Dear Em & Lo,

My bf and I have sex and it feels so amazing, but after at least 7 to 10 minutes later it begins to hurt and burn. I try using spit to help with the lubrication but that just seems to make matters worst. So how can I use lube during sex without letting him know? I’m ashamed for not being as aroused as him.

— Sa(ha)ra

Dear Sara,

First and foremost, you have nothing to be ashamed of. So stop making yourself feel bad about your totally normal body!

For women, natural lubrication doesn’t necessarily go hand-in-hand with sexual desire. You may be ready mentally, but your body could use a little catching up. Smoking, caffeine, booze, weed, stress, certain days in your menstrual cycle, and medications can all dry you up. It can happen any time, but it’ll be more common the longer you go (10 minutes is actually an eternity in penis-pumping time) and more common the older you get. That’s life!

Let us repeat: using lube to make things more comfortable is nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, we recommend incorporating lube into any sexual session whether you think you need it or not! How do we love lube? Let us count the ways:

The Benefits of Lube

• It just makes the sex feel better, for both you and your partner!
• Adding extra lubrication means your sensitive parts can take more kinds of stimulation for longer without getting over-sensitive.
• It helps prevent friction and chaffing that can result in serious soreness for you (and sometime him).
• It helps keep the condom from breaking!

How to Introduce Lube into Your Relationship:

First, tell him you’d really like to add lube to your play because you’ve read/heard/know that it’ll make things feel even better and allow you to have sex for longer without getting rug burn. If his ego seems about ready to collapse in on itself (which we highly doubt will happen), then reassure him that it has nothing to do with how into him (or the sex) you are — in fact, it proves how invested you are in both because you want to make these moments as great as possible! If he’s still not convinced, forward him this post.

What Kind of Lube to Use?

Now, don’t even thinking about going all DIY with some butter (not even olive oil, yuppie). Oils can degrade latex (i.e. break the condom!) and can also encourage vaginal infections. And spit just doesn’t have the staying power you need. So when you’re a friend in need, purpose-made lubricant is a friend indeed.

When picking lube, try to aim for a higher-end, longer-lasting, heartier lubes available at a sex toy outlet like Goodvibes.com (rather than your corner drug store, whose selection will be limited). Reputable sex stores offer sampler packs to experiment with until you find the one that helps you fit together the most comfortably. Or treat yourself to a nice bottle of love that’s glycerine free, paraben free, and fragrance free like Lelo’s Personal Moisturizer. Here are some more great suggestions.

How to Apply It:

Add a few drops to your vulva and vaginal opening yourself, or to make it more fun, have him to do it. Don’t forget to apply some to his member — lube may actually make it difficult to get to the intercourse, since it makes handjobs feel so good. If you’re using a condom (and you should), you can add a drop to the inside of the condom and a lot more to the outside once it’s on. Keep reapplying it throughout the sesh as needed (a pump dispenser is great for one-handed reapplication), especially if you’re having a marathon session (again, anything longer than 10 minutes). Afterwards, it’s always a good idea to clean off properly in the shower.

Have fun slippin’ and slidin’! You’ll be wondering why it took you so long to reap the benefits of one the best, most affordable, most effective sex enhancers available!

Em & Lo

Water-based lubes are always a safe-bet.
But What About Silicone Lubes?