Timely couples costumes are always a hit. And the odder, the better. Political is always risky, but you can probably pull it off. So here are some last minute couples costumes for 2017. As always, do NOT change the shade of your skin (except in the case of creepy clown white). Happy Halloween!
1. Trump Puppet & Putin Puppeteer
The world’s greatest power couple.
3. Kendall Jenner with a Pepsi & Riot Police Officer
Go as the worst commercial of 2017.
4. NFL Player & American Flag Patriot
5. Martha Stewart & Snoop Dogg
This unexpected duo was Emmy-freaking-nominated!
6. Wonder Woman & Doctor Poison
Two strong women with very different values.
7. Two Cats with Plates & Call Bells
Two cats playing dueling call bells — the viral sensation of the year!
8. Kellyanne Clownway & Anthony Scarymucci
Inspired by the SNL skit, one person does Pennywise makeup with a blonde wig while the other wears bronzer, mirrored shades, a pale blue tie and fangs to go as that vampire, The Mooch.
Three things always seem like a good idea when you’re drunk: Having another drink, going to Mickey D’s, and texting your most recent ex. You wake the next morning with a pounding head, a roiling stomach, and a cringing feeling as you scroll messages on your phone. And there they are: Sixteen rambling texts to your ex at 3:10 a.m., followed by thirteen texts to your best friend at 3:17 a.m., and then two more to your ex again. You remember only the first one.
Common knowledge (a.k.a. your best friend) would have it that these texts are a Very Bad Idea. High on truth serum, you say things you’d never say sober. You say things you didn’t say at the break-up, either because you were too broken-hearted, or too concerned with your ex’s broken heart. You say things that are far too messy to say at the time of the actual split, like “Can I come over?” or, “I hate you! Can I come over?”
But it’s the messiness that makes most break-ups bearable. (What did you think all those nighttime and weekend minutes were for, anyway?) Drunk-dialing is a relationship amnesty where all rules of appropriate behavior are called off, where nothing spilled requires a morning-after apology or explanation. It’s a pay-as-you-go conversation that rarely affects the long-term outcome of things (the immediate short-term is a whole other story), though it does take the edge off such soul-crushing activities as dividing property and debating pet custody. It offers the texter a cathartic release. And even if you’re mortified the next day, that humiliation often helps move the all-important “closure” process along (whether you want it to or not…whether you like it or not).
Of course, sometimes the call IS a bad idea. Sometimes it’s too early, or too late, or already too messy for an amnesty chat. And that’s when you install the Drunk Mode app on your phone: it allows you to hide certain contacts on your phone, before you get drunk, for up to 12 hours. But even that takes discipline you might not have, especially after a brutal breakup. It may be better to hand your phone over to a trusted designated dialer on those crazy late nights out. Or better yet, muster up 1-second’s worth of courage to delete your ex’s number for good.
Em’s six year old is a cool, creative kid who occasionally likes to wear nail polish and hair dye. He also happens to be a boy. This — surprise, surprise! — means he’s been teased multiple times at school for it with the refrain “Only girls do that!” It’s a narrow world-view based on traditional, stereotypical, and often arbitrary gender roles that’s passed down from parents to their kids, then regurgitated on playgrounds, and spread like a case of lice among impressionable children grappling with identity-formation:
If I’m a boy, and boys don’t wear nail polish (play with dolls/talk about their feelings/express sad emotions), then I guess I can never wear nail polish (play with dolls/talk about my feelings/express sad emotions). Better start making fun of any boys breaking the ‘rules’!
But come on, what kid wouldn’t want to wear nail polish if given the freedom to?
When Em’s awesome, lilac-haired, tattooed sister-in-law Kat caught wind of the situation, she wrote this:
Aside from wanting to murder, my heart broke for the little guy. I know he’ll be fine but I made this for him, and his sister too, just as a little extra reminder that there are some bad ass guys out there with super cool hair and painted nails!
Attached was the below graphic. It’s a tribute to creative expression, fierce originality, and social bravery — all qualities we should encourage our kids not to make fun of but to embrace!
One of the most common questions we receive from heterosexual women is, “How can I orgasm in bed with my partner?” The really demanding ones want to know how to orgasm simultaneously, during penetration, every time. If this is you, then sorry, you’re out of luck; if we knew the answer to that question, we’d be richer than Oprah! Sex is complicated, and so many factors influence individuals and individual sexual sessions, that there are no guarantees. BUT! Here are 10 thingswe do know that will help increase your chances of orgasmic success with a partner…
1. Stop Thinking of Sex as Intercourse
Are you assuming that “sex” means penile penetration? If so, that’s your first mistake. Maybe you’ve tried many intercourse positions, but it’s not necessarily an intercourse position that will ultimately do it for you — maybe it’s oral sex, or handwork, or some combination of the two. There’s no shame in getting your orgasm via non-intercourse means — the majority of women don’t. Nor is there any shame in you having your orgasm and then him having his. Remember, sex — especially for women — doesn’t necessarily happen in a straight line, i.e. your orgasm won’t necessarily be located conveniently at his finish line, or vice versa. Plus, it may be easier for you as a gal with lady bits to keep going after a Big O than it is for him with a male member. And you may find that certain intercourse positions feel even better (perhaps even orgasmic) after you’ve had one orgasm.
2. Give Attention to the Clitoral Network
Again, intercourse alone is orgasmic for a minority of women, given how far the exposed part of the clitoris is from the vaginal opening — and how key clitoral head stimulation is for most women’s orgasms. So don’t forget to supplement all those positions with a little extra stimulation at the apex of the vulva, whether with your hand, his hand, a small vibrator, a helpful neighbor’s hand…
Learn it, live it, love it. In fact, any position where your bodies are mashed up against each other is good — because close contact means more friction down there, and more friction down there means more stimulation for her: clitoral and vulvar.
4. Try a Vibrating Love Ring
Like this one from LELO. Or this one from GoodVibes. Because vibrating clitoral stimulation could be just the thing your intercourse life has been missing. You know all those times a dude looks at a traditional vibrator and thinks, “Hey, mypenis doesn’t vibrate like that? No fair!” Well, now the playing field has been evened.
