING TO TALK TO YOU!” Guys are doing that to stoke their own egos (to feel like they’re “in the game”), to impress each other, because they get a giggle out of watching the woman scurry away… it’s never gonna work and they know it. The woman is basically the butt of a joke. I find it really fucking rude.

I’d never demonize male sexuality – she’s a woman and you’re a man. You’re literally built to want to fuck each other. Get in there and take a shot! You’re allowed to try to get laid. Nothing wrong with having a boner for a girl. But treat her like a person, for chrissake. Try to attract her, not repel her.

Would you do that if you were trying to meet anyone else?

“HEY BOSS, WHAT’S THAT, A FORTUNE FIVE HUNDRED COMPANY? C’MERE AND HIRE ME MAN, I GOT A LENGTHY RESUME! WHERE YOU GOING, CORPORATE, I’M TALKING TO YOU! I’M JUST SAYING YOU LOOK GOOD IN THAT SUIT! WHAT ARE YOU, TOO STUCK UP TO TAKE A COMPLIMENT? FINE, FUCK YOU, YOUR COMPANY SUCKS ANYWAY!”

MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com

The Real Reason Why Guys Love Blowjobs So Much

photo via flickr

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: What’s the big deal about blowjobs — seriously, what makes them so special?

Gay Single Guy (Daniel): On the physical level, it’s simple: they feel fucking amazing. They provide physical sensations so desirable that a straight man would let a queer guy suck him off, either for the right amount of money or with the lights out. It’s that real. But aside from that, I recently asked some straight female friends whether or not they actually enjoy giving head, or do they really just do it because they know the guy will like it. Unanimously they said the latter, and that’s why blowjobs are indeed quite special. For many women (and certainly not all), blowjobs aren’t about the immediate satisfaction of their physical wants, but rather, the pleasure gained from satisfying someone else’s desires. There is an element of selflessness. A woman might even think giving blowjobs is downright nasty, but might continue to blow her man because she gets off on getting her man off. Some guys know this and thus know just how lucky they are for getting one.

Straight Single Guy (Mark): My first reaction is an overwhelming, “What isn’t the big deal about blowjobs?!”  But there’s more than just the primal, physical, when-they’re-good-they’re-freaking-amazing aspect. Of course there’s the stereotype that the appeal of BJs is about some sort of control or domination/submissiveness, but I think there are deeper factors involved, like trust and acceptance, that truly make them so great. Oral sex — in both directions, by the way — can in many ways be even more intimate than the regular ol’ in-n-out.

We don’t always acknowledge the more emotional aspects of oral, but — even if partly subconsciously — those elements probably get closer to the heart of what makes this expression of affection so special.  To be face-to-face and naughty-bits-to-naughty-bits is one thing.  But for your partner to be so into you that s/he would go downtown and get up-close-and-personal to provide pleasure exclusively to you (okay, there are those of us who derive almost as much from giving as receiving, but that’s another story)…well, I think that’s a pretty gosh darn “big deal”!

Straight Married Guy (Figleaf): Blowjobs used to be really, really stigmatized and therefore really, really rare. Even for couples in long-term relationships.  In a few states in the U.S. it might still legally be sodomy, even for heterosexuals, and in the past it’s been strongly associated with “latent” homosexuality, porn, and prostitution — and strongly not associated with “good girls.”  Something else contributing to the stigma:  blowjobs break the gender rule that sex is something for men to do and women receive. And all those insults with the word “suck” in them?  Some of those used to be taken deadly seriously.

Nowadays, not so much. But add up the little bits of historical taboo, the little bit of gender-bending for both men and women, and the fact that blowjobs feel very good and… well, that’s enough to make them seem pretty special.  Which, incidentally, I think they ought to be.  Special. Instead of, oh, say, obligatory.  Not least because when they start feeling obligatory, men’s partners start wondering, well, what makes them so special?

MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com:

Vote Today!

