There’s no such thing as an “ugly vagina.” Here’s why…
Dear Em & Lo,
A male acquaintance recently started a conversation about “ugly” vaginas with my friends and me. He said that some vaginas resemble “kebabs” and that a lot of guys are really put off sex when they get a hot girl naked and find that her vagina isn’t as “neat” as they imagined it would be. It made me feel really self-conscious about my own, even though I never have been before.
Anyways, as I have never really seen many vaginas before, I decided to Google “ugly vaginas.” I was curious about what an ugly vagina actually is, and whether mine was one of them. Oh my god! I was shocked. What I thought was normal is actually “kebab-like”!!!! There were images of “beautiful” and “ugly” vaginas. The Vagina Institute in particular compares the two. The “beautiful” ones have plump outer labia and you can’t see the inner labia poking out from them…but the ugly ones are just like mine, when you can see the inner lips slightly.
It has made me feel so self-conscious. I hate to think of my ex and future partners being turned off by my vagina, especially as I try to keep it neat by trimming and waxing! Now I feel like growing a bush to try and hide my lips! The horrible things is, I think when I was younger my vagina was more beautiful (I’ve seen the pictures of me running around naked on the beach as a child)…at least it looked more like the beautiful vagina pictures. It looked more like a little bottom than an adult vagina.
Do you think that I have made it look worse by having lots of sex or something? Or is it just where I am older (I am 22 now). Can you have surgery on your vagina? I really want my inner lips to be made smaller. Is it possible?
— “Ugly” Betty
Dear U.B.,
Oy. Where do we start? We could write an entire book on this topic. And it would involve a lot of ranting and swear words. Let’s try for the abridged version.
First of all, the bad news about your “ugly vagina”:
We hate to say it, but yes, there are plenty of guys out there who, like your pal, use terms like “roast beef” or “kebab” to describe what they consider to be “ugly vaginas.” (Ignoramuses! The correct terminology for external female genitalia is vulvas, not vaginas, so we’ll be using that from here on out.) We wish we didn’t live in the kind of world where sexist idiots come up with insulting names for female anatomy, but damn it, we do, and much as we’d like to lie to you and tell you that all guys are just happy to get access to any vulva, no matter what it looks like, we can’t.
These same guys will probably tell you (if you ply them with enough drinks) that a so-called “ugly vagina”, where the inner lips protrude beyond the outer lips, looks that way because the woman has had too much sex. And this is why they find “imperfect” genitalia a turn-off — it makes them think the vagina has too much “mileage.”
What the double-standard fuck? Know this: they’re flat-out wrong. Sex does not make your labia “grow.” Let’s say that one more time: The size and shape of a woman’s labia has nothing to do with the number of notches on her bedpost.
But now the good news:
Just because some guys think this way, doesn’t mean they all do. Nor does it mean you have to put up with it. Say no to vulva prejudice! Here are ten things you should know that may help you fight the good fight.
1. There’s no such thing as abnormal.
Even though seedy quack operations like the Vagina “Institute” (no link for them, they’re assholes) will tell you that vulvas like yours are “abnormal,” they’re not. There’s no such thing as abnormal when it comes to labes. (Okay, maybe if you could play hackysack with your inner labia, that would be a bit abnormal.) Labia come in all shapes and sizes. Most women’s aren’t symmetrical, and it’s incredibly common for a woman’s inner labia to protrude beyond the outer labia. (It’s for this reason that we always use the terms “inner labia” and “outer labia” rather than “labia majora” and “labia minora,” which falsely represent the scale).
2. Blame porn.
You know the only place where the vast majority of vulvas do look “perfect” (i.e. the same)? Porn. And it’s for the same reason that most of the ladies in porn have big boobs: It’s a job requirement, so if they weren’t born that way, they go under the knife to get that way. It stands to reason, therefore, that guys who watch a ton of porn are more likely to have strong (and wrong) opinions about your labia. Check out this Australian (NSFW!) report on how porn is responsible for the rise in labiaplasty operations.
3. Labiaplasty schmabiaplasty.
Yes, you can have surgery on labia. And NO, YOU SHOULD NOT EVEN CONSIDER DOING THIS. If you don’t believe us, Dr. Kate says the same thing. Your labia are full of nerve endings. Every day we are inundated with letters from women saying they can’t orgasm — and you want to lessen your chances?!! Labiaplasty (that’s the “technical” term) to trim your inner lips probably won’t make sex feel better for you, and it definitely could make sex less pleasurable or even painful.