5. Show Your Partner How It’s Done
If you can orgasm on your own, try playing a little show-and-tell, teaching your partner how to mimic the thing(s) you do. Be specific. But remember: there are still some guys who don’t like being told what to do, who think that sex should come naturally and that getting tips from you is emasculating. If that’s not a deal breaker for you, then treat delicate egos gently, but not at the expense of asking for what you want/need.
And remember, just because your personal road to orgasm may not involve intercourse doesn’t mean the orgasm doesn’t count. Please refer back to #1.
6. Masturbate, Masturbate, Masturbate
If, on the other hand, you can’t orgasm on your own, then scratch everything else we’ve said for now and start masturbating! Often! Treat yourself to a nice vibrator, dim the lights, think some sexy thoughts and let the love flow. Because in our nearly twenty years of dishing sex advice, most women we’ve spoken to find it easier to learn solo first.
Even if you can orgasm on your own, it’s a good idea to mix up your masturbation practice. Try different strokes, pressures, rhythms — stuff that you might be able to incorporate easily during partner seshes.
7. Sex Toys Are Your Friend
If your partner is the jealous type, remind them that sex toys don’t cuddle and they’re useless at pillow talk. In addition to vibrating love rings, there are tons of other great toys for couples, like finger toys (which can really turn hand work up to eleven) and small pebble-like vibrators, which can nestle comfortably between your bodies.
8. Incorporate Lube
Have you lubed today? Remember, purpose-made lubricant is not a crutch and using it doesn’t mean you’re not that into the sex. In fact, lube is one of the greatest bedside accessories we know. Using lube means that your sensitive parts are less likely to get over-sensitive while you’re trying out various different hand, tongue, toy, and intercourse techniques. And you’ll avoid rug burn!
9. Try Not to Over-Think Your Orgasm
It sounds impossible, we know, but the more you stress about your happy ending, the less likely it is to happen. Sure, keep experimenting, and try out everything we’ve suggested here — but try not to think about this as a mission to O. Rather, it’s a mission to improve your sex life. Because orgasms are kind of like bad boys — the more you ignore them, the more likely they are to show up.
10. Finally, Be Patient
Just because your orgasm hasn’t made an appearance yet, doesn’t mean it won’t. Orgasms are mysterious things and sometimes things just click into place one day. Hey, long-term monogamy has got to have its benefits, otherwise we’d never enjoy the pleasure of board games.
We hate to sound like a self-help book (what color is your parachute, anyway?), but when it comes to sex, the journey is meant to be at least half the fun. Of course every woman has the right to an orgasm with her partner, and we understand our readers’ frustration. You should definitely be demanding, but don’t forget to appreciate your relationship, too, because having a good time together is the best foundation for having an orgasmic time together.
It’s Halloween time, when every network piles on the scary movies. We’re not ones for blood and gore, but give us a good love story, and we’ll happily take a fright or two. Not that these ten flicks are all that frightening, or blood-curdling, or horrifying — they’re mostly pretty tame compared to the usual October fare. (The scariest thing about this list is the prevalence of bad 80s hairdos and synth pop throughout.) No, these 10 films probably won’t turn your blood cold; instead, they’ll warm your heart.
By the way, as a matter of principal, we left off the Twilight trilogy completely — not only did we use romance as a criteria, we used quality, too. Warning: spoilers ahead!
1. Bram Stoker’s Dracula
A lot of people like to claim that Francis Ford Coppola’s 1992 rendition of the 19th century novel is the truest to the book, despite the fact the entire love story between Dracula and Mina — the central element of the movie — was nowhere in Stoker’s manuscript! (And there certainly wasn’t any half-man half-beast date rape in the novel, either.) But that doesn’t make the flick any less romantic: A guy who forsakes God, becomes a vampire, and waits 400 plus years just to be with you again? That’s not scary, that’s sweet. (What’s scary are Keanu Reeves’ and Winona Ryder’s horrendous British accents.)
2. The Corpse Bride
Tim Burton’s 2005 stop-motion animated fantasy details the Victorian era love triangle between a shy woman (Emily Watson), her awkward fiance whom she’s just met (Johnny Depp), and the ghost who wants to marry him herself (Helena Bonham Carter). Having been killed on her wedding day, ghost Emily is eternally always a bridesmaid, never a bride — but when she finally gets the chance to tie the knot, she realizes that when you love someone you have to set them free. Awwwwwww! Honorable mention goes to Burton’s Nightmare before Christmas for the love story between Jack Skellington, the Pumpkin King, and animated rag doll Sally — their duet in the final scene is one of the sweetest love songs ever:
3. Let the Right One In
What’s a vampire trapped in a 12 year old’s body supposed to do when her long-time life-partner dies to protect her? Find a new life-partner! There’s something so compelling about the innocence of a first crush, especially when you know the relationship will ultimately end (in this case, in blood, pain and death). Love — and the crazy (i.e. totally fucked up) things people both young and old will do for it — is a major theme here that’s hauntingly realized. Go for the Swedish version over the American one.
4. Ghost
The Dirty Dancing of ghost stories, this 1990 film is most famous for the threeway scene between Patrick Swayze, Demi Moore, and Whoopie Goldberg. Just kidding, it’s most famous for increasing cultural interest in pottery classes and making super short hair on girls cool for the first time since Rosemary’s Baby. Despite the cheesy demon shadows and heavenly silhouettes, there really are some nice moments exploring the depths of love and loss.
5. Near Dark
Before Kathryn Bigelow won a Best Director Oscar for The Hurt Locker, she made this 1987 Western/biker movie, which Time Magazine called “the all-time teenage vampire love story.” It’s a blood-soaked star-crossed lovers story, you see, except with a happy ending: Mae, a vampire, and her victim Caleb, must escape the violent clutches of her disapproving, bloodsucking family in order to walk off into the sunrise together.