No excuses! On this day — today, Election Day, Tuesday, November 4th, 2014 — you’ve got to get out and vote to, among other things, protect women’s rights, including access to birth control, safe abortions, good sex ed, and equal pay for equal work. Even if it doesn’t seem like there’s any difference between Republicans and Democrats these days, there is — Democrats act in favor of the issues we’ve mentioned above, Republicans don’t. So when in doubt, go Dem!

Planned Parenthood has a great Voter Guide: You just enter the zip code you vote in, and PP gives you the state and federal candidates they endorse. Enter your full address and they’ll even give you your polling place!

Feminist Campus and Feminist Majority Foundation have a state-by-state list of all the sketchy ballot measures to watch out for today.

So if you haven’t already, find out where to vote, make a plan to get there or go right now! Help ensure we move forward, not backwards, when it comes to reproductive freedoms and women’s rights.

MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com:

Your Weekly Horoscopes: 11-03-14

grandcentral_ceiling_421photo by Simply Schmoopie

Each week, we at EMandLO.com predict the course of your love life for the week with our own version of irreverent horoscopes — ignore our advice at your own peril. (Hyperbole intended for dramatic effect.)

aries (Mar. 21st-Apr. 20th)
We’re assuming the stars are talking about love, but this may apply to a friendship or a business relationship for all we know: Don’t turn your back on someone who has been loyal to you for years. Shame on you for even considering it! Think of everything they’ve ever done for you. Sure, they may be completely annoying in their own special way, but that’s part of their charm. Don’t walk away from them, not if you want us to talk to you again.

taurus (Apr. 21st-May 20th)
Anger and resentment will follow if someone becomes too clingy too fast. Just be sure you’re not mistaking true love for clingy-ness, because someday people will stop clinging and then you’ll die all alone.

gemini (May 21st-June 21st)
You are likely to run out of steam when you need it the most this week. Pace yourself, drink lots of water, and think about baseball.

cancer (June 22nd-July 22nd)
Just because you’re in a good mood, that doesn’t mean everyone else you pass should “smile — it can’t be that bad!” Just because you’re in a bad mood, doesn’t mean you have to poo poo everyone else’s good time. Just because you think it’s a brilliant idea, that won’t mean your colleagues will too. Just because you want to do it, doesn’t automatically mean your partner wants to stop watching TV. Just because your dog wags its tail when you do that thing, that doesn’t make it right, you sick, sick bastard.

leo (July 23rd-Aug. 22nd)
The more passionate you are about something that you are involved in, the more likely you are to meet someone who is attracted to you, as well as everything you believe in and stand for. Are you really interested in being a married Evangelical pastor, or did you sign up just because it seemed like the thing to do? Find a cause you actually care about, one you can get behind with gusto, like Free Beer Fridays or Gimps Are People Too. Besides, that rumor you heard about pastors getting a free pass on gay sex with prostitutes is not true. Total urban legend, man.

virgo (Aug. 23rd-Sept. 22nd)
If your mind’s in the gutter but your ass is on the La-Z-Boy, chances are the only person you’re goind to be talking dirty to is your teddy bear. If you’re looking for a more interactive experience, as it were, you’re going to have to get out of the house every once in a while. Though, if your dirty talking skills are a little rusty, practicing on your teddy bear is not the worst idea in the world. But if you do any more than talk, we don’t want to know about it.

libra (Sept. 23rd-Oct. 23rd)
Don’t believe the lies of the person trying to seduce you right now!

scorpio (Oct. 24th-Nov. 22nd)
Scorpio, let’s work on our indoor voice, shall we? This whole social butterfly thing you’ve got going works fine in the bar (or on line at the DMV), but in one-on-one situations, it’s a little much. Tone it down a tad once you hit the bedroom, lest you scare away the hotties (or piss off their neighbors).

sagittarius (Nov. 23rd-Dec. 21st)
Go to bed without brushing your teeth for once. Hit the snooze button a third time. Leave on the conditioner for a minute longer than the bottle tells you to. You know: go nuts. Most of all, let your heart rule your head. Remember, it doesn’t have to “make sense,” it just has to be legal and consensual. If anyone questions your state of mind, just tell them that if loving this way is wrong, you don’t want to be right.

