All posts by Em & Lo

Halloween Is for Role-Playing: 6 Easy Ways to Make It Happen!
  |  
Chime in!

photo via flickr

If you hate karaoke and public speaking is one of your greatest fears, then the whole idea of acting out your fantasies probably sounds about as appealing as, well, karaoke and public speaking. If that’s you, then you can use Halloween to gently test the sexual benefits of role-playing. It’s the perfect excuse to become someone else for the night, which ultimately means having sex like someone else: trying new positions, using new props, saying new, dirty (or dirtier) things…

  1. Make sure you’ve got a costume party to go to — a legitimate excuse to dress up will help motivate you.
  2. Wear something out of character that makes you feel sexy and use it as an excuse to act a little differently — no one will think you’re weird, they’ll just think you’re committing to the costume. So if you tend to be a wallflower in your daily life, then try an outfit that’s empowering, like “police officer” or “royalty.” If you’re a career-minded, tough-talking go-getter, then try something a little more vulnerable, like Little Red Riding Hood or a retro newsie.
  3. Add a bit of customization to your costume. How, you ask? Suppose you are planning to dress like Little Red Riding Hood, then get a red hood. Designing your own costume is the key to looking unique. You can add some beautiful applique patches and machine embroidery designs that say “I love the Wolf” (just for fun and more dramatic effect).
  4. Try to coordinate costumes with your partner so your sexy vampire doesn’t end up hand-in-hand with a decidedly unsexy homemade garbage bag of M&Ms. You two should be on the same page.
  5. Costumes that help create or emphasize a certain sexual power dynamic are good choices: doctor/nurse and patient, priest and nun, soldier and interrogator, police officer and lawbreaker, Victorian schoolmarm and school girl/boy, cheerleader, star football player, or anime characters. Create an alluring costume with dresses, shoes, makeup with colored contact lenses. You could get colored contact lenses from online stores such as Coleyes and similar others, to make the best out of your outfit, and your night!
  6. When you get home with your partner, keep the costume on and stay in character while you start making out. You don’t necessarily need a script and a specific scenario to act out: an outfit can be enough to affect the way you touch, kiss, and talk. The stupendous sex will practically happen by itself. And then you’ll be a convert.

Is your guy a costume party pooper?
How to Get Him to Dress Up for Halloween

MORE LIKE THIS
 
How to Have Sex with a Vampire*
 
Wise Guys: How Can I Get Him to Dress Up for Halloween?
 
Your Call: Can He Skip the Couples Costume This Halloween?
 
And Now for Something Truly Terrifying
How to Have Sex with a Vampire*
  |  
5
Chime in!

vampire_fangsphoto by dreamglow

  1. Don’t eat any garlic for at least 72 hours beforehand.
  2. Don’t give blood for at least a month beforehand: you’ll need all your reserves.
  3. Get your blood work done beforehand and make sure you bring condoms: while the undead can’t give you any STDs, infections you might have (especially blood-borne infections) can make for an unpleasant experience for your vampire.
  4. Remove any cross necklaces.
  5. Avoid aggressive French kissing, lest you nick your tongue on their teeth (if you’ve ever bitten your own tongue, you’ll understand how painful this can be).
  6. Request that your biting coincide with an orgasm — the rush of endorphins will help ease any pain, plus your increased heart rate will feel extra nice to your vampire.
  7. Audible moaning to show you’re enjoying this pleasure-pain is always appreciated by a vampire.
  8. Make sure you pack a snack (like a juice box and cookies) to eat immediately afterward to help with any wooziness.
  9. Expect to be kicked out before sun up, and don’t take it personally.
  10. Have a turtleneck or scarf on hand to wear home.

*For those of you one newt’s eye short of a witch’s brew, the above is Halloween fiction and is not intended as actual sex advice. You should not be breaking skin or letting anyone break your skin during sex: gentle hickeys are the best you can hope for. Happy Halloween!

• This post is a part of Sundance Channel’s Naked Love Blog
• Get the Naked Love RSS feed


Your Call: Is 19 Too Young to Relocate for Love?
  |  
14
Chime in!


