Wise Guys: Do Men Like Eye Contact During Sex?

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: “Do guys like looking into their partner’s eyes while they’re having sex, and while they’re climaxing? Why or why not? And if a woman is with a man who never looks her in the eye during sex, what does that mean?” To ask the guys your own question, click here.

joel_derfner_100Gay Engaged Guy (Joel Derfner, author of Swish): I don’t think it’s something guys really think about either way — I don’t think we find it that meaningful a question. I guess I tend to look my partner in the eye at least once or twice during sex, but if he didn’t look me in the eye I don’t know that I’d be that freaked out. If he’s not looking you in the eye and you want him to, say so. If, after that, he still won’t look you in the eye, then my guess — given that it’s not that big a deal — is that there’s probably something wrong with him.

anonymous_suitStraight Married Guy (Figleaf): I wouldn’t automatically read too much into a man who never looks at his partner during sex. For starters a lot of people think it’s rude and/or a sign of disinterest just to kiss with your eyes open. Then there’s the business where it’s kind of hard to keep your eyes open during an orgasm anyway. And I guess for some people, men and women, the emotional intensity of eye contact during foreplay or climax might be too much to handle.

And finally, at least for men who are trying not to climax before they or their partners are ready for it, there might be a fear that eye contact could put him over the edge. Heck, like too many others, he could just be shy about letting you see his “o-face.” That said, someone who keeps their eyes closed or averted is missing a treat — sex as a shared experience is… well… sex! And eye contact is a great way to share it.

As for the last question, if a partner really never makes eye contact during sex, you might want to gently ask him or her about it. Some time when you’re not having sex, of course. Just to make sure everything’s okay.

anonymous_suitStraight Single Guy (L.A. Chris): I think some of this is personal preference, like having the lights on or off. But in general, and I’m speaking broadly here, eyes open means you’re making love with that person, and you’re engaged in the here and now. Eyes closed means you’re thinking of something (or someone) else. With eyes closed, you may be concentrating on your performance, you may be trying to last longer or come quicker, or you may be dealing with some deep issues. Or maybe you’re just lost in the moment and going off to fantasyland like a musician — they always close their eyes when doing a heartfelt solo.

Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Gay Engaged Guy is Joel Derfner, author of Swish, and our Straight Married Guy is Figleaf, the guy behind RealAdultSex.com. To ask the guys your own question, click here.


  1. For me it depends on how I feel about the man i’m with. If I am really attracted to him or in love with him, i’ll keep my eyes open. If it’s someone I’m not really into, I’ll keep my eyes shut because I dont want to look at him. Some eye contact is sexy to me, and I think I’d be worried if a significant other didnt look at me at all during sex.

    One thing I’ve always thought was stupid though was in porno’s where the girl is giving the guy head and staring up at him the whole time while she’s down there working at it. I just find that to be weird and uncomfortable. A few sexy glances during oral are hot, but if some guy was down there with an unwavering gaze, I’d laugh at him.

  2. My husband never looks at me during sex at all and he negative towards me constantly, does he not love me? He, said yes he does, but I don’t know? Help!!! Wtf is going on?,,??

    1. l would love to get this answered. are y’all still married? my husband does the same thing say the same thing

  3. huh I guess I just assumed all guys make SOME eye contact during sex. We’re always “checking in”, making sure both parties are having a good, fun time…and that’s with just flings! But from the other comments, looks like that’s just a “style” vs. a norm. I also always have the lights on…haha how can you find stuff otherwise? And if I’m sleeping with someone, I better darn want to see them in full light!

  4. Another thing to consider: I generally do not have sex with my glasses on. Unless he’s pretty near my face, I can’t really make eye contact because I can’t really find his eyes. I like eye contact, but I also tend to put my face places that don’t help– shoulder, mostly.

  5. I agree. Preference indeed. There’s moments when I think it’s much hotter to have eye contact, like when I’m on top. My husband really enjoys that, as do I. But when we’re concentrating, I’d much rather have eyes closed, focusing on sensation or enjoying a bite on the earlobe.

  6. I think Chris and Figleaf are spot on here. Eyes open or closed is definitely a preference + intensity issue. When one sensation gets overwhelming we tend to block out the others, hence closing your eyes during orgasm. I suggest asking for what you want. If eye contact makes it hotter for you, just say so! Few guys aren’t going to try whatever makes it good for you!

    That said, there is a big difference between eyes closed in pleasure/concentration and simply eyes averted. If he’s really looking AWAY you may have a problem.

  7. I’m an eyes closed sort of girl, and when I see a guy looking at me during sex I definitely get the impression that he cares more about me than guys that don’t stare. I also don’t think it’s anything to take personally if a guy closes his eyes or doesn’t and is probably just a habit.

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