Is It Normal for a Guy’s Libido to Decrease in a Relationship?

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your advice in the comments section. 

Dear Em & Lo,

Does a man’s interest in having sex decrease as the relationship progresses? Does his libido decrease as he stays longer in a relationship? My boyfriend and I have sex perhaps once in two weeks, and we’ve been dating for seven months. He is a workaholic. I know he loves me and I trust him. but I’m just concerned how I can manage with such limited amount of sex.

Blue Box

Is a decrease in his libido normal after seven months?
Chime in below!


  1. I agree with J, but I want to add onto that.

    You say he’s a workaholic. Is this something that developed during the relationship, or has it always been this way? Sometimes a new job can be overwhelming, and people feel the need to make the best possible impression early on. If it’s not new, maybe he’s just trying to catch up on stuff he neglected while the two of you were in your honeymoon phase, or maybe he feels your relationship is stable enough that he doesn’t need to work on the two of you as much as his source of income.

    Also, you don’t mention how often you see each other, or if you live together. If you can only see each other every two weeks or so and it’s always passionate and romantic, maybe he thinks he’s trying hard enough to maintain things with you. If you live together, or see each other nearly every day, he might feel like the familiarity combined with his workload makes it hard to feel intimate except for those rare occasions when it does.

    Consider his work, his health, your schedules, and also any conversations you’ve already had about this. Then sit down and talk to him honestly. Write it all down if you have to so the message doesn’t get lost in frustration or emotion. You deserve to have the kind of relationship you want, and that means having the kind of sex life you want as well.

    Lastly, have the two of you defined your relationship? Are you monogamous? Is this something you are building up to last, or are you keeping things kind of casual? If you haven’t actually sat down to have a talk about what the two of you are looking for, maybe he thinks this is enough for you. You’ll never know until you have a conversation with him.

  2. Hmm, I feel like a similar question was posted not to long ago. But, I’ll give pretty much the same answer that I did then. It is normal for passion and sex to decrease as a relationship progresses. Our bodies and brains can’t maintain the same level of arousal that we feel early in a relationship. We’d be exhausted! Plus, as we get older, there is usually a steady increase in stress and responsibility until we reach a comfortable point in our careers or maybe even retirement age. So, I don’t think it is abnormal at all that anyone is less interested in sex. There is just too much other stuff competing for brain space.

    But, that doesn’t mean you should just accept feeling sexually unfulfilled. You both deserve to have your needs met and it is possible to do that. I think that, for a lot of couples, the problem is making the time to be intimate and to actually give the sex drive a chance to kick in. Maybe talk to your man about trying to make time once a week to be intimate. Not just to have sex but to cuddle in bed, massage each other, talk, giggle, whatever. Ask him to make the time to relax with you and allow himself to become interested in sex.

    It may also be a good idea to encourage him to get a check up. Various medical conditions and medications can effect the libido so it would be good to rule that out. Lastly, try not to put pressure on the situation. It will make the situation feel worse both for you and him if you are constantly worried about it. Try to just take it in stride (easier said than done, I know).

    1. Hmm, we just realized you might be right! Well, it’s kind of an evergreen question — differing libidos in a relationship is one of the most popular issues we’re questioned about, not to mention the pros and cons of monogamy — so the more advice on this topic, the better. 🙂

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