Dear Em & Lo,
I’m 19 years old, and have been dating my boyfriend for eight months. However, we live 3 hours away from each other.  This hasn’t caused any problems yet, we get to see each other most weekends and the relationship is going great.  We fit together perfectly in all aspects of our relationship.  Lately I’ve been thinking of transferring to the university that he attends. It wouldn’t be until next fall, but I feel like this relationship is really going somewhere.  My mom says if it’s meant to be that it will work out without us going to the same school, but I’m not sure I want to take this risk.  She also says eight months or even a year is not a long time, and I don’t agree with her.  I’ve been hearing that I’m too young to know that I’m in love, but I can tell you I have never cared for a man this much.  Should I stick it out and stay three hours away and risk the distance taking its toll on our relationship, or should I take the risk and transfer, knowing there’s always that possibility that things might not work out?
— Don’t Call It Puppy Love

 

 

Can’t see the poll? Click here to take it.

MORE LIKE THIS
 
How Long Can a Virgin Make a Guy Wait?
 
My Husband, a Selfish Lover, Won’t Even Try to Give Me an Orgasm
 
Your Call: He’s Kinky, She’s Vanilla, Is the Relationship Doomed?
 
Your Call: Do We Need Male Reproductive Rights?
CALLING ALL TWILIGHT-OBSESSED MOMS!
  |  
Chime in!

twilight_vampire_kissphoto from Summit Entertainment

We’re looking for women, specifically mothers, in the greater NYC area who have a secret or shameless obsession with Twilight — either the books or the movies or the whole Bella-Edward-Jacob industrial complex. We want to know why it’s so compelling, whether it’s a guilty pleasure, and how it’s affected your relationships. Have you been involved with dedicated fan sites or books clubs? If you or someone you know has read all four books, is anxiously awaiting New Moon’s theatrical release, or has a picture of Robert Pattinson on her fridge, please contact us via this form and we’ll be in touch soon to dish!

Wise Guys: Do Men Notice What Women Wear?
  |  
7
Chime in!

models_runway_fashionphoto by Art Comments

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: “Do guys care about what a woman wears, or is she basically just dressing to impress herself and her fellow females (and perhaps her gay friends)?“

Straight Single Guy (Chris): Yes we do. We don’t necessarily care about brand names, the latest or most expensive bags and shoes, or the subtleties of this seasons’ whatevers. We do however, care how our partner looks, what type of style she has, what people think of her, and of course, her sexiness vs. librarian-ness. I think we all want our partners to look attractive to other people, but not appear to be a contestant on “Rock of Love.” We appreciate a girl who can dress appropriately as the situation requires — everything from the right clothes to wear to a football game to the right thing to wear out to a nice restaurant. That means dressing up and dressing down, all while maintaining the right balance between sexy and conservative. (I hate the word “classy” by the way.) There is nothing worse than someone who takes hours to get ready, only to be way too dressed up for the situation. And GOD FORBID you try to tell her…

Straight Married Guy (James Glazebrook): A little from column A, a little from column B. Guys do care about what a woman wears, but the most attractive women don’t care what men (or anyone else) think — they dress for themselves. And I don’t mean the frumps who’ve resigned themselves to a life in sweats and sneaks. No, the best dressed (and therefore hottest) women are well aware of the signals their clothes send out — they just use them to broadcast something different. I’m a sucker for sharp masculine tailoring, the pierced pin-up look… anything that says, “I’m my own person, I don’t need you — but if we got together it could be interesting.”

Gay Married Guy (Jon Ross): Honey, ladies ain’t spending billions on sexy get-ups every year to impress their girlfriends (unless they’re lesbians, and even then. . .). Yes, some women dress to impress for everyone, but others (many) are aiming to attract people of the xy persuasion, and we men are taking notice. Sure, most men may not notice that fabulous contrasting trim on your blouse or how amazing your bag and shoes look together, but they can tell when a woman puts effort into her appearance, and they appreciate it. Granted, I am that “gay friend,” so I’m probably not the most reliable source on this topic.

Our “guys” are a rotating group of contributors. This week’s Straight Married Guy is James Glazebrook of Manflet, our Straight Single Guy isChris DiClerico, and our Gay Married Guy is Jon Ross. To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Study: Housework Increases Sex No Matter Who Mops
  |  
3
Chime in!

porn_for_women_houseworkphoto from Porn for Women

It’s long been a given in the sex advice biz that dudes who break out the vacuum cleaner every once in a while are more likely to get laid. Even some guys who look for the Best Robot Vacuum cleaner have a good chance of getting some. Having a partner interested in taking part in the cleaning shows their level of commitment to the relationship and the respect they have for their partner. It also shows their own personal hygiene and gives women a glimpse of what will be in store for them should they decide to continue with the relationship. Of course, there are other reasons too.

