Your Call: Is His Wife Cheating on Him?

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call by leaving your advice in the comments section below. This week, it’s a real mystery!:

Dear Em & Lo,

Lately my wife and I have been fighting a lot. I don’t feel close to her at all. The few times we do have sex in a month, I’ve noticed lately that when we have intercourse, something is making my penis feel “numb”. Whatever it is it really desensitizes me. My immediate thought is she is cheating on me and her new guy must use those condoms that make you numb and it’s staying inside of her and that’s what is making me numb. I’ve never noticed this until recently and we’ve been married over 10 years. What could this be?  Could this be feminine products she uses that is doing this?  Whatever it is, it’s only when I’m inside of her.

— Suspicious Mind

What should SM do?

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10 Comments on "Your Call: Is His Wife Cheating on Him?"

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4 years 4 months ago

Is it possible that she tried a new kind of lube? Some of the lubes out there now have a “cooling” effect that can make things tingly. Though you would have probably seen her use the lube, you might ask her if she’s using any new products down there. I doubt that any of this is on her end, though. The numbing effect of those condoms would wear off minutes after intercourse. Unless she ran home immediately after her affair and jumped on you, you probably wouldn’t notice any numbness from the condom.

Have you ever considered that the problem may be yours, whether mental or physical? A quick google search for “penis numbness” is telling me that a lot of guys experience similar things, and all of them cannot possibly have girlfriends who are cheating using numbing condoms. Maybe it’s a circulation thing or a sign of another health problem. I would talk to your doctor before accusing your wife of cheating. It’s not always your partner’s fault when the sex feels different!

4 years 4 months ago

It must be something she’s using not the numb condoms. Me and my girlfriend have been using those condoms for six months and I sometimes fuck her without them, but never experience what u experiencing bra

4 years 4 months ago

The effect of the desensitizing condoms, which are marketed to “help” premature ejaculation, is temporary. You would have to be having sex right behind him in order for you to be feeling the effects as well.

*If* there is a him.

The only one who knows the answer to your question is your wife. You have to talk to her. If she denies it and you still suspect her, then it’s time to evaluate what you’re getting out of the marriage to compensate for this uncertainty and suspicion.

4 years 4 months ago

I don’t buy your theory at all about the condoms. I think you really need to tell her about the numbness and ask if shes been using any new products. Women use any number of things down there, and it might be something completely innocuous. I really doubt it is from a numbing condom.

However, I think any suspicions of cheating should be taken seriously. If you really feel like something is off, you need to be aware of that and try to address it if you can,before you drive yourself crazy. It might not be what you think, but if something feels not right, you need to figure out what’s going on.

John Kamp
4 years 4 months ago

Talk or walk, Buddy. You’re story is just a story. Time to find out what’s really going on between you two, and it’s not about what going on below the waist. In your heads.