capricorn (Dec. 22nd-Jan. 20th)
Being needy will be a problem. If you try too hard you will end up with someone who will take advantage of you. You are probably better off spending time alone with a good book. Like the fabulous book, 150 Shades of Play: A Beginner’s Guide to Kink. Have you heard of it? It’ll help kill the time until you finally find someone cool to knock boots with.

aquarius (Jan. 21st-Feb. 18th)
It’s time to turn on the charm and make a splash — or, as we like to call it, pulling a Hilary Rodham Clinton. You’re your own sexual agent, and sometimes that means rolling up your sleeves and doing a little self-promotion. Stop short of an “Am I Hot or What?” press release, but don’t shy away from anything else. Trust us on this one: We know from self-promotion. Once you bite the bullet and start, it’s addictive! (Did we mention we our fabulous book, 150 Shades of Play: A Beginner’s Guide to Kink?)

pisces (Feb. 19th-Mar. 20th)
When you fall for someone, it’s like you become a Jehovah’s Witness: you do everything in your power to convince the object of your affections to see the light and join you on this journey of love. Yet they almost always resist when you come on so strong, practically slamming the door in your face. Don’t put your foot in the door jam — you’ll just end up with a broken toe, maybe even a cop or two responding to the 911 call your beloved made when you wouldn’t back down. The best thing you can do is just quietly walk away. One look at that ass as you leave the front porch, and they’ll be calling you up for salvation before you know it.

MORE FROM EMandLO.com:

Your Call: How Do I Tell Him I Don’t Like His Weight Gain?


photo via IMDB

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader.  

Submit Your Own Question to EMandLO.comTry Our New
*PRIVATE*
Advice Service!

 

Dear Em & Lo,

My husband and I have been together ten years, and over the last few years he has gradually put on about twenty pounds. He jokes about it, but he doesn’t seem to be bothered by the weight gain — he just seems to think it’s normal for a guy his age (44) to get thick around the middle. And it’s true, most of his friends have spread in the same way. But I miss the guy I fell in love with! I’m still in love with him, but I’m not quite as attracted to him as I once was, and I worry what this will do to my sex drive as the years go on.

Can I say anything to him? And if so, what do I say and how do I say it?!

— C(hubby) Chaser

What should C.C. do? Leave your advice in the comments section below.

MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com:

A Guide to Sketchy Ballot Measures

The Ms. Magazine blog created this infographic showing the four states where there are big ballot measures that could severely impact women’s rights. If you live in one of them, educate yourself. Even if you don’t, pass this along to someone who does:

In Colorado: Vote NO on amendment 67 and protect access to abortion and birth control. Learn more about the “personhood” measure and your voting rights here.
In Oregon: Vote YES on measure 89 and enshrine women’s equality in the state constitution. Learn more about Oregon’s Equal Rights Amendment and how to vote here.
In North Dakota: Vote NO on measure 1, which would ban abortion and most birth control by redefining “personhood.” Learn more about the amendment and how to vote here.
In Tennessee: Vote NO on amendment 1—don’t let the state take away women’s right to abortion. Learn more about the constitutional amendment and your voting rights here.

Feminist Campus and Feminist Majority Foundation have a state-by-state list of all the other sketchy ballot measures to watch out for this Tuesday, November 4th.

And Planned Parenthood has a great Voter Guide: You just enter the zip code you vote in, and PP gives you the state and federal candidates they endorse. Enter your full address and they’ll even give you your polling place!

Find out where to vote, make a plan to get there, and then make sure you follow through this Tuesday to help ensure we move forward, not backwards, when it comes to reproductive freedoms and women’s rights.

MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com:

The Halloween Issue


The 10 Sexiest Scary Movies
Horrifying and hot.


The 10 Most Romantic “Monster” Movies
Love can be scary.

How to Have Sex with a Vampire
A top 10 for all you Twilight fans.


Are Halloween Couples’ Costumes Cute or Cloying?
What do you think? Let us know!