We typically fight such Men-are-from-Mars-Women-are-from-Venus stereotypes, but we’ve heard too much anecdotal evidence to ignore this one. It’s not that watching a man iron is an actual turn-on — though there are exceptions, of course — but more that many women find it hard to get in the mood for sex if they’re annoyed that their partner isn’t pulling his weight in the domestic chores department. For these women, accessing the libido is a matter of clearing the deck of all potential distractions — clutter in the room, to-do lists, a buzzing Blackberry, body image issues, dirty dishes, petty spousal frustrations, etc. But it turns out that it’s not just guys who should mop a little more often: A new study has found that, for men and women alike, the more housework you do, the more likely you are to have sex with your partner.

Read the rest of this post on SUNfiltered

Blog Snog: Books, Body Language & Best Friend Boinking
  |  
Chime in!

mad_men_lady_chatterlyA weekly roundup of some of our favorite sex- and love-related posts from various blogs and websites:

A Post-Coital Tweet Is the New Cigarette
  |  
5
Chime in!

photo via flickr

A new study has found that 36% of people under the age of 35 Tweet, text, or check Facebook right after sex. For the over-35 group, that figure drops to only 8%. Are we totally giving away which side of the 35 dividing line we are located on when we say, Seriously, people? That’s really what you want to waste your post-coital warm fuzzy glow on? (The study also found that 40% of under-35′s and 9% of over-35′s Tweet/text/Facebook while driving. WTF? But that’s another rant for another blog.)

Anyway, back to the post-coital social networking. The survey also found that iPhone users are three times as likely to do this than Blackberry types. We’d like to believe this is because the iPhone is a sexier object to bring into the bedroom than a Blackberry — we may be over 35, but you’ll have to pry our iPhones out of our cold, dead hands (that said, neither of us has ever brought an iPhone into the bedroom).

So are modern young things sitting up in bed together after a good sesh, each reviewing the other’s performance for their social network? Are they bragging? Complaining? Sharing tips? Or just chatting about last night’s Gossip Girl plot-twist? We can’t decide which would be worse. One thing we know for sure: The study showed that guys are twice as likely as gals to use social media after sex, which means that plenty of dudes are updating their status when their sex partner leaves the room to pee.

We see the future of sex, and we don’t like it one bit: We’ll be forced to dish sex advice like, “Next time someone’s going down on you and you feel like their attention is wandering, why not lift the covers just to make sure they’re not Tweeting?”

MORE LIKE THIS
 
Highlights from #YesAllWomen
 
Our Favorite #MensRightsMovies on Twitter This Week
 
The Best of #WifeBonus on Twitter This Week
 
How to Ruin a Date in 5 Words
Time Freaking Magazine Covers Green Sex Toys
  |  
1
Chime in!

earth_angel_vibeEarth Angel Hand-Powered Vibe

Damn it! Why, or why, didn’t we get off our asses and pitch Time the “Sex and the Eco City” piece in this week’s issue? It’s all stuff we’ve covered before!, on this site and in our 2006 book Sex Toy: An A-Z Guide to Bedside Accessories — but that was back when sex toys were still “dirty.” Oh well. Maybe there’s still time to pitch the New York Times.

Read the full post on SUNfiltered

Living Together 7 Years = Common Law Married?
  |  
1
Chime in!

wedding_ring_421photo by adactio

Our friend Robin Epstein and her sister Amy Epstein Feldman just wrote a hilarious (not to mention helpful) book called So Sue Me, Jackass! Avoiding Legal Pitfalls That Can Come Back to Bite You at Work, at Home, and at Play. Over the past three weeks, we’ve published excerpts answering questions like “Can you get sued if you break someone’s penis during sex?” and “If you get married while drunk, does it count?” This week we’ll learn about common law marriage — is it real or just an urban myth? Stay tuned for one final excerpt next week.

Q: My best friend and her boyfriend, let’s call him “Peter Pan,” have been living together for ten years but he won’t propose because (1) commitment scares him and (2) he’s a yutz who won’t grow up. But my friend says she doesn’t mind because they’ve lived together for seven years so now they’re “common law married” anyway. Is that right?