6. Warm Bodies
This is another Romeo and Juliet remake (the main characters are “Julie” and “R”) complete with balcony scene and a Hollywood happy ending. It’s about the transformative power of romantic love — so transformative in fact that it can turn zombies human again. If only it could make your partner’s irksome bad habits disappear, too. (Btw, is it wrong to think main dead guy Nicholas Hoult is hotter with his zombie makeup on?)
7. Only Lovers Left Alive
Written and directed by Jim Jarmusch, this 2013 vampire film captures the banality of long-term relationships (Tilda Swinton and Tom Hiddleston’s marriage is centuries old), without giving up on the romance of true love. Or the potential for continued eroticism. This pasty yet sexy, depressed yet funny couple make marriage so cool. The kickass soundtrack doesn’t hurt, either.
8. Bride of Frankenstein
Poor Monster. So alone in world, so alienated. He just want love. Just want understanding. A friend, a mate, a bride. But when Dr. Frankenstein creates one for his monster, complete with awesome hair and wicked goth makeup, she’s just not ready to settle down. “She hate me. Like others.” Heartbroken, Boris Karloff and his neck bolts decide that if he can’t have her, no one else will — indeed, no one else should. “We belong dead.”
9. King Kong
Not one, but three versions of this story (1933, 1976, 2005) have accomplished the miraculous feat of making zoophilia seem kinda sweet. After all, King Kong is a star-crossed — there’s that word again — love story about a giant gorilla with the hots for a normal-sized human. Like Frankenstein’s monster, he’s a misunderstood softie who just wants a little companionship, someone to bathe in waterfalls and climb up phallic symbols with. Is that so much to ask? Since none of the three versions ever attempted a happy ending, with Kong and his gal picking out china patterns together, we guess it is too much to ask.
10. A Chinese Ghost Story
Isn’t it always the way: you find someone you really click with and it turns out they’re a ghost beholden to an evil intersex tree spirit and betrothed to a demon warlord? But hey, if it’s true love, you may just have a fighting chance.
Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex & relationships. If you’ve got a good one, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg just might tell you what it means! Click here to submit yours (18 and older only for dream interpretations, please). This week, a reader asks Lauri about a having the same violent dream as her spouse:
My husband and I had the same dream two nights ago. He said he didn’t remember the details but just remembered that he was shot in the back. In my dream it was like a group of terrorists killed a bunch of people wherever I was, and when they found me they shot me in my back. They thought I was dead so they left, but then I got up to get help. It was just really weird that we both had a dream about being shot in the back on the same night! Please try to help. Thanks.
Lauri: What you and your husband experienced is called shared dreaming and I have covered it many times in this column:
It usually happens to two people who are very close: husband and wife, best friends, mother and daughter. The reason why is because the two individuals are dealing with the same issue and their subconscious responds to it similarly by giving them comparable dreams. So let’s see if we can figure out what issue it is you and your hubby are both dealing with.
Getting shot in the back could mean you both feel someone is talking behind your back. Bullets in dreams are often symbolic of emotionally wounding words. That could be what the terrorists in your dream are, a group of people around you, such as in laws or co-workers or friends, who are causing you and your husband grief. Or they could represent feelings of being ganged up on by life in general. Have you been suffering problem after problem? The back can also symbolize that which is now behind us.
It is clear that you both have suffered some sort of emotional wound and your dreams are trying to show you that 1) this hasn’t killed you, and 2) the best course of action is to put this behind you and move on from it.
Last week, it was revealed that Pennsylvania Congressman Tim Murphy, member of the House Pro-Life Caucus, had urged his mistress to get an abortion in the midst of promoting anti-abortion legislation and views on Facebook and in political e-newsletters. Many people rightfully were appalled by the hypocrisy of this Republican representative, whose voting record has gotten a big thumbs up from anti-choice groups like the Family Research Council.
What seemed to get less attention was the fact that Murphy helped pass a 20-week abortion ban in the House last week as well. The Pain-Capable Unborn Child Protection Act is based on junk science about fetal pain — its claims aren’t supported by the research. This is just another systematic attempt to slowly and gradually restrict women’s right to safe reproductive services and bodily autonomy.
Reader Julia realized that this — the policy, not the pig — was the bigger story:
Here’s the thing that no one seems to understand. This is bad legislation regardless of anyone’s opinion of abortion.
Does someone have to be convicted of the rape? In that case, abortion is rather irrelevent.
If not convicted, does one particular person have to be accused?
If so, is the accusation enough, or is some sort of “proof” required?
Considering that proof is required, how is that proof judged?
And… can any of this be done without risking the victim’s safety and in time for an abortion?
In cases of incest:
Does someone have to be convicted of incest? In that case, abortion is rather irrelevent.
If not, is the accusation enough, or is some sort of “proof” required?
What would be considered proof? Do you need to get DNA from the zygote and the accused rapist and have it analyzed for paternity?
If so, can any of this be done without risking the victim’s safety and in time for an abortion?
In cases of health risk:
How risky does it have to be?
Who gets to determine the level of risk?
How many doctors need to agree on the level of risk?
Does mental health count as a risk?
Not to mention the mental gymnastics needed to justify why it is okay to “murder a baby” if you did not choose to have sex, but it is not okay if you did choose:
So rape means I get to murder a child?
Can I choose any child that I want?
If not, are you saying that an already born child is, in fact, more of a person than a “preborn” one?*
It is just terrible legislation.
* However, I do think most people could count “mother’s health” as “self-defense”, so that is not so mind boggling.
We would just add, in regards to the mental gymnastics point, it’s an anti-choice tactic to keep chip-chip-chipping away at women’s reproductive rights, gradually and methodically and ceaselessly, so they’re willing to give some concessions along the way if it means getting one step closer to criminalizing ALL abortions, no exceptions.