4. Love (and often mere lust) conquers all.
The more a guy is into you, the less likely he is to give a shit what your vulva looks like. Sure, there are some guys out there who have an unbending aesthetic preference, love be damned, just as there are some women out there who can’t imagine sticking it out with a guy who’s less than average-sized. But just as most women will overlook a man’s size if they’re in head over heels for the man attached to that penis, so too will most men be a-ok with your labia. Hey, it’s not the worst thing in the world to hold off on getting naked with a guy until you’re sure he likes you for more than just your genitals.
5. Can you say “nerve endings”?
Some of our best friends have classic “ugly” vaginas. And you know what? Anecdotally speaking, some of them may enjoy sex a little more because of it. Like we said, the inner labia are chock-full of nerve endings, and they encase the clitoral head, which means that during intercourse, there’s a whole lot more friction going on. Friction = stimulation = Big Os for her. So there, you vulva fascists.
6. Beauty standards are arbitrary.
You know what we think is ugly? That plucked-chicken look a vulva gets a few weeks after a full Brazilian (or sometimes even a few days after). Sure, maybe that makes us vulva fascists, too, but we’re just saying is all: Back before people started taking it all off down there, very few people stressed out about their “ugly vagina”, so far as we know. We don’t think you should necessarily opt for re-growth to “hide” your vadge — you’ve got nothing to be ashamed of — but you should know that nobody’s adult vulva looks like a little girl’s, with or without pubic hair. So stop rueing the fact that it doesn’t!
7. Girly-looking vulvas are for little girls.
And you know what? We’re kind of glad that nobody’s adult vulva looks like a little girl’s. Who wants their vulva to look like a 7-year-old’s? Or a little mini tushy on a kid?
8. The internet is NOT your friend.
Next time you’re feeling self-conscious about a body part, do NOT Google it. The Web is overrun with horny 13-year-olds who have unlimited access to porn and very limited knowledge of real women.
9. People and their body parts are diverse AF.
Libraries are supposed to be “neat.” Office cubicles are supposed to be “neat.” A lawyer’s side part is supposed to be “neat.” Your labia may be “neat,” but they aren’t necessarily supposed to be.
10. There are plenty of unfussy fish in the sea.
If, like us, you wish we didn’t live in this kind of world, then start changing it, one man at a time: Educate your guy friends. Don’t date with men who use the term “ugly vagina” and make you feel self-conscious about your vulva. Do date men who are respectful of women and seem genuinely happy to be given access to your genitals. Educate your female friends. Love your vulva.
Yes, we just lit a patchouli-scented candle.
Em & Lo
As a 29 year old guy who’s been with a decent amount of women, I can honestly say no vagina is ugly. They are all different, unique and beautiful.
Do I have a preference? Sure, I prefer there are outer lips sticking out as it reminds me I am with an adult woman and not a pre-pubescent teenager.
This whole “neat” or “roast beef” thing is just immature and stupid. If a guy mentions that, I say run as he has issues of his own.
Lets face it, The lips have to be big enough that you notice them or else it’s just like “Where’s the rest of it?”
Oh and btw,FYI. The only time i have EVER gotten off while actually having sex was with a guy who has what society says is a very small penis. So size ain’t everything guys, just saying.
Anything over 7″ fully erect and he needs to be careful how deep he goes and how fast. Cervixes usually like gentle caresses, not whambams. That shortdicked men haven’t been selected out means they work OK.
Only time you got off?
What in the fuck?…,
Ok, so I am 22. I have rather large lips too, have always been that way. I hate it. Ive actually cried. And then I had kids. They didn’t really change, at all. Ive wanted surgery as long as ive known its been out, but my husband tells me im crazy for even thinking that way. Yet he is one of those men who watch ALOT of porn, and to be honest I truly hate him for it, so we are splitting up. Anyways, I want surgery because I hate the way I look down there. I’ve made him understand that if he wants oral, I get it too. The End. But it makes me wonder if it grosses him out, I’ve only just started to let him go down on me cause of my embarrassment. He tells me I’m dumb for wanting a boob job and some work down there, yet he is consistently ruining our marriage by watching porn with girls that have naturally larg boobs and *supposedly naturally small lips. WTF do I do? Leave his hypocritical @$$ for someone else, or just stick with it feeling absolutely miserable about my self???