Halloween Haiku Contest Winners
please, babe? just the tip? / he thrusts, and…did it break off? /
no more zombie sex


Wise Guys: How Can I Get Him to Dress Up for Halloween?
You’re into the fantasy and fun, he’s a fuddy-duddy.


Halloween Is for Roleplaying
It’s the perfect excuse to become someone else for the night…


Should He Use Halloween to Introduce Her to His Kinky Side?
Your call.


Poll: What Do You Think About Sexy Halloween Costumes?
Tacky or liberating?


How to Really Enjoy National Chocolate Day.
Here are some naughty ways to spend October 28th.


How Not to Kiss Like a Zombie
A step-by-step guide.


Wise Guys: What’s the Best Costume
You’ve Ever Seen a Woman Wear?

Only one out of three votes for the “sexy” route!


My Fiance Bit Me Like a Vampire in My Sleep
And I liked it.


Top 10 Couple’s Costumes for 2013
Heavy on the “Breaking Bad.”


Top 10 “Sexy” Halloween Costume Ideas for Men
Why should women get to have all the “fun”?


Top 15 Worst “Sexy: Halloween Costumes
Sexy Bacon vs. Sexy Elmo: Who wins?

Contest: #KegelizeAMovie

In honor of LELO’s launch of their revolutionary new pleasure object, Luna Smart Bead, we’re holding a Kegel Kontest! Pelvic health is an often overlooked but incredibly important element to sexual satisfaction: strong pelvic area muscles mean better sexual sensation and easier to come by orgasms. But remembering to do your Kegels on the grocery line can be challenging. The Luna Smart Bead is designed to practically do them for you! It offers a custom-made, vibration-guided routine that encourages you to work those muscles — almost involuntarily! — for better sex. (Click here for more info on how awesomely it works.)

So, do you want a Luna Smart Bead for yourself? Of course you do! Here’s how to enter for a chance to win one:

Tweet a movie title on Twitter.com and replace one key word with “Kegel,” so that it conveys the importance of pelvic health. Don’t forget to include these three things in your Tweet:

  1. the hashtag #kegelizeamovie
  2. @emandlo
  3. @Lelo_Official

Examples of Kegelized movies might include “How to Train Your Kegels,” “The Fault in Our Kegels,” and “Citizen Kegel” (these will not be considered if you enter them as your own, duh.)

Feel free to submit your entries in the comments below also, though only Tweets that follow the guidelines above will be entered to win. Enter as many times as you like, though each entry should be a different kegelized movie title (NOT the same one over and over). You must be 18 or older to enter. And do NOT create multiple Twitter accounts to enter.

Deadline is EOD Thursday, November 6th at 11:59 EST. We’ll pick one MVP winner (“MVP” being defined at our discretion) and announce the winning Tweet here on EMandLO.com as well as on Twitter on Friday, the 7th. If that winner does not claim their prize by replying to our private message within a week, a new winner will be chosen.

Good luck! And may the best movie Kegelizer win a Luna Smart Bead!

Dream Interpretation: My Boyfriend Beat Me

 

Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it (18 and older only, please). This week, a reader asks Lauri:

I had a dream that I was in a room trying to hide. I hid in the closet and then under the bed my boyfriend came in and took me from under the bed and started to beat on me. Later the scene changed we were in a parking lot in his car and he had told me he’s back to seeing the mother of his child. Only, it wasn’t the one I knew of, it was a new one. He had gotten someone else pregnant and she was going to have a daughter, but I was pregnant also. In the dream I hadn’t told him I was pregnant, but it was weird because as he was telling me he was looking down at my stomach.

Lauri: Hiding in a dream is a tell tale sign there is something in real life you do not wish others, or someone in particular, to know. Hiding under a bed in a dream means this either an issue that keeps you up at night, or it is an issue that involves intimacy. It could even be thoughts or feelings you are keeping to yourself.

Your boyfriend pulls you out and proceeds to beat you in the dream. I really hope this is solely a dream incident and is not reflective of real life. Because if this happens in real life… GET OUT NOW! If it’s only a dream beat down, then this is more likely connected to you beating yourself up over something in regards to your relationship.

