Top 10 Timely Halloween Costumes for Couples

It’s only three weeks to Halloween, which means that if you plan on doing something more elaborate than throwing a sheet over your head and saying BOO! a lot, you better get your act together soon. So, with that in mind, here are our top ten ideas for timely Halloween costumes for couples. We make no promises that every costume below will kink up your sex life, but you’ll certainly have fun trying):

  1. Walt and Jesse from Breaking Bad, in their haz-mat suits and gas masks. (Definitely keep the masks on for sex!)
  2. So you prefer a little teasing and torture, BDSM-style? Then one of you is Jesse in handcuffs and the other is Todd, serving Jesse ice cream (it doesn’t have to be Americone Dream, but it can’t be vanilla, geddit?).
  3. Last Breaking Bad costume, we swear!: For retro appeal, one of you is Walter White in his grubby, baggy tighty-whities, and the other is a pregnant though emotionally underdeveloped Skylar.
  4. One of you is Justin Bieber in low-slung boxer-briefs, and the other is… Justin Bieber in low-slung boxer-briefs. You’re a selfie in action! Take the camera to bed with you, of course.
  5. If you plan to dress like Miley Cyrus and Robin Thicke from the VMAs, we don’t want to know about it. Unless, of course, the guy in your couple dresses as Miley and the gal dresses like Robin (or you’re both gay). And most definitely bring that foam finger to bed later in the evening.
  6. Dress as a two-person humped camel, a la the Geico commercial. (We’re pretty sure you could get busy under there and no one would be the wiser. At the very least, some mutual diddling.)
  7. Dexter in black rubber protective gear + saran-wrapped victim = a fetish love affair just waiting to happen!
  8. Duck Dynasty Mr. & Mrs: It’s hardly the most original costume out there, but we’re pretty sure that Duck Dynasty-style sex is old-school down and dirty. You can leave your bandana on, as the song almost goes.
  9. Michael Douglas and Matt Damon from Behind the Candelabra: Go seventies, go tight white pants, go gaudy, go topless, go glitzy, go both ways and back again — and do it all for love, aw yeah.
  10. Close the shades and refuse to answer the door to any trick-or-treaters all night while you have hot monkey sex with your partner. Your costume? You’re a government shut-down!