I realize this post is a year old BUT i just read it and have a responce i hope Divinity reads.I am a LOT older than you but I have similar issues while i like the way my lips etc… look i want a boob lift and tummy tuck REALLY BAD.My husband (He is several years YOUNGER than me)also tells me im crazy and our sex like is good!! I have tried to explaine that it is a self image thing with me of what i used to look like you know tight firm everything.Im still slim with natural DDD boobs that are not as high or firm (DAMN AGING)as they used to be and i have a tummy pooch(I HATE POOCH MOST OF ALL) After watching some porn(MY IDEA) by myselfand with him later.He was surprised i brought porn into the room as i used to find it offensive there’s that low self -esteem again. I have decided i still look pretty good and focus on the pleasure of whats going on and not that he sees my pooch or droop..Sure most of the porn stars (female as well as male)look good but some just have UGLY PARTS!!!! So Divinity if you truly hate him go find happiness for yourself(If you havent already) but if there is hope watch the porn with him ask him which ps turns him on or off and you to will see they all are NOT good bodied beauties.
Unless one is a real sickoperv, regular porn showing people who are basically normal having the usual varieties of sex is all they will want. It gets tiresome pretty quick, so if someone is watching it’s for hours a day, week after month after year, there’s something wrong. If they go for torture, mutilation, murder I’d watch out.
I get this is old but I’m going to respond anyways. I’m married to a man who loves porn and it created a lot of insecurity. He refers to my vagina as roast beef and my boobs as pancakes. Then one day I got tired of hating my body. Fuck him. Constant porn creates messed up expectations and it’s him who has the problem not you. I love my body. I’m young and decently attractive and I love my saggy boobs and large labia and I know there are plenty of men that love them too. I’ve had 4 kids and love myself more than I ever have. Don’t care about what your man thinks. Love your body.
@Becca
Don’t listen to Dexter. He’s just an older guy still trying to get into the pants of young women, and he’s playing on your insecurities. For God’s sakes, he even recommended that if you are in your mid-teens (MID-TEENS!) to find a much older man! WTH? Stay with the young men while you can–the older man is automatically better myth is just that, a myth.
I don’t know your exact age, but to give you some perspective, I have large, protruding inner labia, more than the 3cm you say you have. I had three lovers in my late teens to mid-twenties (the same age as I). All three of them were absolutely enthralled with my pussy. None of them were put off in the slightest. Just the opposite, actually. I know that for two of them, mine were the first large ones they had ever encountered, and all three went crazy for them.
If you’re really worried, wait for someone you love, who loves you (yes, the old love thing is still alive and well and still makes a difference). And the guy you had sex with, who said it was amazing? Believe him! Light’s off or not, he knows what you have, and how he felt.
Just gotta say I loved your post Anna, I really dig your self confidence and your don’t give a shit attitude. Huge turn on for us guys. Nothing better than a woman is proud of what she’s got and isn’t afraid to show it.
I def would be one of those guys that was “enthralled” with those lips for sure.
Ladies, stop being so sensitive and kick these jack asses to the curb that aren’t happy with what you got because I am sure there’s plenty of other guys that would go ape shit for you.
just my two cents.
And Mike, we dig your attitude!
Genitalia is for function… not aesthetic appeal.
Of course male & female genitalia is weird and gross at first… but after a while you get used to it and even recognize what a good looking genitalia looks like.
I’m bisexual and there are some very attractive penises & vaginas out there.
There’s only 1 word for a woman’s genital parts. “Pussy”. You are not a real man if u don’t like them all. Female is female. The most beautiful creatures this world has to offer. There’s nothing more I could possibly want if all in this world were lost. “Pussy”. I love em big, small, fat, skinny, loose, tight, clean, and dirty. Depends on my mood. Any man that can’t agree with that is a “pussy”. And that’s all I have to say about that. Grow up & grow a pair u losers who don’t like certain types of the most gorgeous thing ever created in the universe!!!!!
If only a single woman felt the same way about penis…
Some of us do…but society doesn’t encourage it. They call women names if we admit to liking penises. That’s another good topic for this forum, by the way.