(more…)

Halloween Haiku Contest *Deadline Passed*
  |  
3
Chime in!

halloween_zombies_kissphoto by zenobia joy

We’ve teamed up with the UK sex toy store LoveHoney this Halloween to give you the chance to win one of their “Death by Orgasm” vibes: “Experience the most intense ‘La Petite Mort’ with this amazingly powerful bullet! Supplied in a cute coffin case.” It comes in black, natch. So send us one or more haikus (you know the drill: 5-7-5) that combine love and/or sex with the macabre in honor of Halloween by end of day next Tuesday, October 27th via this form with your mailing address (which will be kept private, cross our hearts), and you could be one of 10 winners of a “Death by Orgasm” — with those kind of odds, you’re almost guaranteed to win if you simply enter and get the syllable count right. (Though cleverness and creativity will count for something.) Winners, you won’t get the vibe by Halloween, but your winning haikus will be posted on Thursday, October 29th in time to spread the horror for the holiday (which is practically prize enough).

FYI: The winner of our Green Porno Season Three Contest is Anna from Pennsylvania — congrats! And thanks to all who submitted entries (though next time, please follow directions and include your mailing addresses!).

Confession: I Need More Hot Sweaty . . . Cuddling
  |  
10
Chime in!

cuddle_hug_spoonphoto by Leeni

Speaking of casual cuddling: Our contributor Abby Spector, who is double-majoring in English and Feminine/Gender/Sexuality Studies at Wesleyan University, has a confession to make:

It has been exactly a year since I last had sex. I didn’t intend on taking a vow of celibacy. Like belly button lint and shocking celebrity deaths (RIP Jacko et al), it just happened. My libido turned off. Kaput. I don’t miss the bruised hipbones, condom debates, or dirty sheets. Hell, I don’t even miss the whole penis and vagina part. All I want is a sweaty body pressed against mine. Unfortunately, it is hard, daresay impossible, to get passionate cuddling sans sexual intercourse. Believe me. I’ve tried.

I wasn’t always like this. I used to be the exact opposite. Sex was food and I was starving — starving for stimulation and pleasure, maturity and companionship, confidence and assurance. Sex eased my insecurities (or so I thought). In those moments, I didn’t realize I was using intercourse for this purpose. Reflection came post-coital. It could be days, weeks, even months, but the conclusion was always the same — I regretted sleeping with the person. (more…)

When Your Booty Call Wants to Spoon
  |  
8
Chime in!

bed_feet_from_metroPicture from our debut column in Metro

For some people, casual sex is no longer the sole goal of a booty call; casual intimacy has come into (the) play.

We call this The Free Trial: Some people can sample cheese in Whole Foods and keep on shopping, while others immediately purchase five pounds of super-aged gouda. And so with relationships: Some people like a small nibble of relationship — a bit of cuddling and hand-holding here, a bit of brunch with the crossword there — but it doesn’t make them crave an entire block of commitment. You can tempt them with free trials ’til the cows come home, but that might be just enough to sate them.

Unfortunately, cutting off the supply doesn’t change their behavior, either: some people just don’t need cheese in their lives the way others do (at least, not yet). Especially when there’s fro-yo next door and artisanal fudge across the street.

(more…)

Naked News: Pot-Smoking Hippies & Tina Fey’s Cherry
  |  
Chime in!

smoking_potphoto via The U.S. National Archives

Read the rest of this post on SUNfiltered

Your Call: The Crazy Case of the Stray Blonde Hair
  |  
5
Chime in!

blonde_hair_ponytailphoto by westerndave

When you write an advice column, you get some, shall we say, interesting questions. “How can I get our golden retriever to have sex with my wife while I watch?” Or “Can I get an STD from having sex with the corpses at the funeral home where I work?” We usually don’t dignify those toad-lickin’ crazy ones with an answer. But sometimes we get questions that are a bit kinder and gentler in the insane department that still freak us out a little. This week’s “Your Call” question falls into that category:

I recently started dating a guy and also started the NuvaRing birth control. As I was taking it out, I noticed that there was a hair wrapped around it and it wasn’t mine or anyone I knew. Everyone I know has brown hair, and this was really blonde hair. Should I suspect him of cheating? And if so, how do I go about bringing it up to him?

Um, so, what do you think?