Sharing a fantasy with a partner can be a cheap and easy way to foster intimacy, build trust, and kink things up. But it takes a lot of courage to do. What if you think yours is too mundane to put into words (remember Meg Ryan’s faceless stranger fantasy in When Harry Met Sally?). Or what if you’re afraid your partner will be jealous of or even deeply disturbed by what you share? Or, worst case scenario: What if they just laugh? Try these tricks to make things a little smoother:
1. Set the Stage for Safe Sharing
Ask your partner to tell you one of their biggest/darkest/strangest masturbation fantasies, explaining that it’d be such a turn-on to get in their head. Promise them you won’t judge or giggle (and keep that promise). If they’re reluctant, set a brave example by offering up one of your own (you can insist that they honor the no-giggling rule, too).
2. Just Start Talking
The next time you’re having regular old comfort sex, start talking about something you’d like to try now, something you’d like to try eventually, or something you’d never ever want to try but are simply turned on by in your mind. Then suggest that your partner do the same (no pressure though!). Or just recount a dirty story you recently read. The fact that you’re having sex at the time will mean any awkward pauses can be filled with moans. And when you’re both distracted by physical pleasure, there’s less pressure for your fantasy to make narrative sense. Just a sentence or two here and there will get the point across.
3. Know When to Hold Them
Finally, there’s no rule that says you have to share every single dirty thought that crosses your mind. Maybe that fantasy you enjoy during your self-love sessions is hot precisely because nobody knows about it. Or if your partner’s the jealous type, then they don’t need to know that you occasionally imagine their best friend naked.
Some day Columbus Day will be replaced by Indigenous Peoples’ Day, just as some day trans rights will be considered civil rights by everyone. In honor of future enlightenment, let’s look back in awe of the Native Americans who got it right way ahead of their time. The following excerpt is from “Indian Country Today“:
Of all of the foreign life ways Indians held, one of the first the Europeans targeted for elimination was the Two Spirit tradition among Native American cultures. At the point of contact, all Native American societies acknowledged three to five gender roles: Female, male, Two Spirit female, Two Spirit male and transgendered. LGBT Native Americans wanting to be identified within their respective tribes and not grouped with other races officially adopted the term “Two Spirit” from the Ojibwe language in Winnipeg, Manitoba, 1989. Each tribe has their own specific term, but there was a need for a universal term that the general population could understand. The Navajo refer to Two Spirits as Nádleehí (one who is transformed), among the Lakota is Winkté(indicative of a male who has a compulsion to behave as a female), Niizh Manidoowag (two spirit) in Ojibwe, Hemaneh (half man, half woman) in Cheyenne, to name a few. As the purpose of “Two Spirit” is to be used as a universal term in the English language, it is not always translatable with the same meaning in Native languages. For example, in the Iroquois Cherokee language, there is no way to translate the term, but the Cherokee do have gender variance terms for “women who feel like men” and vice versa.
Kinkly will be naming their Top 100 Sex Blogging Superheroes soon, but they need to hear from readers on who should make the cut — please do us a solid and click!
Just because male sexual structures are a bit more, shall we say, obvious, does not mean you can forgo the anatomy lesson. There are important parallels between male and female sexual machinery that will help you understand how to best to use what you’ve got on your own and with your partner, especially if your partner is rocking opposite sex bits. For instance, did you know male sexual anatomy includes a clitoris too?!
Please note: Having certain anatomical parts does not determine one’s sexual orientation or gender identity. And there are certainly exceptions to the biological sex binary, as with intersex people. The below applies to the two typical categories of sexual anatomy — male and female — while trying not to make assumptions about a) who might be interacting with such anatomy or b) how the owner of such anatomy might identify.
penis, a.k.a. the male clitoris: The MVP of male sexual function. This very visible shaft is often considered the corresponding puzzle piece to the vagina. Understandable, but that often leads (straight, cisgender) men and women to discount the importance of her clitoris (especially when it doesn’t seem to actively provide stimulation to his member). But we would all do well to consider that the penis actually incorporates many of the same or similar sexual components that are key to female sexual functioning, including the clitoris. In the male case, those components may be a little more efficiently organized and consolidated, at least when when you consider penetration: during intercourse, all the parts of the penis/male-clitoris are stimulated simultaneously, which is one reason why penetration tends to be a sure-fire method of orgasm for those with dicks; however, traditional intercourse stimulates only the sides of only some of the female clitoral structures, making orgasm through mere penetration tricky (or even impossible) for their owners.
corpus cavernosum: Within the penis runs this narrow wishbone-shaped erectile tissue much like the female clitoral wishbone, except the male “handle” end is long, about 4 inches (running the length of the shaft, parallel to the urethra), and the two clitoral “Y” legs are short (splitting at the base near the pubic bone). Upon arousal, it fills with blood and becomes bigger, straighter and more sensitive, i.e. erect, just like the female clitoris.
urethra: The tube that runs from the bladder, through the prostate gland and along the length of the penile shaft (where it’s surrounded by spongy erectile tissue), to the urethral opening at the penile tip, through which urine and ejaculate are expelled.
urethral sponge, a.k.a. corpus spongiosum: Like the female urethral sponge, this erectile tissue surrounds the length of the male urethra, responds to stimulation, and fills with blood upon arousal (though it remains much more pliable than the corpus cavernosum so the urethra doesn’t get pinched closed, which would cut off ejaculation). Some consider this the single equivalent of the two clitoral bulbs in female sexual anatomy, as it ends in one bulbous structure within the body just past the base (what’s considered the “root” of the penis). At the other, outermost end, the corpus spongiosum forms the acorn-shaped head or glans, molded over the exterior end of the corpus cavernosum.
penile tip, a.k.a. U-spot: The sensitive, innervated skin around the urethral opening.
penile head or glans: At the outermost end of the penile shaft, the corpus spongiosum forms the acorn-shaped head or glans which is molded over the rounded, exterior end of the corpus cavernosum. Many consider this the equivalent of the female clitoral glans, especially when you consider how both the female and male hoods or foreskins protect these two “heads”. But by stimulating the male glans, you’re also stimulating the exterior end of the corpus cavernosum, which can also be considered an equivalent to the female clitoral head, though in his case it’s not external.