^ Captain White Knight to the rescue!
Never fear ladies, the Captain is here to make sure you all feel better about your ugly vaginas.
No woman will ever feel the sting of sexual rejection or vaginal denigration whilst Captain White Knight is here!
You are all beautiful! There is no such thing as an ugly vagina. Just ugly boys who cant handle the supremeness of your vagina.
Now, here is my phone number (xxx-xxxxx) just in case those evil meanies ever talk badly of your vagina again. I will sort them out for you!
For i am Captain White Knight! Here for your protection and console!
Captain White Knight, welcome, we are so happy to have you here!
Oh! Thanks my self esteem boost! I’m ashamed with my so called ugly vagina but the fuck! It has a name and it was so called FATTY VAGINA LIP , I have it and my partner always says ” its not ugly , its beautiful ” but obviously fatty is not that beautiful . Its ugly , yeah I have it but I admit it too , that it was ugly . But they say ” Be what your vulva was meant to be ” . Just be thankful you have vulva or what you so called vagina ! Your a human! And a human has a right to be respected .
This made me feel better about myself until I started reading the comments. I have large inner labia and I have always been ashamed of it. I had a guy tell me that I was gross and he didn’t like the meat. Every time he would look at me down there he would get sick. I had myself pierced to maybe boost my confidence a little bit but to no avail. My husband now wont perform oral sex on me and it kills me because I feel it’s because of my horrible lady parts. Please help?
In solidarity. You are amazing labia included. One day the coveted rare labia shall be remembered to be the most lovely labia of all. We are only renting these bodies anyways, so love what you have, degradation of any given piece or part only serves to hurt our souls. It could be a test, only those with appreciation and empathy are allowed anywhere near my vagina. All we endure are simply lessons, love yourself and others in kind. Rock lengthy labia as exotic and sought after rare delicacy. U are perfect
Mine (said labia), have been known to cause suffering in my mind and heart. Freedom= at least no one can partake without admission (better than ugly face, etc.) Worse would be a tiny penis(so sorry to any with that predicament) and certainly many are longer and weirder than mine. All are worthy. Fuck all this shaming
ps I got to thinking the tightest vagina I ever had the girls inner labia stuck out about an inch And a half past her Outer labia
…hate to say, but probably because her extra long inner labia went inside of her vagina making it seem tighter. I not only have long inner labia, but that whole “they’re so sensitive…don’t get ps” is something people should speak only for themselves about. Mine are almost completely numb except from where they attach to my body to about a quarter inch down. All my labia do are get in the way and cause pain because they go inside my body sometimes and the area where there is sensation feels pinched…plus my inner labia absolutely do not get wet and are paper thin and see thru when stretched so it causes painful lubrication issues. Not to mention no one has EVER found my inner labia “normal” and neither do I. I believe this particular blog post goes a little far (as other similar sites) in trying to convince women there is no “abnormal” or no “issue” when there is a spectrum of normal and some of us go to the far negative end of that spectrum.
*edit*
…when there is a spectrum of normal and NOT normal and more than just a few of us go to the far negative end of that spectrum…
whoever don’t like large inner labia are stupid I can’t get enough of them think of it this way would you rather eat a big ole juicy steak or a little piece of balogna because large labia is like the steak big juicy delicious and you cant get enough
I AM FREAKED OUT! haha i am not even thinking about having sex.. i mean at all. never have. but i feel like so scared of my biger lips. i hate it.. i just want to cut them off myself! i want to go in the army.. people are going to see me naked and see the lips too. i dont understand why guys say something is loose? i thought that ment on the inide and on the opening.. anyway.. i guess i just want to hear from someone.. i dont want to spend my whole life with this stupid weight that wont go away on my sholders. i feel like if i loose my verginity then i will have nothing left thats special about me..
Well I also fall into the ugly category. Like many I have seen women on porn and asked my partner bout the look. Along with my boyfriend and some other male friends I was told small vuvlas my look neat but “ugly” feels better. So the term “bigger is better” works for us too ladies. I was informed that the larger vuvla adds more suction when the thrust is on the outward motion. Such as using a hand while giving a man oral. Lets face it a man’s to gonna be showing his friends your whoha so I’m thinking once a man finds that pleasure he is not honna care much about it looks like , exspecially when we have to look at there hurry one eyed creature.
