There’s no such thing as an “ugly vagina.” Here’s why…
Dear Em & Lo,
A male acquaintance recently started a conversation about “ugly” vaginas with my friends and me. He said that some vaginas resemble “kebabs” and that a lot of guys are really put off sex when they get a hot girl naked and find that her vagina isn’t as “neat” as they imagined it would be. It made me feel really self-conscious about my own, even though I never have been before.
Anyways, as I have never really seen many vaginas before, I decided to Google “ugly vaginas.” I was curious about what an ugly vagina actually is, and whether mine was one of them. Oh my god! I was shocked. What I thought was normal is actually “kebab-like”!!!! There were images of “beautiful” and “ugly” vaginas. The Vagina Institute in particular compares the two. The “beautiful” ones have plump outer labia and you can’t see the inner labia poking out from them…but the ugly ones are just like mine, when you can see the inner lips slightly.
It has made me feel so self-conscious. I hate to think of my ex and future partners being turned off by my vagina, especially as I try to keep it neat by trimming and waxing! Now I feel like growing a bush to try and hide my lips! The horrible things is, I think when I was younger my vagina was more beautiful (I’ve seen the pictures of me running around naked on the beach as a child)…at least it looked more like the beautiful vagina pictures. It looked more like a little bottom than an adult vagina.
Do you think that I have made it look worse by having lots of sex or something? Or is it just where I am older (I am 22 now). Can you have surgery on your vagina? I really want my inner lips to be made smaller. Is it possible?
— “Ugly” Betty
Dear U.B.,
Oy. Where do we start? We could write an entire book on this topic. And it would involve a lot of ranting and swear words. Let’s try for the abridged version.
First of all, the bad news about your “ugly vagina”:
We hate to say it, but yes, there are plenty of guys out there who, like your pal, use terms like “roast beef” or “kebab” to describe what they consider to be “ugly vaginas.” (Ignoramuses! The correct terminology for external female genitalia is vulvas, not vaginas, so we’ll be using that from here on out.) We wish we didn’t live in the kind of world where sexist idiots come up with insulting names for female anatomy, but damn it, we do, and much as we’d like to lie to you and tell you that all guys are just happy to get access to any vulva, no matter what it looks like, we can’t.
These same guys will probably tell you (if you ply them with enough drinks) that a so-called “ugly vagina”, where the inner lips protrude beyond the outer lips, looks that way because the woman has had too much sex. And this is why they find “imperfect” genitalia a turn-off — it makes them think the vagina has too much “mileage.”
What the double-standard fuck? Know this: they’re flat-out wrong. Sex does not make your labia “grow.” Let’s say that one more time: The size and shape of a woman’s labia has nothing to do with the number of notches on her bedpost.
But now the good news:
Just because some guys think this way, doesn’t mean they all do. Nor does it mean you have to put up with it. Say no to vulva prejudice! Here are ten things you should know that may help you fight the good fight.
1. There’s no such thing as abnormal.
Even though seedy quack operations like the Vagina “Institute” (no link for them, they’re assholes) will tell you that vulvas like yours are “abnormal,” they’re not. There’s no such thing as abnormal when it comes to labes. (Okay, maybe if you could play hackysack with your inner labia, that would be a bit abnormal.) Labia come in all shapes and sizes. Most women’s aren’t symmetrical, and it’s incredibly common for a woman’s inner labia to protrude beyond the outer labia. (It’s for this reason that we always use the terms “inner labia” and “outer labia” rather than “labia majora” and “labia minora,” which falsely represent the scale).
2. Blame porn.
You know the only place where the vast majority of vulvas do look “perfect” (i.e. the same)? Porn. And it’s for the same reason that most of the ladies in porn have big boobs: It’s a job requirement, so if they weren’t born that way, they go under the knife to get that way. It stands to reason, therefore, that guys who watch a ton of porn are more likely to have strong (and wrong) opinions about your labia. Check out this Australian (NSFW!) report on how porn is responsible for the rise in labiaplasty operations.
3. Labiaplasty schmabiaplasty.
Yes, you can have surgery on labia. And NO, YOU SHOULD NOT EVEN CONSIDER DOING THIS. If you don’t believe us, Dr. Kate says the same thing. Your labia are full of nerve endings. Every day we are inundated with letters from women saying they can’t orgasm — and you want to lessen your chances?!! Labiaplasty (that’s the “technical” term) to trim your inner lips probably won’t make sex feel better for you, and it definitely could make sex less pleasurable or even painful.
