Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: Do guys check each other out in the locker room? Or what about at the urinal? Not necessarily in an attraction way, just in an “how do I measure up” kind of way?
Straight Married Guy (Fred): Nope. There’s an unspoken rule, at least among straight guys, that in the men’s room you look anywhere but at another man’s equipment. The straight male culture is so incredibly homophobic that the mere suggestion of potential homosexuality that comes from looking — even just for a split second, even accidentally — is what keeps straight guys eyes averted as if every penis were the Lost Arc. (I wonder what the protocol is for gay guys?) The only other John Thomases hetro men ever see is the elephant timber in porn, which doesn’t help at all, so if a guy just has to know how he measures in the real world up he’ll probably resort to asking a woman (and we all know how well that works).
Gay Single Guy (Daniel): Yes, guys check out other guys’ equipment — even if they are straight. This isn’t to say that straight guys actively and persistently look in order to compare one man’s anaconda to another man’s pretzel stick (though I am sure some do), but comparing is something that potentially happens on the sly and in one’s own head (a guy thinks to himself, “Well, he’s certainly bigger than me”). It’s not unlike women checking out each other’s breasts, except where women feel comfortable commenting on the differences (“Oh, you have such nice boobs” or “Her breasts aren’t that big but they’re perky”), straight guys cannot comment on another man’s wang without being thought of as a homo. Gay guys obviously don’t have that problem, so they’re free to talk — but when they do, it’s waaaaaaaaaay more sexualized. Hahaha!
Straight Single Guy (Mark): Not to put too fine a point on it, but…no, sorry. Nothing to do with attraction or even comparison — I guess it’s just an unspoken courtesy to give that modicum of privacy in an otherwise exposed situation. At the urinal, there’s simply the invisible line below which thou shalt not gaze, and in the shower, it’s pretty much the same understanding. So yeah, guys check each other out in the locker room probably about as often as girls actually have pillow fights in their underwear at slumber parties. But seriously, I suppose girls are more stereotypically body conscious and comparing-prone, so I’d imagine they’d be the ones more likely to check out what’s doing with their cohorts in that environment and see how they, um, stack up. But guys are utilitarian — we’re all business in the locker room. We want to empty our bladders, or shower up and get dressed again, and get out of there to carry on with our busy days of manliness [cue Tim Allen “Home Improvement” sound effect].
Our “guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Gay Guy is one-time stripper and sex columnist Daniel; our Straight Single Guy is Mark Luczak, a tech geek at Carnegie Mellon University; and our straight married guy is shy. To ask the guys your own question, click here.
In the Shower. Yes. Always and Absolutely. You got to have developed glaucoma if you don’t see other dude’s dicks in the shower. Not the dude next to you but across from you. And taking a long warm shower after hard work is nice!
On the Urinal: Never. This is rude. Peeing is a semi private activity, halfway to taking a dumb. So be quite, stare to the wall and don’t even try to talk.
Locker Room: This is where the friendly and harmless look in the shower can become a “homo stare”. So no, and don’t ever try. Reason: It only OK looking at other’s nakedness when you are also completely naked. Otherwise you’ll put someone on the spot or create an awkward situation. Certainly you don’t want to be put on that spot, right?
C’mon guys, everyone glances, not, ‘look up and down’ but innocent looks. Guys do a lot of sizing up while watching porn. I know its not the same as being physically in a urinal, with other dudes; but guys like to know where they size up in the competition.
I can’t help but feel that it is “subjective” at “the end of the day”… At some point in their lives, men are going to observe other men’s genitals – simple as… It’s “not a done thing” to look at another man in the “mens room”, but in mens showers, it’s gonna happen – it ain’t as if every guys gonna be looking at the floor/the ceiling etc. I think it’s a “natural thing” to look at at another man’s genitals “in passing” – it doesn’t mean that they are gay… maybe comparing size, etc, whatever…. Let’s not get “so hung up” about a str8 guy observing another man’s genitals…
Geez, do you reckon that our ancestor “cave men/women” had this discussion – they observed genitals for what they were, simple as. We are “too hung up” about “perceived” homosexuality etc. As to the recent trend of trimmed/shaved pubic area, “don’t even go there” – guess there will be some cosmetic cream/scent/aroma available – if there isn’t already…
That’s fair. I understand.
Mandy said: “I would have thought ‘homo’ would have been more acceptable than Gay.”
Most of my Gay friends refer to themselves as “Queer” or “Fags” but I prefer my 16 year old hetero son to use a more neutrally acceptable term. (Not that he will…) And, when coming from Other People, most Gay men around here don’t really prefer “homo,” unless you know them, but I think it is different depending on the Community you live in.
I know African Americans who use the N word, and “prefer” it between freinds, but I certainly don’t want my children using it. I think what some groups call themselves is not always what they prefer from other people. It again, depends on the area you live in and how well you know the person.