I get that this article is trying to raise the self esteem with those women who consider their labias ugly because the inner lips are longer than the outter but I feel a little discouraged by the overall conclusion. I am fortunate enough to have what society considers a ‘beautiful’ female genitalia (thanks mum and dad) and here
It’s like I’m supposed to feel ashamed for having the stereotypical porn vag. Every girls privates are both beautiful and kinda gross but that’s what we got, someone fix this article
i know this is a year old, but good grief you are so obviuosly passively bragging. Get over youself. “Someone fix this article?” Puleeeze. It’s not aimed at you sweety, look at the title: Reasons your *UGLY* Vagina is normal and gorgeous. Your whining would be valid if the title were Reasons your PERFECT (thanks mom and dad) Vagina is Normal…
@ Fox:
You just admitted to preferring the genitals of children. Congrats, you’re a pedophile.
What REALLY pisses me off is all the girl sites who tell girls that it’s ok to prefer a bigger or thicker penis. Those sites “empower” girls to embrace and appreciate larger and thicker penises without emphasizing the fact that unless the guy is miniscule, sex can be just as enjoyable if the guy is 5″ or 9″.
So,I am proud to say that I love the “pretty” vaginas, The ones without meat curtains, the ones that look 7 years old! And I hope this gives girls as many sleepless nights as I have had worrying about a 5″ penis that is very tiny soft but becomes the smaller side of normal when hard.
Finally, payback for all the dick jokes!
Note: This comment is not to comfort nor anger you, hence my chosen nickname. If anything, it’s to help someone or at least offer further feedback from someone sincere and fairly young (30) yet mature in the matter.
I personally prefer 4.5 to 5 inches; another of my numerous vaginal flaws is a very shallow vagina. And, for me, a “normal/large/huge/etc” dick (thankfully, Ive only had to deal with one and one time only) not only hurts but does nothing for vaginal orgasms, which I pretty much depend on since the clit just doesn’t do much for me and have never gotten of orally nor via direct stimulation to it.
With that said, you (or whoever is similar to op and reading this) come off as so bitter and really need to get out there and find a girl who doesn’t want to just “fuck”. Otherwise, you will be sleepless and resentful of women forever and miss out on love–which by the tone of this post, it is implied that you don’t even want that, you just want sex with an abnormally tiny vagina.
Also, furthermore, as I mentioned in my first post, I have “meat curtains” and am embarrassed of my vagina b/c of guys just like you–ones who aren’t are far and few between if not non-existent since the advent of porn and extreme sexual liberation, not to mention the internet.
Hope you can bother yourself to read up on real anatomy, not internet posts and shallow girl/guy talk from those who don’t know shit about it, because actually a little “meat” (not what I have, different boat all together) makes the vagina feel better to a “small” man…and when you say “5 inches”…omg that is just soooo frickin tiny. Seriously, look up stats from the 1930’s up and you’ll see that particular legnth’s nothing to cry about.
Sounds to me your issue is girth and again your claim that “pretty” meat-curtainless 7-year-old looking vaginas are your thing (…I love….you said) and so I’m calling BS on that crapola b/c when the inner labia is spread wide apart, penetration is much “slicker” and feels looser to the woman AND man.
Your post is over a year old, and I’m *almost* certain you won’t be reading this; however, for others like you who see your ignorant, resentful, misguided, frustrated, and downright saddening post can also see my rebuttal and if the reader has any desire to seek truth and re-examine their sexual insecurities and issues, it *could* be helpful.
If nothing else, my reply could (deserving-ly) incite further rage into the pig headed misogynists who insist all women are alike and that the attainabliity of meaningful relationships with the opposite sex with “less than the norm” equipment is a phallacy (pun definitely intended.)
END OF FILE. ENOUGH ALREADY.
It is because it’s trendy to level insults at the male penis. Its rather popular making fun of the size or sexual performance of men!
Also, you may have just stumbled upon this notion, but women are allowed to express a sexual preference. Thats called Grrrl Power!!
Men however, are not allowed to express any sexual preference as this renders you a shallow and superficial person. You must accept women as they are lest it upsets their sensibilities.
Hence the ‘feel good’ article above and subsequent White Knighting in the comments section.