4. Love (and often mere lust) conquers all.
The more a guy is into you, the less likely he is to give a shit what your vulva looks like. Sure, there are some guys out there who have an unbending aesthetic preference, love be damned, just as there are some women out there who can’t imagine sticking it out with a guy who’s less than average-sized. But just as most women will overlook a man’s size if they’re in head over heels for the man attached to that penis, so too will most men be a-ok with your labia. Hey, it’s not the worst thing in the world to hold off on getting naked with a guy until you’re sure he likes you for more than just your genitals.
5. Can you say “nerve endings”?
Some of our best friends have classic “ugly” vaginas. And you know what? Anecdotally speaking, some of them may enjoy sex a little more because of it. Like we said, the inner labia are chock-full of nerve endings, and they encase the clitoral head, which means that during intercourse, there’s a whole lot more friction going on. Friction = stimulation = Big Os for her. So there, you vulva fascists.
6. Beauty standards are arbitrary.
You know what we think is ugly? That plucked-chicken look a vulva gets a few weeks after a full Brazilian (or sometimes even a few days after). Sure, maybe that makes us vulva fascists, too, but we’re just saying is all: Back before people started taking it all off down there, very few people stressed out about their “ugly vagina”, so far as we know. We don’t think you should necessarily opt for re-growth to “hide” your vadge — you’ve got nothing to be ashamed of — but you should know that nobody’s adult vulva looks like a little girl’s, with or without pubic hair. So stop rueing the fact that it doesn’t!
7. Girly-looking vulvas are for little girls.
And you know what? We’re kind of glad that nobody’s adult vulva looks like a little girl’s. Who wants their vulva to look like a 7-year-old’s? Or a little mini tushy on a kid?
8. The internet is NOT your friend.
Next time you’re feeling self-conscious about a body part, do NOT Google it. The Web is overrun with horny 13-year-olds who have unlimited access to porn and very limited knowledge of real women.
9. People and their body parts are diverse AF.
Libraries are supposed to be “neat.” Office cubicles are supposed to be “neat.” A lawyer’s side part is supposed to be “neat.” Your labia may be “neat,” but they aren’t necessarily supposed to be.
10. There are plenty of unfussy fish in the sea.
If, like us, you wish we didn’t live in this kind of world, then start changing it, one man at a time: Educate your guy friends. Don’t date with men who use the term “ugly vagina” and make you feel self-conscious about your vulva. Do date men who are respectful of women and seem genuinely happy to be given access to your genitals. Educate your female friends. Love your vulva.
Yes, we just lit a patchouli-scented candle.
Em & Lo
I have just been reading this page with my partner and he was amazed at the comments about protruding labia. By the way, we both get really annoyed that people keep saying vagina when they mean vulva. The vagina is the hole in your vulva which is the name for both sets of lips, the clitoris and hood etc. For goodness sake try to get it right or don’t go on these forums.
Anyway, I have protruding inner labia, not by much, but they are always visible out of my outer labia. When Peter gives me oral they feel absolutely wonderful as his tongue runs all the way from my vagina, up my entire lips and over my clitoris. The inner lips are packed with feeling and I love them being touched.
However, Peter says that he also loves looking at ‘neat’ vulvas in porn – which we sometimes read together.
Anyway, if you love someone it really doesn’t matter. Peter’s penis is not huge, but it feels lovely to me and I know that when it is inside me he is experiencing the best feeling in the world … well apart from when I give him fellatio.
If you want to better understand how vulva’s work and respond to caressing and oral then Andrew Macbeth and Jane Tothree have a great book out on how to give and receive oral sex orgasms – search if you want to find it. It is great fun to try out and I love the attention it brings to my vulva.
Sorry to be so long winded.
I would be more turned on if it looked like a butthole.
If you’re being serious, I’d be surprised with that attitude you have a girl. If you do, just turn her over and cornhole. Better yet, with that attitude, if you’re not gay already go for it and get all the butthole-looking backpussy you want. Don’t be selfish, though; remember to always do the reach around.
My husband loves my vagina ! He loves my big inner lips ! I am very happy he was not circumcised ! You people that need boob jobs and have your vagina lips cut off are nuts !So sad , try to enjoy your bodies as they were made and not as some idiot in porn star world thinks you should look.
Calm down ladies. you’re starting to to sound like us guys worried about penis size. REAL women love the man attached to the penis. I personally LOVE that my wife’s vulva looks nothing like an immature little girls vulva. Would you want your MAN to look like a little boy?
Chaz
Thank you so much feeling a little better. If only all men were like you guys.
Em&Lo –
Amen. Well said. Fuck yeah. Thank you.
I feel so much better about myself now!
-M.M
This article is so poorly written.