foreskin, a.k.a. male clitoral hood: The retractable sheath of skin attached to the shaft of the penis via the frenulum that serves as a sort of oversized turtle neck: it’s pulled over most if not all of the penile glans when not erect (protecting the naturally moist mucous membrane of the glans), and pulled back during arousal (aiding in both its pleasure and the pleasure of any vaginas that might have invited inside). If the foreskin is removed via circumcision, the membrane of the glans will become tougher and permanently dry, and will probably benefit from the addition of purpose-made lubricant during manual sex, since the foreskin is no longer there to act as a natural moveable stimulation sheath.
frenulum: A highly sensitive band of tissue on the underside of the penis, just under the penile glans, that keeps the foreskin in place. Whether the frenulum is left intact, partially removed or fully removed during circumcision, the area tends to remain a particular pleasure point (albeit to varying degrees).
prostate gland: The smooth, walnut-sized organ located behind the public bone, below the bladder and above the perineum, through which the urethra runs. The prostate produces an alkaline fluid that constitutes up to a third of the contents of ejaculate which helps transport and protect sperm during and after ejaculation. The muscles of the prostate also help expel the ejaculate from the body. When you gently stimulate it via the front wall of the rectum, you’ll feel it get bigger and firmer closer to orgasm. There are even butt plugs, like the Aneros, made specifically for promotion of this gland’s pleasure and good health.
P-spot (for prostate), a.k.a. the male G-spot: The area of the prostate gland that can be felt and stimulated through the top, belly-side wall of the rectum by inserting a finger, fingers, penis or anal sex toy a few inches inside and pressing toward the navel or the back of the pubic bone. (More indirect stimulation of the gland can be achieved by pressing up on the perineum.) Some men find this stimulation incredibly pleasurable, some find that it intensifies orgasm, and some find it downright uncomfortable. However, we suspect some of this discomfort is psychological in nature, as many hetero, cis men (mistakenly) feel that penetration is either too girly, too gay, or too unhygienic. Or else they’re just not doing it right – to do it right, click here.
testicles & scrotum (a.k.a. the male labia): Analogous to the egg- and estrogen-producing ovaries in female sexual anatomy, the testicles are the two reproductive organs which produce sperm and male hormones (like testosterone). The “balls” are housed in the scrotum or scrotal sack, the male equivalent of outer labia (both develop from the same early embryonic tissue), which hang down outside the body (behind the flaccid penis) and may similarly enjoy gentle stroking. Gently pulling the testicles away from the body during arousal may help delay ejaculation.
perineum: The perineum is the short bridge of tissue between the back of the testicles and the anus. Also known universally as the “taint” (it ain’t the balls and it ain’t the asshole). Massage and pressure of the perineum can indirectly stimulate the prostate gland.
anus & rectum: The rectum is the S-shaped tube that serves as the passage way for poo between the intestine and the final exit, the anus. This nerve-rich orifice – which consists of two, fairly snug, ring-like sphincter muscles – is surrounded on all sides by one layer of the pelvic floor muscles, which also surround the other sexual structures. And the prostate gland can be stimulated a few inches inside the anus via the front rectal wall. Thus, it makes sense that the anal area can be an integral part of male genital pleasure and even orgasm. (For more important info on proper stimulation and penetration, click here.)
pelvic floor muscles: A series of muscles stretching from the pubic bone to the tailbone and running between, around and beneath the various sexual structures which, if strong and healthy, provide A) support to these structures and other internal organs, B) urinary and fecal continence, and C) sexual pleasure: they contract in response to sexual stimulation, causing sexual tension, which may eventually get released during the involuntary contractions of orgasm. (To ensure yours are strong and healthy, see this info on Kegel exercises.)
There’s a lot more than meets the eye when it comes to female sexual anatomy: the waters of that pleasure system run way deep. These parts are not inferior, miniature versions of the male sexual anatomy, but rather equitable, albeit more internal, sexual structures that enjoy stimulation just as much. They simply need the right kind of stimulation. Understanding those structures is the first step in learning how to provide it.
Please note: Having certain anatomical parts does not determine one’s sexual orientation or gender identity. And there are certainly exceptions to the biological sex binary, as with intersex people. The below applies to the two typical categories of sexual anatomy — male and female — while trying not to make assumptions about a) who might be interacting with such anatomy or b) how the owner of such anatomy might identify. We are also only focusing on the bits traditionally associated with sexual stimulation and pleasure (the clitoris, labia, etc) and not reproduction (ovaries, fallopian tubes, etc).
clitoris, a.k.a. the female penis: Contrary to popular belief, the clitoris is more than just that little nubbin you see or feel protruding near the top of the labia – that’s just the tip of the iceberg. No, the clitoris is actually a complex organ of nerve-rich erectile tissue (just like the penis) extending throughout the genital area. We’re talking four inches long (one inch shy of the average penis, but proportional to her body size) in the shape of a wishbone. During arousal, this tissue becomes engorged and erect, just like the penis – it’s just more difficult to notice in female anatomy because most of the erection occurs internally. Another difference in erections: a clitoris’s has a much better chance of lasting long after orgasm, hence an ability to achieve subsequent orgasms more easily than a penis.
clitoral head, tip, or glans: The little “handle” of the wishbone which protrudes externally at the junction where the top of the labia connect – what most people usually think of when they think “clitoris”. Some clitoral heads extend out like an erect nipple, while shyer ones hide under the hood. (The more aroused its owner becomes, the more retracted the clitoral head may become as the ligament supporting it tightens with sexual tension.) One of the best ways to arouse the entire clitoris is to provide stimulation to this head/tip, not only because it’s external, but because it has more nerve endings than any other part of the body, male or female.
clitoral hood: The female equivalent of foreskin: the clitoral shaft runs under it and the clitoral head sticks out of it. The hood is created by the junction of the outer edges of the inner lips meeting above the clitoral head.
clitoral shaft: You can often feel the short (i.e. less than an inch long) shaft of the clitoris underneath the hood as it burrows into the genitalia, first in the direction of the pubic mound, before it turns sharply back downward and splits into two long wishbone legs.
