Your Call: Is It Normal for Sex to Wane In a Relationship?

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your advice in the comments section. 

Does a man’s interest in having sex decrease as the relationship progresses? Does the urge to have sex decrease in men the longer they stay in a relationship? My boyfriend and I started out with no sex for the first three months, then we started having sex but only about once every two weeks. We’ve been dating now for 7 months and it’s the same rate, if not worse. He is a workaholic. I know he loves me and I trust him. But I’m just concerned how I can manage with such a limited amount of sex. Please help me.

— Burning Up for His Love

Should BUfHL expect or demand more sex?
Let her know in the comments below!


  1. Yes, it’s absolutely normal for sex and passion to wane in a relationship. Hopefully, it’s being replaced by greater emotional intimacy and friendship. But, the 7 month mark does sound a bit early.

    It’s also fairly normal for someone to just not want that much sex. Sex drives vary from person to person and they vary depending on life circumstances.

    You’ve gotta communicate with him and figure out the root of the problem. Why isn’t he horny? Then decide if it’s something yall can work on together. If it’s not, you’ll have to make some serious decisions about what you can accept and compromise on.

  2. The word workaholic can mean different things. Colloquially, it means that someone is ambitious and puts in a lot of hours at their job. But clinically, it shares similarities with other addictions.

  3. Yeah… I’m confused. You started having sex after three months, but then only once every two weeks–even when you just started having sex? It’s hard to say what’s going on without a lot more information, and I generally dislike calling anything normal/abnormal in the realm of sex and relationships… but that’s very infrequent for early days. Most people are going at it like bunny rabbits–at least once, if not twice per day in the first weeks or months of having sex.

    As for the long-term (and in my humble opinion, yours is still a very short term relationship), sure… things ebb and flow over time. Work can get in the way, kids can slow things down, and nothing ever matches the intensity of the flush of new love. That said, things do sometimes rebound, and even people who’ve been married for many years can have surprisingly active sex lives. Some of that depends on the natural inclination of each person in the relationship, for sure.

    Hey, this guy just might not be that into sex. Is that okay with you? It doesn’t sound like it. Maybe it is work stress, or some emotional issue, or any number of other things. I’d talk about it with him, see if he opens up about it. If you love the guy, see if he’s willing to talk to a couples’ therapist with you.

    Barring that, going without sex (or infrequent sex) doesn’t sound like it’s working for you. You’re concerned how you’ll manage. I would be, too, if it were me. If he’s not willing to talk to someone about it, and things don’t seem like they’re going to change, you might want to consider moving on. You just might find someone who simply can’t get enough of you. Why settle for less than that?

  4. I mean, yes, interest in sex wanes in a relationship (for both partners, come on). But that’s not what’s happening to you here. You went from nothing, to very little, and now you’re sliding back to nothing. And it’s only been 7 months.

    Workaholism is bad for sex lives. Exhaustion isn’t erotic. Without knowing more about your situation, it sounds like that could be at least a primary culprit.

    You’ve only been together a short time. You should consider whether this is what you really want for yourself.

Comments are closed.