Defending one vagina type and putting down another.
smh. stupidity at its finest
I get insecure when I’m about to have sex because in my inner flaps of my vagina lips I have alittle hair that I can’t get rid of even when I try to shave , I don’t know if my boyfriend would mind me having hair there , he wants to give me oral pleasure but I’m scared ! somebody please give me advice
Becca you have good reason to be insecure. You sound 20 something, my guess is early 20s. If you hang with young immature guys, then yes your fears are very valid. Especially if you are a teenager.
So my advice is to find a mature guy, and let your hair down. The older the better, he will not have these kinds of immature hangups about your body. Even if you are in your mid teens, but you want to avoid this heartache, really find a 30s guy, or better yet 40 and above. You will be better off for it.
Anyone who happens upon this weirdo’s post…all three of my relationships, (which the first one started at age 19…and virginity was TAKEN, LOST, and WASTED btw) were with guys that were from ages 38-41.
I’m married to the one who was 38…for ten years now. Terrible, immature, rash mistake on my part that has ruined my life and from you, terrible advice and horrible of you to give it to someone you believe to be very young. Freak.
Huge age differences…I still don’t even know where to truly start nor should i waste anymore time on this blog post. But bottom line, besides having no understanding or interest/appreciation of each other’s generation, tastes, nostalgia, etc….a guy that goes for a much younger woman is almost always either a pervert or insecure about getting older.
Oh, and what’s more…they’ve had much, much more experience than a younger woman and have seen much much more porn as well that young guys as well as had the chance to see and fuck, in person, “normal/pretty” NATURAL vaginas and will compare the much younger girl sexually, mentally, and emotionally to all his past loves/hookups/etc from his being around the block.
I’d put money on you mentally being a perve irl.
Good for you !!!!! You tell the sick POS
I am really insecure about my vagina. I have about 3 cm of the inner labia hanging out of my outer labia. I thought I had something wrong with me. This site really cleared things up. I will forever be scared of what guys will think of me when I am naked. I have had sex with this guy but we did it with the lights off. He said it was amazing, but it was both our first times so I dont know. Well thanks.
Vaginas are hot as f. No matter what. You really think I would stop having sex with someone because of their vaginas ‘appearance.’ Hellllll no.
Oh come on ladies work on you self esteem. I am male and I have oral sex as part of foreplay. At that point in a relationship I think functionality far outweighs attractiveness.
The function of the reproductive organs are for limited guidance and effective reproduction. Animals manage to reproduce, some by brute force and ignorance and others by courtship. No matter what side of the equation your on, attractiveness is in the eyes of someone who lost sight of functionality. Do I have an ugly penis, maybe to some people and not to others. It’s not a beauty contest its love in some cases and sex in others. Should you be making comparisons between other people’s hardware and your own, no way. Remember everyone is different and it’s nature’s way of giving personality.
Be happy with it.
Oh yes, they are ugly. Yuk. Why bother having sex. If you look at both sexes objectively….they are both ugly. Why we have this deep rooted desire is beyond me. But no, I will never have sex. Ever. It looks so disgusting.
Sorry folks, auto-correct, sometimes doesn’t correct at all…hehe
Genitals, bodies, nationalities, cultures, religions, beliefs, challenges, mindsets aren’t “neat” or “ugly,” just different from what you are use to having….
EVERYONE (including the creators of this article should be nothing more than ashamed of there “opinions” (like asses, everone and thing has them) True, people are unique and different and why would you ever want “boring” and the same ALL the time, who cares how anything looks as long as it works for you and the other what does it matter. There are no labels! There are only people here insecure about themselves in the most asinine way. You all lack to see the importantance of what really matters be happy it’s a human at all and you are not getting with some beast demonic entity or monster by force!
ALL I’M SAYING IS… No matter what everyone needs to be loved regardless…. Different (no matter what you are you’re human right) in the long run works and you all must admit we all are just that, if you are sticking to your guns on preference don’t comment and if you are the type that likes trying something different every now and again HELL go all out and share you fun and amazine experiences! There is no shame and being human and how you develope at all, keep it healthy as much as you can and remember safety first.
Life should be to LIVE not to judge, and if you ask me, BEING JUDGEMENTAL allows no room to have fun and explore and hence to LOVE and to LIVE!!!!!
To all who judge at all wether it be themselves or anything/one else…. hey remember the ole saying “dont knock it, til you try it” it could be the best you ever had and you’ve been missing out… You never know until you really do (you know)…
Besides, if the world we know may soon to be overtaken by government experimental zombies created to bring down earth’s population by a vast amounts… At least you can say you tried everything before you die!
Change and different isn’t scary, just life at it’s BEST! Hey where would we be without it!
The difference creates the change and the change makes it what it is…. All to the good!
To those that think druel of any body part, that doesn’t look how society programmed you to think, I hope your the type that never craves for love or attention should (god forbid) you lose touch with health or limb… Because you might find yourself very alone. @ @
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