clitoral legs: The two slim prongs of the clitoral wishbone which run underneath the labia and flank either side of the urethra, the urethral sponge, and the vagina. Like the clitoral head and shaft, the legs are made of erectile tissue which stiffens during arousal.
clitoral bulbs: In addition to the wishbone, there are two eggplant-shaped bulbs that run along the inside of the clitoral legs, beneath the inner labia and around the sides of the urethra, the urethral sponge, and the vagina. This erectile tissue also becomes engorged during arousal, puffing up even more than the legs, and causing the inner labia to balloon. For more, see “10 Things You Should Know About the Clitoris.”
outer labia or lips, a.k.a. the female scrotum: Developed from the same embryonic tissue that becomes the scrotal sack in male anatomy, the outer labia are the two hairy pads of fatty tissue that pocket the inner labia, clitoral head, and the urethral and vaginal openings. While sensitive to touch, the outer labia – unlike the parts of the clitoris and the inner labia – don’t have a very rich concentration of nerves, nor do they change in shape or color much during arousal.
inner labia or lips: The two, moist, hairless, inner folds of tissue which usually connect at the top around the clitoral head (forming the clitoral hood and the frenulum), run along either side of the urethral and vaginal openings, and connect at the bottom just under the vagina (forming the fork). Despite what porn and labiaplasty docs might have you believe, there is great – not to mention totally normal – variation in their appearance from person to person: light or dark, trim or long, smooth or wrinkled, turned inward or flared outward… And during arousal, these lips will often change in appearance, swelling and darkening from increased blood flow to the area. Due to their sensitivity and role in arousal, the inner labia are often considered an extension of the external part of the clitoris.
frenulum, a.k.a. bridle: The junction of the inner edges of the two inner lips, usually just below the clitoral head, which, like the frenulum of male anatomy, is sensitive to stimulation. It may also be considered a part of the external clitoris.
urethra: The short thin tube running from the bladder to the small opening between the clitoral head and the vaginal opening through which urine and, in some women, female ejaculate is eliminated.
urethral sponge, a.k.a. the female prostate: The spongy erectile tissue surrounding the length of the urethra that consists of glands, known as paraurethral glands, which produce an alkaline fluid similar to that produced by the male prostate (i.e. it’s not urine). This fluid may be expelled into and then out of the urethra and out of the paraurethral ducts in a process known as female ejaculation; this may occur in spurts, in a rush of fluid, or in such insignificant amounts as to be undetectable. The embryonic tissue that develops into the prostate gland in male fetuses is the same tissue that develops into the urethral sponge in female fetuses.
G-spot: The area of the urethral sponge (or female prostate) that can be felt and stimulated through the top wall of the vagina by inserting a finger, fingers, penis or sex toy a few inches inside and pressing up toward the navel or the back of the pubic bone. The texture of this area in the vagina is often rougher and more ridged than the other, smoother vaginal walls. Some find receiving this stimulation incredibly pleasurable, some find it necessary for orgasm, some find it enables female ejaculation, and some find it downright uncomfortable, a sort of painful pressure reminiscent of a urinary tract infection. Read more about the G-Spot.
U-spot: The external area surrounding the urethral opening. Like the area right around the penis’s urethral opening, this nerve-rich spot is sensitive to touch and may be an undiscovered erogenous zone, because you are indirectly stimulating one end of the urethral sponge (similarly, with G-spot probing, you are stimulating one side of the urethral sponge). Stimulation of the U-spot is often a happy accident of nearby clitoral head and vaginal orifice stimulation (p TK). Upon arousal, it may protrude a bit and take on the appearance of an acorn top (like the external tip of a penis).
paraurethral glands & ducts: Prostatic-fluid-producing glands (usually about 30) embedded in the urethral sponge. Upon arousal, they fill with this fluid, which may, during G- or U-spot stimulation or orgasm, drain (i.e. gush, spurt, dribble) out into and then from the urethra as well as out of the two external openings embedded in the U-spot known as the paraurethral ducts (they’re almost impossible to detect). This process is known as female ejaculation; depending on the the size and number of glands you’ve got (every person is different), and whether you enjoy G- and U-spot stimulation, you may spurt across the room or not even notice any extra fluid emanating from this area.
vagina, a.k.a. vaginal canal or birth canal: The canal that runs from the cervix (the door of the uterus or womb) to the orifice between the urethra and the anus. Penises, fingers, and sex toys may be permitted in here; it’s also where menstrual blood and perhaps babies (at least during vaginal delivery) come out. The clitoral legs, clitoral bulbs, the urethral sponge, the perineal sponge, and the pelvic floor muscles all surround the lower half of the vagina – during arousal, they become engorged and erect, and then (and only then) should they be stimulated by vaginal penetration. The resulting tightening of the outer third of the vagina causes it to become sensitive to friction and pressure. (It could be argued that these other structures are what are really being stimulated during penetration, not the vagina). This is why girth and shallow penetration is often more effective for female anatomical pleasure than length and deep pelvic thrusting, and why penetration feels best once full arousal or perhaps even an orgasm has been achieved. While the vagina is self-lubricating (the pressure of increased blood to the genitals during arousal expresses a clear fluid that’s filtered from the blood through the mucous-membrane walls of the vagina), don’t rely on this lubrication as the quintessential sign of arousal, as many factors can inhibit the natural flow of this wetness, even when the owner of this equipment is turned on.
The vagina’s fornices (fornix = singular) are the deepest recesses of the vagina created by the extension of the cervix into the vaginal canal. The A-spot (the anterior fornix) and the cul-de-sac (the posterior fornix) — two other “vaginal hot spots” — may be easier to reach and stimulate once full arousal is achieved, as the uterus lifts and the back of the vagina balloons out. There’s also the PS-spot directly opposite the G-spot (see “perineum” below). However, keep in mind that other as-of-yet unnamed hot spots may exist for your partner anywhere within the vaginal canal (for example, the sides of the canal), and it’s a matter of exploring and experimenting with what feels right and nice.