In the dream you also wind up in a parking lot, which means something in your life is stuck or on hold at the moment, no longer progressing forward. It’s probably your relationship. The reference to his baby momma tells us this is an issue for you. Maybe there is jealousy there. Or maybe the dynamics of their relationship is an indicator of what you can expect in your relationship with him. Your subconscious mind brought it up because there is something there you need to pay attention to.

His impregnation of someone else most likely symbolizes that he has started up an interest in something that you may be worrying is taking away from you. Also, you have another reference to hiding something at the end of this dream with not telling him about your pregnancy. It sure seems to me that your dream is trying to show you that things will continue to develop and grow, like a pregnancy, if this hidden issue isn’t worked out. Honesty is always the best policy in a relationship. Work this out, sister, before it gets bigger than it is right now.

 

Visit Lauri’s site, WhatYourDreamMeans.com, for even more dream interpretations! If you want to be able to figure out your own dreams every morning, then check out her latest book, Dream On It: Unlock Your Dreams Change Your Life, which will give you the tools you need to become a dream expert, too. Check out all of Lauri’s books here.

 

 

MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com:

5 STDs You Should Worry About More Than Ebola

photo via flickr

Yes, yes, yes, you should be very concerned about Ebola… if you’ve traveled to Liberia recently. (Or know someone who has.) But you should be very concerned about STDs… if you’ve had sex recently. Especially if you’re not in a long-term, monogamous relationship with someone who would never cheat on you (and, sorry folks, there’s no guarantee of this in life).

We’re going to go out on a limb here and say that a lot more of you have had sex than have been to Liberia. Yes? In which case, below are five infectious diseases you should focus on instead. Because more than half of all of us will get at least one STD at some point in our lives, and if you’re wanting to learn more about STD’s for the purpose of education for yourself or others, perhaps head on over to websites like Lovegasm and similar alternatives that have in-depth information into the different diseases and infections.

So remember: Practice safer sex, and get tested regularly, by your doctor, or at your local Planned Parenthood Health Center. Oh, and get a flu shot, too! Because that’s one thing that’s definitely more likely to kill Americans than Ebola this year.

1. Human Papillomavirus (HPV)
HPV is massively “popular” in this country (you probably have it, actually), and it’s a tricky little STD: it takes a second to contract, but a lifetime to understand. So check out the easy-to-digest video we made that tells you everything you need to know about HPV. And browse all our posts on HPV here.

2. Herpes
Got herpes? You might. More than one in five Americans is infected and less than a third of them know it. This is in part because it is so easily spread, even when there are no visible symptoms. Yowza! Browse all of our posts on herpes here to learn more.

3. HIV & AIDS
The biggie. The grand poobah. The mother lode. The leader of the pack. The only STD in history to get its own Broadway musical. The scary monster that really could be under your bed. It might seem like old news, and this is bad news, because old news usually means new nonchalance. And about 1 in 6 people with HIV don’t know they are infected, after all. Read up on HIV & AIDS at Planned Parenthood.

4. Pelvic Inflammatory Disease (PID)
Not an STD in itself, this is rather a common and serious complication of some STDs — it develops when an infection (usually untreated chlamydia or gonorrhea) spreads up from the vagina and cervix into the fallopian tubes, uterus, and ovaries. More than one million U.S. women get PID every year. Often, there are no symptoms, and, left untreated, it can lead to infertility, ectopic pregnancy, and chronic pain. Read more at Planned Parenthood.

5. Chlamydia & Gonorrhea
Yes, chlamydia and gonorrhea are easily treated and cured, but the symptoms for these two STDs can be easily missed, or easily mistaken for something else, like a yeast infection. And if you don’t treat these two, they can both cause serious complications, especially in women (see PID, above). Read more about the complications of these two STDs at Planned Parenthood.

… So, next booty call, or next one-night stand, or next time you sleep with someone new, think about asking them to discuss their sexual history — when they were last tested, what STDs they have had or still have, if they always use condoms, etc. And then, only then, may you ask them if they’ve traveled to Liberia recently!

MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com