I would have thought ‘homo’ would have been more acceptable than Gay.
Mind you, it doesn’t matter one way or another here, considering during Pride week (especially on the day of the big pride parade) it’s hard not to walk into a naked homosexual (and more often than not what you’re walking into is a little hard. A little less so when I do it being a girl, but my buddy [being not gay but very gay friendly] walked into a few awkward situations that day…)
Anyway, that all is besides the point.
I was under the impression that the difference between show-ers and grow-ers would have negated the need to look. The aforementioned buddy can fit in one of my hand if I do anything before he’s expecting it, and within a few minutes is too big for me to wrap my hand around, or cover completely lengthwise with both hands.
So what would be the point of trying to judge him in the locker room?
Madamoiselle L,
I didn’t try to criticize you or anything.
It’s just that here in Norway the atrocities done to children in the way of genital mutilations have in recent years been focused on. Here African immigrants send their children — mostly girls — back to Africa on “vacation” where the mutilation is done.
This has NOTHING to do with religion or culture, and the practise have been prohibited by law for many years — I thought all western countries had similar laws.
My reaction was just a result of my supprise that a supposedly civilized country can allow this things to happen. In the name of humanity this must be stopped and I salute you for sparing your child. Fact is NO ONE would ever dream of cutting pieces out of their genitalia when grown up. Would you?
David, Oslo, Norway
P.S. In a strictly male environment no one ever looks at each others penises. You ladies can see this in action on the beach. Especially on a nude beach.
daNorse said: ““…at present only about half of newborn boys in the US are, it was slightly higher when he was born…”
My holy shit!! I really had no idea that Americans mutilated their children to such a degree! I am shocked and I really think this is a cruel thing to do to defenceless children!! Shame on you!…”
Hey, My man and I DIDN’T do this to OUR boy. There’s my story of HOW I talked my husband into the idea that we were NOT going to cut our son, on the thread about circumcision. In fact, most of my friends, (mostly earth mother types, but not all) have left their sons the way Nature made them. When I was dating, an uncut member was very very rare, you had to date either a European Guy (yum) or the child of some early hippies. Things HAVE gotten better here.
For the USA, a 50% circ rate is actually progress. Anyway, there is an other thread where the entire thing is about circs.
I play in a sports team that has communal showers and one big open change room and yes guys do check out other guys they don’t ogle or stare but yes they do check out the other guys tackle
“…at present only about half of newborn boys in the US are, it was slightly higher when he was born…”
My holy shit!! I really had no idea that Americans mutilated their children to such a degree! I am shocked and I really think this is a cruel thing to do to defenceless children!! Shame on you!…
Oslo, Norway
I asked my husband about this, and in a round about way, my teenage son. (I’ll explain.)
My husband said, “You look STRAIGHT AHEAD at the urinal or the wall, you save talk for the sink, you do NOT look or, God help ya, get caught doing it.” He was telling me one guy where he works leans on the wall and moans when he pisses, and he said, “If I see that dude going into the can, I HOLD IT until he comes out. Weird.”
The reason I asked my son was the whole circumcision thing. (My son is not cut.) People would say to me, when he was a little boy “He’s gonna get made fun of in the locker room.” Now, most of my friends have NOT had their sons circed, and at present only about half of newborn boys in the US are, it was slightly higher when he was born. I once asked him if there was “teasing” from the uncut or cut boys.
My son said to me, “Ma, if you get caught looking at, much less TALKING about an other guy’s dick, you’ll probably get beat up, or at least called a homo. You don’t look at or talk about some random guy’s dick in the locker room.” So, no, no teasing about being natural and uncut. Whether it is because they “don’t look” or are understandably afraid to be “caught” looking is debatable. (I did ask him to please use the word “Gay” or “GLBT” instead of “homo” but he rolled his eyes and walked away.)
If you factor in that a man peeing is NOT hard, and is going to look a lot different in a sexual situation, there really isn’t much of a need. I am assuming.
Johnny hit on something that the two straight guys totally homophobically avoided: sometimes you can’t help but see it. There’s that moment when you turn around, and, “Holy horse cock!!”
Rei-do you know what homophobe means? I think you mean homosexual.
Straight guys have to stop it with thinking they are a homophobe with one accident look at another guy’s penis. Jeez, its kinda up tight.
1. At a urnial, your gaze should only ever be directed up and down – never side to side. Looking at another dude at the urinal – at his dick or at his face – might get you an angry, “what the fuck are you looking at?”
2. Locker room – displays of nudity seem to be a generational thing. Old guys tend to strut around naked like ancient Greeks. Don’t know why. In that case it’s not a check-out – you just can’t miss it. When showering, same thing – sometimes you can’t help but see. Ostentatious penile displays aside, I’d never intentionally look.