The vagina is often mis-conceptualized as the equivalent of the penis, and while there certainly is an undeniable yin-yang factor necessary for reproductive purposes, as far as sexuality and pleasure goes, the female equivalent of the penis is the clitoris.
A-spot, a.k.a A-zone, anterior fornix, AFE zone (anterior fornix erotic or erogenous zone), or T-zone (for trigone of the urinary bladder): There are way too many names and way too many erroneous write-ups on the web about this particular vaginal zone. Put simply, it’s the nerve-rich area deep inside the front (i.e anterior or belly-side) wall of the vagina, next to the cervix (i.e. past the G-spot, beside or even beyond the tip of the cervix). Think of it as stimulating one side of the bladder via the front wall of the vagina (just as you stimulate the urethral sponge via the front wall of the vagina when G-spotting).
It’s not always easy to stimulate the A-spot with typical intercourse and it’s hard to reach with your own fingers, so squatting or pulling your knees up while having a partner reach for it with their finger(s) or using a G-spotter (a vibrator or dildo with a curved tip) with a long shaft may be better at determining your sensitivity there. Some people, like the Malaysian doc who “discovered” this zone in the early ’90s, report that stimulating this area, especially with repetitive stroking that eventually incorporates the G-spot as well, can help increase vaginal lubrication and orgasmic potential.
cul-de-sac, a.k.a. posterior fornix: The nerve-rich area deep on the back (i.e posterior or bum-side) wall of the vagina, beside and just past the cervix (named by Dr. Barbara Keesling in Super Sexual Orgasm). It may be difficult to reach, not only because of its depth, but because the cervix may block access to it, especially if the woman is not sufficiently aroused. During arousal, the uterus tends to lift up and the back of the vagina tents out, opening this area up for stimulation (pressure is often preferable to thrusting). However, if full arousal hasn’t been achieved or the uterus rides low, any pelvic thrusts from intercourse may just result in a less-than-pleasant cervix pounding, never reaching the cul-de-sac.
fork, a.k.a. fourchette: The junction where the bottoms of the two inner labia meet, just beneath the vaginal opening.
perineum & the perineal sponge (a.k.a. PS-spot): The perineum is the short bridge of tissue between the vaginal opening and the anus. Just beneath it is a tightly packed tangle of blood vessels alternately known as the perineal sponge, perineal body, or PS-spot. Like other erectile tissue, this mass fills with blood upon arousal and can be sensitive to massage and pressure via the perineum, the lower back wall of the vagina (opposite the G-spot), or the anus. For more, see “Everything You Didn’t Know You Wanted to Know About the PS-Spot.””
anus & rectum: The rectum is the S-shaped tube that serves as the passage way for poo between the intestine and the final exit, the anus. This nerve-rich orifice – which consists of two, fairly snug, ring-like sphincter muscles – is surrounded on all sides by one layer of the pelvic floor muscles, which also surround the vagina and urethra. Nearby is the sensitive perineal sponge, as well. Thus, it makes sense that the anal area would respond to stimulation and can be an integral part of genital pleasure and even orgasm. (For more important info on proper stimulation and penetration, see “A Beginner’s Guide to Anal Play.”)
pelvic floor muscles: A series of muscles stretching from the pubic bone to the tailbone and running between, around, and beneath the various sexual structures which, if strong and healthy, provide A) support to these structures and other internal organs, B) urinary and fecal continence, and C) sexual pleasure: they contract in response to sexual stimulation, causing sexual tension, which may eventually get released during the involuntary contractions of orgasm. (To ensure yours are strong and healthy, see info on Kegel exercises for female anatomy.)
vulva: The external, visible parts of the female genitalia. What most people mean when they use the term “vagina” (they’re wrong — see “Vulva vs. Vagina — There’s a Difference People“).
Have you had a sex-related dream recently that’s still on your mind? We’ve surely interpreted a similar one! Check out our archive to find out what yours means.
The blindfolds that comes free with transatlantic flights are sometimes printed with the phrase “forty winks” — and we think we know what kind of winks they’re talking about. Who hasn’t stuffed a complimentary blindfold into their carry-on and thought, “Ooh, I should use that sometime”? But, really, you should.
You can go high-end with a gorgeous silk number from LELO, or more low-key with a soft and comfortable one in basic black for only $12 from GoodVibes. Seriously, everyone should have one of those handy in their nightstand. Even if you’re feeling particularly broke or need something in a pinch, you can always go DIY with a cotton scarf or tee knotted to the side of the head for comfort. (It just won’t look quite so sexy.)
Blindfolds help you get in the mood if you’re trying something new and are feeling shy. Maybe you want to spank your boyfriend but don’t want him to see you until you’ve perfected your swing. Maybe you’re role-playing and find it easier to get into character if you can’t see that your “doctor” is wearing her stethoscope back to front. The list goes on…
And a blindfold is a great way to heighten sensation. It adds an element of surprise (especially pleasant when receiving oral) and makes everything feel more. You know how your radio always sounds louder after you’ve turned off your bedside light? Yeah, it’s like that, except it’s not KROC; it’s sex! And it feels like it’s turned up to 11.
This post has been updated.
For more tips on kinking up your sex life, check out our book:
Dear Em & Lo, If I masturbate 3 times a day 7 days a week and haven’t had a real sex partner in over a year, can I get trichomoniasis? — Red Handed
Dear RH,
Trichomoniasis is a sexually transmitted infection caused by a protozoan parasite called Trichomonas vaginalis, most commonly passed from genitals to genitals. It doesn’t normally infect the hands. So it’s not like you could have picked it up from a handrail and then passed it onto your genitals during masturbation. Nor does it usually infect the mouth. So it’s not like you could have picked it up by kissing an infected person, then later licking your hand, and passing it onto your genitals during masturbation. The majority of those infected don’t show symptoms; with those who do, symptoms usually develop within 5 to 28 days after infection. BUT for some people, it can take much longer for symptoms to appear. And if left untreated, trichomoniasis can stick around for years.
So, if you’ve been tested and diagnosed by a doctor, then you likely got the infection last year from a sexual partner, and it’s just taken awhile for the symptoms to show up.
You cannot get a sexually transmitted infection from masturbation, unless you’re sharing sex toys with an infected partner. You might get a little sore or irritated from the following:
not giving your genitals enough downtown between sessions
not cleaning your hands and toys properly beforehand
using novelty toys made with suspect materials or rough seams
But none of these practices will give you an STD.
If, on the other hand, you’re self-diagnosing — i.e. your own symptoms seem to match up with a Web MD search of trichomoniasis — then the first thing you should do is go see a gynecologist/urologist/doctor to be examined and tested for STIs and other genital infection (e.g. a yeast infection).
If it turns out you’re infection-free, then it’s probably time to give your genitals a little more tender loving care during your self-loving sessions. Quantity shouldn’t matter too much if you’re good about quality. Use an organic lube, play with only high-quality sex toys made with food-grade materials, clean them and your hands properly before and after, and try not to rough-up your naughty bits, even if that’s how they really like it.
American Horror Story, now in its 8th season on FX, trades in sex and blood, blood and sex — often at the same time. Whether it’s a vampire orgy with throat slitting or a BDSM porno with un-consensual dismemberment, AHS likes to mix “little deaths” with big death. And don’t even get us started on all the rape.
So it’s a breath of fresh air when they include the rare tender sex scene with a focus on passion rather than pain. Even if you’re a fan of the show (and it’s over-the-top gore, ya sicko), let these atypical AHS sex scenes from all the previous seasons remind you that the best partnered sex is always consensual and pleasurable.
ASYLUM
1. Haunted Honeymoon Sex
Adam Levine and his new bride aren’t your typically honeymooners. Instead of sipping tropical drinks on a Caribbean beach, they get their kicks visiting old, supposedly haunted, often abandoned sites of horror and depravity — and doing it on site. The most disturbing thing about this sex is Levine’s lack of foreplay and use of spit as lube. Serves him right he gets his arm ripped off by a monster minutes later.
2. 1960s Newlywed Lovin’
It’s 1964, when interracial marriages were not looked upon too kindly. So newlyweds Kit and Alma are keeping it a secret. Young, in love, and practically playing house, they let the roast burn in the kitchen while they make sweet love in the bedroom. Too bad Alma gets abducted by aliens immediately afterwards.
3. Desperate Sex Between Inmates
Kit, who’s been wrongfully committed to Briarcliff Manor for three murders (including his wife’s), and Grace, who’s doing time there for killing her sexually abusive father, find temporary solace in each other’s arms…on the counter of institute’s kitchen. But health code violations are the least of people’s problems at Briarcliff. (Video unavailable.)
COVEN
4. Fertility Sex Ritual
One of the coven’s witches, Cordelia (Sarah Paulson), and her husband Hank (Josh Hamilton) can’t seem to conceive, so they perform a fertility sex ritual. It’s one of the most normal, loving, and typically erotic sex scenes in the entire series (even though Hank turns out to be a cheating, murderous witch hunter).
5. Frankenstein-esque Threesome
Teen witch (and bitch) Madison (Emma Roberts) accidentally kills her fellow witch Zoe’s crush, Kyle (Evan Peters). To make it up to Zoe (Taissa Farmiga), Madison helps bring him back to life with a spell, but not before the two take the best “boy parts” from other mangled bodies at the morgue to create the perfect boyfriend. A love triangle ensues and is eventually — and rather sweetly — consummated together. But with threesomes, someone always gets left behind — so later, a very jealous Madison refuses to save Zoe’s life, which means a heartbroken Kyle has to strangle Madison. Love hurts.
FREAKSHOW
6. Manual Stimulation
Jimmy Darling has a side business. When he’s not juggling with his cleft hands in the circus as “Lobster Boy,” he attends Tupperware-style parties of 50’s Floridian housewives to pleasure them one by one in the back bedroom with his unique digits. Hey, at least everyone’s happy, which is a rarity in the world of AHS. (Though the clip below is in Spanish, you don’t need to speak it to figure out what’s going on…or should we say going in?) (Video unavailable.)
HOTEL
7. Bubble Bath Sex
As the queen vampire at the Hotel Cortez, Elizabeth (Lady Gaga) has grown weary of her latest creation (Matt Bomer), who’d rather stay home and binge watch House of Cards than hunt. So when she gets a whiff of the rage emanating from a bad-boy model (Finn Wittrock), she can’t resist turning him. And within the blink of an eye, Liz and her new flavor of the decade are getting busy in a coffin-shaped bathtub. (We’re assuming vampires don’t have to worry about using protection with lovers they’ve just met, otherwise this scene would be truly scary).
8. Makeup Vampire Sex
Gaga gets back together with her old beau (Bomer) and the two have the most mainstream makeup sex imaginable — no crazy outfits, no third or fourth unsuspecting parties, no violent murder, no fountains of blood. It’s almost boring. Almost. (Video unavailable.)
MY ROANOKE NIGHTMARE
9. Christening the New House
Trying to escape the dangers of city living, Shelby (Sarah Paulson) and her husband Matt (Cuba Gooding Jr.) buy an old farmhouse in the wilds of North Carolina. Settling in one night, they have hot sex in their new bedroom in the dark. The only creepy thing about it are the pig squeals they hear outside in the woods, but the sex is otherwise really quite nice. (Video unavailable.)
10. 18th Century Bathtub Sex
What do you do when you’re in a secret, gay, biracial relationship with one of your servants in the 1700s? You leave your wife and kids behind in Philadelphia and build a mansion in the woods of North Carolina where you won’t be judged, of course. The power dynamics of this relationship make the sex pretty problematic, but the producers at least try to make the aristocrat’s lover a willing participant in the nookie; indeed, there’s genuine tenderness here. Not so much when the aristocrat (Evan Peters) gets impaled by the ghosts haunting his property.
